


Curtains Close

by MeredithBrody



Series: Pretty Little Distance [9]
Category: Designated Survivor (TV)
Genre: Attempted Suicide, Co-Parenting, Drug Addiction, F/M, Gen, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Investigations, M/M, Polyamory, Psychological Torture, Torture, Trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-01
Updated: 2018-05-07
Packaged: 2019-04-16 21:13:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 16
Words: 55,817
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14173512
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MeredithBrody/pseuds/MeredithBrody
Summary: "It doesn't always matter how hard we've triedSometimes the only ending is just goodnightWe watched the curtains close on all we've known"Kidnap, torture and a massive change in the lives of all those who work in the Kirkman White House.Nearly all the warnings are for chapters 3 and 5 only.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Alright, you gotta trust me on this because there is a lot that doesn't come along until later along, so while you have questions I won't be answering them until later.
> 
> The title and tagline are from the song of the same name by As It Is

The first thing that registered to Lyor was the excruciating pain in his head. He lifted his hand up and was surprised that there was no hair between his hand and scalp. What the hell was happening here? He didn’t open his eyes, instead taking an inventory. Other than the headache and the apparent lack of hair nothing within his body seemed all that different. He was clearly dehydrated though. He should make himself get up and get water, if Anila hadn’t woken them up though he didn’t want to disturb Kendra and Seth. She’d only just started sleeping through the night properly, and none of them had been getting all that much sleep. 

He reached out to his partners, and was instead surprised when his hand brushed against a solid surface. Not above the head of the bed, where Kendra liked having a solid headboard… no. It was on his left hand side. None of their beds had a wall that side. Even if he had been in his own bed he wouldn’t have had anything on that side of the bed. Now he was worried, where the hell was he. 

Paying attention now to his other senses, not just touch, he realised that there was a strange smell. Like decaying wood and moss. He didn’t think that he was outside, but he also couldn’t conclusively say that he was inside either. That would come when he opened his eyes but he wanted as much knowledge from his other senses as he could get before he did that. The bed was hard, harder than he liked, but it seemed to be well dressed. Kendra would always make sure the sheets were soft when she bought them, but these were scratchy. Definitely not something she would have in her house.

He then slowly opened his eyes. The blurriness not enough to disrupt the fact that this was not his apartment. He, Kendra and Seth had only been in it for a few months, but he already knew every inch of it. The master bedroom and it’s enormous bed, where he spent more of his time. His bedroom, the smallest since it only had his small bed in it, and plenty of filing space. Anila’s bedroom was as expected for a child under the age of one. Coloured in soft blues and purples. 

This room, no this was very different. It was about the same size as Anila’s bedroom, but it was painted in a bright sunshine yellow. The trim and details being similarly luminous shades of green and pink. He started looking around for his glasses but couldn’t find them anywhere at all logical. They weren’t on the bedside table. They weren’t on the desk. He wondered if they’d been broken, or worse, were being withheld from him.

While it looked like it was daylight, Lyor didn’t actually know. He wasn’t even sure what his last memory was. Carrying Anila through the White House because she’d been throwing a tantrum in Senior Staff. That was the last clear memory. He had been explaining how important it was that mommy and daddy had worked out the press strategy, and that Lyor’s part in that was done. He didn’t believe in lying to their daughter, and he liked to try and get her to understand what was happening, even if she was only 10 months old.

Even through the blurs he was starting to be able to make out details. A row of clocks, no doubt the faint ticking noises that he could hear. He couldn’t make out the time on them, but they weren’t ticking in unison, there was a microsecond between each of them and that was going to start getting annoying. Couldn’t someone have fixed the clocks.

Walking around the room, the smell started to grow stronger. Definitely moss, a wet, earthy, sweet-smelling moss that was making him feel a little sick to his stomach. Especially at the combination of rotting wood. He couldn’t even work out where in the room the smells were coming from. Now he was up he went to the door, trying the handle even though he had already been fairly sure that it would be futile. He wasn’t sure what he’d been expecting, but it had seemed important that he tried. He then went to the windows, planning on trying them before he realised that they weren’t actually windows, they were just cleverly disguised light panels.

The only thing that he was absolutely sure of right now was that he wasn’t where he had been expecting to be, and given that he didn’t know and couldn’t remember where he had last been he couldn’t even guess what that was. His only solace was that there was clearly no provisions for a baby here. Likely whenever this had happened he hadn’t had Anila with him. Hopefully that meant she, Seth and Kendra were all safe. He could live with anything that happened to him here as long as he knew his family were safe.

As he started looking closer at things on the wall he realised they were all on slight angles, and he couldn’t move them. Lyor tried to walk away, but knowing that was enough to put him further on edge. By this point he was fairly sure that he was vibrating on the spot, bouncing around the room trying to find something, anything, that made sense. Anything that would give him an answer to what the devil was going on here.

He was looking at the bookshelf when he heard the door open and swiftly shut behind whoever came in. Lyor purposefully refused to turn around, that would be giving them chance to win. He wasn’t going to be that easy. He was on edge, but fundamentally this was just a test. Surely. That was all this could be? “Lyor Boone?” A soft, feminine voice said. It could have been Kendra’s if it was half an octave higher. That similarity stung when he realised the difference. Turning round and seeing the blurry form too he would have put money on it being Kendra, but the voice told him that it wasn’t. Similar build, similar hair colour, similar voice. None of it perfect. 

“Who are you?” He knew it wasn’t Kendra, so he wasn’t going to pretend it was. Maybe she’d answer, maybe she wouldn’t. It didn’t matter truthfully. He’d just needed to say something. He reached up to run his hand through is hair again, a nervous tic, and was frustrated to remember that there was no hair there. 

“That’s not important.” That time her voice was colder than Kendra’s. Still soft and feminine, but cold. Closer to the tone Emily tended to use. “Eat.” There was no other order, nothing like that. Just a plate being left on the bookcase and footsteps heading back to the door. When he looked up the Kendra-like woman was already out the door, and he was going to have to decide whether he was going to eat or whether he was going to starve. The decision was harder than he thought.


	2. Missing?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As before, there will be questions, and you can ask them... but I won't be answering XD. This may update sporadically, as i'm only updating when I finish the following chapter. But this is the fic i'm working on for Camp NaNo so. 
> 
> I also added a few warnings, but they are only for chapters 3 and 5 and I will warn at the beginning of each chapter.

Kendra felt like something was off but she just couldn’t put her finger on it. Maybe it was because Seth’s shoes were in the middle of the corridor as she stepped into the apartment and there was none of the usual hallmarks that normally greeted her when she got home. “Seth!” She called, bouncing Anila a little as she kicked his shoes to the side and let hers join them. Lyor’s shoes weren’t next to the pile either. “Seth, you here?” It was a stupid question since she knew his shoes were there, but she still wanted his attention.

“Yeah?” He eventually said, just as she walked into the lounge and he stuck his head around the door from the kitchen. She was relieved to see him but something still felt off. There was no sounds of their boyfriend crashing around. Kendra hadn’t really taken the threats that had been intercepted about the White House staff seriously before, but right now she was reconsidering that stance.

“You seen Lyor?” She asked, handing Anila to him for a second so that she could take her jacket off. While she would accept that she had gotten good at doing everything while carrying their daughter she preferred to hand her off whenever she could. “I couldn’t find him when I was leaving earlier.”

“No, I thought he came home with you.” Seth said, the smile on his face as he held Anila close disappearing almost instantly as he clearly came to the same realisation that she had too. This wasn’t at all like Lyor, if he wasn’t with one of them he let them know where he was going, especially recently.

“I thought he got the train with you. I took Nila to the Paediatrician.” She had an ear infection, and that was part of what was making her so cranky. Otherwise she was a healthy baby. She was trying not to let herself work into a panic, but it wasn’t really working. “I couldn’t find him anywhere when we were leaving so I guess I thought he’d be coming home with you.” Maybe that was an assumption she shouldn’t have made, but it was something they’d all done too many times. “I’ve tried calling him a dozen times and his phone’s off.”

“I’ll call his mom’s nursing home. Maybe he went there. Then I’ll call your mom.” Seth pulled his phone out and handed Anila back to her. Clearly the baby could sense the tension in the room and started fussing again. She was a perceptive child and Kendra couldn’t imagine this was good for her. “It’ll be okay, babe.” Seth kissed her forehead and stepped away to make the call.

“I’ll call work, get the secret service to have a look for him.” That was all Kendra could think to do. Why would Lyor not tell them where he was going. He wouldn’t. She just felt like something had happened. They may have been having a few arguments recently but nothing that would have lead to him disappearing without telling them. Anila started to cry as Kendra waited for Mike to pick up the phone. “Shush, baby. We’ll find Papa, I promise.”

“ _ Kendra? _ ”

She heard as she said that. Mike was one of the only people who knew about their weird family situation and so she didn’t mind that he may have heard what she was saying to Anila. She worried that her voice would give away exactly hoe worried she was, but maybe that wasn’t actually a bad thing. “Hey Mike, are you still at work?” Trying to keep her voice level she fought for composure. She was a lawyer, she’d been in more tense situations than this. She shouldn’t lose her mind about this. She shouldn’t immediately jump to the worst case scenario yet that was exactly what her mind had done. She had jumped to the worst case.

“ _ Yeah, what’s wrong _ ?”

“We… we can’t find Lyor and I know it’s stupid to be worried but with everything going on…” She knew that he would take it seriously if a member of the Senior Staff couldn’t be located even if she wasn’t worrying, but Kendra hoped that maybe her panic would spur him on to do it faster. “Can you just run a sweep? See if he’s in the building?”

“ _ Sure. Ken, I’m sure there is a sensible explanation. _ ”

“I hope so.” She whispered as Mike put her on hold. Anila’s fussing just getting worse. Kendra was sure the building tension as they waited for any news of where Lyor was. “Hey come on little miss, it’s uncle Mike on the phone. He’s looking for Papa.” Now her confident tone was more for the benefit of the baby, not that Kendra believed anything right now. She was just worried. “Not at the nursing home?” She asked as soon as she saw Seth coming back over.

“No, they haven’t seen him since Monday. Your mom hasn’t seen him either.” Seth wrapped an arm around her back and kissed her cheek gently, clearly trying to transfer some calm to her. It didn’t work. “Hey baby girl come here, let momma deal with all that.” Seth said quietly, and once again Kendra handed Anila over. “Shush, I know. We’re worried about him too. I’ll try putting her down.” She nodded then her attention was grabbed by the sound of Mike coming back to the phone.

“ _ Ken he’s not in the building. Are you sure he’s not anywhere else. _ ”

“No. I don’t… I mean, he could be at Julie’s, but he normally says if he’s planning to go over there.” She thought out loud, though she didn’t think that was all that likely. Sure, Lyor and Julie were technically married, and she knew they saw each other occasionally but Kendra didn’t remember the last time. It was a long shot but maybe Lyor had gone over there.

“ _ Call her, if I don’t hear back from you in five minutes I’ll put an alert out. _ ”

“Thanks, Mike.” She took a deep breath as she ended that call and scrolled through her phone to find Julie’s number. Kendra couldn’t say the two women were friends, but they had spoken from time to time, and Julie always made sure to text on important days. They certainly weren’t unfriendly, and maybe that was part of why Kendra thought that this was going to be a waste of time. Julie would have surely text her if Lyor turned up there. “Come on Julie, pick up.”

“He’s probably there Ken, he’s going to think we’re silly for worrying this much.” Seth said from where he was laying Anila in the stroller. He clearly was expecting something too or he would have taken her through to bed, but neither of them seemed to want to acknowledge that. “Aren’t we, Papa’s gonna think daddy and momma worry too much.”

“ _ Kendra? Is Lyor okay? _ ”

“I was actually calling to see if he was there. He’s not, is he?” It seemed like such a ridiculous question after the response she’d gotten to making the call. Julie wouldn’t be asking that if Lyor was there with her. She’d know that he was okay because he’d be right there beside her. Kendra felt the pit in her stomach drop even further since she knew now that Lyor was not anywhere that he’d go by choice. He wasn’t at home, he wasn’t at work and he wasn’t with the only people he ever visited.

“ _ No. I’ve not seen him since your daughter was born. He’s text me a few pictures but that’s it. What’s wrong? _ ”

“We can’t… we can’t find him.” Kendra felt the words catch in her throat. She knew that there was so much that she was going to have to do, so many things that she was going to have to answer, but she really didn’t want to. If Lyor wasn’t with Julie then Kendra’s fears were true and she needed to prepare for that. “Yours was the last place I could think of.”

“ _ He’s probably at work or visiting his mom. _ ”

“We checked both.” Kendra looked over at Seth who already had his phone out and was clearly speaking to Mike. Right now they were both comfortable saying that Lyor was missing, and that they didn’t know when it happened. Kendra didn’t want to think about what that could mean. “I’m worried, Julie.” She hadn’t let herself admit that until now, but she needed to admit it. She had needed to say it, and she met Seth’s eyes across the room, seeing the same panic reflected back.

“ _ Call me back in ten minutes. _ ”

“Thanks, I will.” She said and ended the call before walking over to the sofa and just dropping onto it. She sat on a corner of Lyor’s book and she just picked it up, making sure that she saved his page. A moment later Seth came and sat beside her, quickly pulling her into his arms and kissing her cheek gently. “Where is he, Seth?” She couldn’t help but ask even though she knew that he didn’t know any better than she did.

“We’ll find him, babe. We’ll find him.” Seth just whispered that to her, continuing to say it quietly as they waited for what was to come next. She knew that there was going to be a lot of scrutiny on their lives right now, but she didn’t care. She didn’t care what they found out or what anyone thought. All she cared about right now was that they could find Lyor and bring him home.

This had gotten crazy real quick. Once Mike had confirmed that Lyor wasn’t anywhere that he should be the FBI were brought in, and that was the moment when Kendra felt any and all control of her life slip away. Thankfully, they knew he’d not made it home at any time since they’d all left the previous morning. Seth had been the one to deactivate their alarm system when he walked in, which meant that they didn’t have agents all over the house. Just two going through Lyor’s room. Kendra had already checked, and none of them really kept any physical mementos of their relationship. Seth was sitting and talking to Mike while Kendra herself was sitting with John Forstell, bouncing Anila on her knee. Turns out that with people in and out of the house she couldn’t sleep. “When did you last see him?”

“I… Anila was being fussy during senior staff this afternoon, Lyor had nothing to do with the financial disclosures so he took her for a walk around the West Wing to settle her.” Kendra had had to look over Lyor’s financial disclosure with a fine-tooth comb. She’d managed to come to an agreement with the IRS for him to pay off the outstanding tax he hadn’t known he had, but otherwise he was one of the more boring members of the Administration. Kendra’s herself tended to be the largest file. “I last saw him when I collected her from his office. He was talking about something he needed to get done on the Hill, but he never told me what.

“You have your baby in the White House.” He asked after a moment, tilting his head at the small thing in her lap. Kendra would admit that it wasn’t the most normal of situations but it worked well for them, and Anila was there at the President’s insistence. He liked having the baby around and it certainly saved Kendra the costs of a nanny or day care. For right now it was a good fit. She didn’t like that  _ that _ was something that John was thinking about and not what was happening with Lyor.

“John you really wanna focus on that right now and  _ not _ the fact that the White House Deputy Chief of Staff is missing.” For a long time after Alex’s accident Kendra hadn’t trusted John at all, and she wasn’t going to deny that fact but she’d thought over the last couple of years they’d made progress in their working relationship and most of the time Kendra wouldn’t have hesitated to call John a friend. Right now though she hated that she was being forced to sit down and go through all of this when she felt like she should be out there looking.

“Alright, you’re right, priorities.” John shook his head a little, and then seemed surprised when Anila decided she wanted to climb over onto his knee, though he took her without a second thought and just moved his papers so that he could make notes while she sat on his other knee. “And you didn’t see him after you picked Anila up, even in passing?”

“No. I looked for him before I left to remind him to pick up milk. He lives here with me and Seth, obviously, and Seth never remembers to pick groceries up.” He still hadn’t, even though she’d text them both. Right now though she couldn’t even be angry at him for it. Mostly she was thankful that he was sat right where she could see him. “I couldn’t find him and I knew Seth had already left so I guessed that Lyor had just left with Seth and I’d see them both when we got back from Anila’s apartment.”

“Mike’s kept you all informed about the threats then?” John asked, and Kendra nodded softly. The staff of the White House got threats fairly often, most of them weren’t credible, they were just people blowing off steam but every so they had ones that were serious threats and that ended up requiring increased security for the Senior Staff. That was where they’d been now for almost two weeks.

“Yeah, normally none of the senior staff go anywhere alone, and if we do we tell Mike and he sends an agent with us.” Kendra had thought that Mike was being a little overprotective, She’d even teased him about it more than once, but maybe he’d been right to keep them all protected all along. “I even had an agent come with me to the Paediatrician today.” It was a good job babies didn’t really care who was with them, because there had been no shaking that agent even if Kendra had tried.

“Lyor abide by that too?” John asked, and while Kendra’s initial instinctive response was to be angry that it was asked, she also understood that it was an obvious question, and one that she actually wasn’t sure about. He rarely actually left the White House without another member of senior staff, and so she didn’t know if he had a habit of avoiding the protection. Knowing Lyor, he probably avoided the protection. Mike would be the better one to ask that, though.

“Yeah, I think.” She mumbled, shaking her head. She didn’t know and couldn’t truly say. “He’s normally with Emily or Seth or me. I don’t think he goes anywhere alone.” That was the best of her knowledge. Lyor’s job was mostly based in the White House, and occasionally up on the Hill. But most meetings he went to with Emily, or he was going with Kendra herself for some reason. He rarely went alone.

“Kendra I’m not accusing him, I’m just trying to get a feel for his behaviour.” John assured her and Kendra really wanted to believe him, but it was harder to admit than she wanted it to be. Her mind kept going back to the day they lost the first lady and how hard that was. She shook her head a little, she knew this was nothing like that had been. This was not anyone’s fault. “How is everything here, is he managing okay living with a baby?” The question made her pause for a second, and almost reach out to take her baby back even though it was clear Anila was quite comfortable on John’s knee.

“He adores Nila. He’s as good as another father to her.” He was a father to her, Kendra wanted to stay it but some inkling of self preservation was still surviving through the worry and sadness she had right now. It was then that her walls broke and she couldn’t help herself, it was easier to focus on the fact that she didn’t feel anyone was doing enough right now. They were being questioned but they weren’t out there looking for Lyor like she wanted to be. “Shouldn’t you be like… out there looking for him.”

“We are, Kendra. I have agents trying to track all his last movements. Hannah and Chuck are working on it too.” That reassured her a little. She didn’t know the other agents but she knew Hannah and she knew Chuck and they were as much a part of the White House family as any of the rest of them. She felt like she could trust that they would be doing everything that they could.

“I know that you haven’t always had the best relationship with Lyor but…” She couldn’t actually help the tears from welling up, and Anila clearly realised her mother was getting upset and reached out to go back to her. Kendra picked her up and wrapped her arms around her. Holding her close as she wished for Lyor to be back home already. “He’s my best friend, you know. I care a lot about him.”

“That doesn’t matter now.” John assured her, putting his papers down and leaning forward, just gently rubbing her arm in a show of support. She held on to Anila and tried to get control of her emotions again. “Hey, you don’t need to cry we’ll do whatever we can to find him.” It was a nice try, but Kendra knew better than that. It did help though, and that was what made it easier to control herself. “We’re going to be housing the Senior Staff at the White House until we establish Lyor’s last movements, grab enough for you and Seth and the baby for a couple of days.”

“Okay.” She just agreed, standing up and walking over to Seth quietly and handing him Anila. Maybe it was the protective part of her that was heightened after this, but unless she was right there she didn’t want her daughter to be held by anyone else right now. Going and packing a couple of bags made her, once again, wish that Lyor was there telling her she was doing it wrong. It was always the strangest things that you missed when they weren’t there anymore.


	3. Worst Nightmares

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, this chapter is going to be a hard one to read. It was a hard one to write. There are a lot of triggers in it, but most especially for implied rape, sexual assault and rape apology.   
> Unsurprisingly, and I shouldn't have to state this but I do, I do not agree with those views.

Every time Lyor thought he was adjusting to this room something changed. At first, he thought he was imagining it. The dull pain in his head and the lingering fuzziness of his senses making it harder for him to focus than he wanted to admit. Food, water… it all came whenever anyone felt like it, though even if it was regular Lyor would have no way of knowing because the clocks on the wall were all still ticking out of time. It was enough to drive him mad and he didn’t have any idea how he was supposed to get used to it here. Often with the food or the water, he would end up unconscious again. He didn’t mean to, he wasn’t tired, but he would be out again. It was part of how he had no idea how long he’d been there. He was trying to write something out, organise his thoughts in some way when the door opened and the woman who looked enough like Kendra he had to do a double take every time stepped in. “How long have I been here?”

“A week, maybe two. I don’t really know.” The answer was non-committal and evasive, and Lyor knew that he should be more suspicious of that but given he had no reason to doubt her he didn’t really know why the voice in the back of his mind was shouting. He took the glass of lemonade that she held out to him, seemingly the only thing that they were letting him drink here, and almost immediately his mind quieted down again. It was easy to just forget, to just black it all out and hope that it was a nightmare.

“Doesn’t feel that long.” He ended up mumbling. The more he drank the less he cared. Cared about what was happening here, at least, or about how he didn’t feel right. Everything felt like a lie but so far nobody had actually lied to him. He did care about what Seth and Kendra would be doing right now. He hoped they were looking for him. Maybe they didn’t miss him as much as he missed them though. “Wonder what it’s like at home.”

“You were unconscious. A concussion. It was a pretty bad one.” That reminded him of the night he got here. His hair… everything. He’d been with Anila. How had he not thought about her in all this time? His last memory was with her and she clearly wasn’t here. He hadn’t seen her, hadn’t heard her. He thought that he’d know Anila’s sounds if he heard her.

“Where’s my daughter?” He finally asked. He didn’t know if he’d asked before, he couldn’t remember. There were so many blank spots in his memory. Even more, than he thought if two weeks had passed. Mostly he hoped that he had just lost the memory of giving her back to Kendra or Seth. He didn’t want to imagine that something could have happened to the person he was proudest of in the world.

“You have a daughter?” The question almost took him back, and the expression on the woman’s face as a little more engaged than a second before. Lyor tried to focus on that as the world swam in front of him again. He didn’t know what was affecting him so badly, but whatever it was seemed to be the only thing keeping him calm and that was something that he thought he needed. The world swam again and Lyor just mentally pictured his daughter.

“Yeah, ten months. She’s this cute, chubby thing. Hates to be left alone.” That was why she ended up spending so much time with them all while they were at work. If she wasn’t with one of them, or the President or Aaron, she tended to just cry until one of them came back. Emily didn’t seem to cut it, though nobody could work out why. “Loves colours and shapes, and making as much noise as possible when I’m trying to sleep. She’s the thing I love most in this entire world. I’d die for her.”

“She wasn’t with you. Must be with her mother.” There was a catch in the woman’s voice and even in this wonderfully relaxed state, Lyor wondered why that made her react like that. Then again, maybe it was just that she didn’t have a great father. Lyor could understand that. He’d never had a good relationship with his father, and while it had set him up for the way he lived life now, he wouldn’t wish it on anyone else and he hated when he was reminded that other people had lived that life the same as he had.

“That’s good, that means she’s at home.” Lyor actually couldn’t be happier at learning that Anil was home with Kendra and Seth. It meant that no matter what happened to him here she would be protected. He knew that his partners would miss him, but they had each other. They could go on with their lives and be happy. If Lyor didn’t make it home they’d at least still be a family. “Where am I?” He muttered, fighting to keep his eyes open long enough to eat the food that was put on the side, but he could do that when he’d slept.

“Here, where the rest of us are.” Another evasive answer. He was getting used to those and they were making him dislike asking anything. He wanted to know  _ where _ he was, not just that there were other people there. If they wanted secrecy it wasn’t like he could tell anyone where he was. “You’ll be allowed into the community when you’ve adjusted.” She said that as though he should be looking forward to that, but it wasn’t what he wanted.

“I don’t want to be in the community. I want to go home. To my daughter, my family.” He missed them deeply. So strongly that it was almost a physical pain in his chest as he imagined what they were doing without him. Were they still looking? Would they always look for him? Kendra would be panicking, Seth would try to be strong. Anila would be continuing to be a baby. “I want to go home.”

“We can’t let you do that.” She replied and that was the first thing that had told Lyor that maybe they weren’t just helping him recover from something. He should have known that but he just hadn’t doubted that they were people with good intentions. The longer he thought or tried to think, the more suspicious he became.

“Karen, come along.” A voice yelled from the door, and the woman just turned away and walked out the door, leaving Lyor to crawl his way back to the pile of blankets on top of a threadbare mattress that was currently doubling as his bed. He didn’t know what had happened to the bed he originally woke up on, but this would do for now. It was close to the ground at least.

Darkness remained Lyor’s friend, and despite trying multiple times he couldn’t get anything else out of the people bringing him food and drink. Karen, the woman who looked so much like Kendra, didn’t seem to have come back, not that he could remember anyway. He woke up from his latest blackout, he wasn’t calling it sleep any longer, but he was certainly not conscious. There was something that was subtly disturbing him but at first, he couldn’t put his finger on it… then he felt the hand inside his boxers. “What the… Get the hell off of me.” He pushed away and moved back. Opening his eyes he realised it had to be Karen, only because the blurred form he saw could have been Kendra, but he knew it wasn’t.

“This is what you want, isn’t it?” The voice, once again the biggest clue that this really wasn’t his girlfriend. As if he needed to be reminded of that now. Kendra would never have violated his boundaries in such a brazen manner. In two years neither she nor Seth had ever put any pressure on him for that, and they had seemed to be content with having each other for that. “Tell me it’s what you want.” Karen continued, moving toward him again.

“No!” He pushed her back again, but he was crushed up into the corner and couldn’t move back any further. He didn’t want her to be anywhere near him. The same bed, same room or right now even the same country. There was no part of him that would have allowed this to start. He hadn’t been in a situation like this since college, and he’d had much more control then. “And you’re not someone I would ever let into my bed.”

“You asked me back here last night.” That was a lie. Lyor knew that was a lie. Even if he had no recollection of the conversation Lyor hadn’t invited anyone anywhere in years. He also didn’t remember having ever left this room. No. He knew that she was lying and that this was some kind of ploy. He couldn’t prove it but he knew it. Every part of him knew it.

“No, I didn’t!” He yelled, pushing her hands away from him again but knowing that he wasn’t going to have very much luck if she continued moving toward him. There was a prick of pain as her hand ran over his thigh and he saw the hypodermic in her hand. What was she injecting him with? What was she going to do if he kept fighting? He assumed there were people watching, what would they do if he kept fighting? Everything was a question now but he knew. He knew this had all been a lie.

“Yes, you did!” Karen doubled down, insisting something that Lyor was never going to believe. He just sat shaking his head, but he could already feel his consciousness slipping again. Normally he was awake longer than this after a blackout. What had she given him in that needle? “Why would I lie?” She kept going, and Lyor slid down the wall, practically unable to move.

“I don’t share a bed with anyone but the three other members of my family.” He mumbled, his voice already sounding less controlled. He shared a bed with Seth, Kendra and Anila. Nobody else. They were his family and they were the only people he wanted to ever share a bed with. “Get out.” He tried to yell, but his voice barely raised.

“No.” She smiled, an awful smile he’d never be able to forget. “I know this is what you want really. Guys always want this.” Lyor fought to push her off, and he kept fighting until there was another pinch of pain and the blackness enveloped him almost immediately. He didn’t know what happened next. He didn’t know if Karen, at least he thought that’s what her name was, he couldn’t remember anymore, if she ever went through with what she was trying or if she just gave up. When he came around he moved to the darkest corner of the room, curling himself up into the ball. Not knowing made him feel unclean, used. He hated this, and he just wanted to go home.

Lyor gave up trying to work out the time. There were no days and nights in this room, he was kept in constant daylight. By the next time the door banged open he was hungry, he was cold and he was sick to his stomach, but his head was also clearing slightly. The haze that had seemed to become his constant companion lifting slightly. He still wasn’t sure that he was ready to release himself from the protective ball he’d rolled himself in. He wanted a shower in scolding hot water, but he didn’t actually remember the last time he got to be clean. “Hey, get up.”

“No.” He mumbled, still keeping his arms wrapped around his legs. There was no way that he was getting up to just have something else happen to him. He knew now. He knew this was all an elaborate lie but how long had he really been here, why wouldn’t the ticking stop. More than that, why had they picked him. “I keep being told this is my room and yet there is no privacy.”

“You don’t deserve privacy, asshole. Get up.” The voice was fairly insistent this time, but Lyor still didn’t make the move himself. It was only when two goons that came up and grabbed him that he let go of his knees. They were going to make sure that he stood up no matter what, so he didn’t want to make it even worse. What did it matter now, though? “You did this.” The spittle he was covered with seemed to be excessive, and when another person was pulled in through the door Lyor felt his entire body wince and try to move away. Karen. “You’re the one who marked her face up all like this.” She was definitely clearly beaten, for what reason Lyor didn’t know, but here they were.

“I’m fairly sure I didn’t.” Hours or days or weeks ago, however long it had been since he’d been here, he wouldn’t have dared answer back like that. Right now though he didn’t care anyway. They would either kill him or let him go and he doubted it would ever be the second. “Whoever caused those bruises has a far bigger hand size than me.” Lyor held his hand up a little and judged it mentally against the man in front of him. “Judging by the size of your fist… it was probably you.”

“You accusing me of beating on a woman?” The venom in the voice raised. Lyor had no idea who he was, or where he stood in this community that everyone had gone on about, but he guessed he was decently high up. “Huh, you trying to blame me for something that you did, you little puissant.”

“No…” Lyor didn’t correct him, he was just trying to tell him. Unfortunately, the fist to his stomach interrupted his thought process. “No, I’m just pointing out that the evidence would suggest it wasn’t me.” That was as far as he got before the two goons who had been holding him up abruptly let go, letting Lyor fall to the floor.

“You’re a liar, asshole, and I don’t like liars.” Lyor could still hear the insults as the blows landed on him. He had learnt how to take a kick when he was in high school. He knew that going limp and protecting his head was really all that he could do, and so that’s what he did. He just asked the universe that it be over quick. Whatever they were doing Lyor was fairly sure that he had just signed his own death warrant.

Lyor had never expected to wake up again, and he wondered for a moment if he was dead when the pain he expected didn’t hit him. He guessed that that was the work of the drugs that they had clearly been giving him. Slowly, even in his currently confused and addled mind, things were starting to fall into place. It was as though realising that this was all a lie had lit a beacon in his mind that was showing him that he needed to fight back. It took a while for him to come back to his senses, but when he did he just listened to the conversation. “You knew he wasn’t going to break.”

“Well, he definitely isn’t now.” That was a new voice, one that Lyor couldn’t remember hearing before. Not here at least. It was vaguely familiar, but Lyor couldn’t put his finger on it right now. “Karen was working on him.” Lyor didn’t have the energy to do more than mentally flinch at the name. The revulsion he felt thinking about her made him want to get up and take whatever else they were planning on giving him.

“Karen was working too slow. We needed to step it up.” That sounded like maybe they hadn’t been lying about how long he’d been here, but it still didn’t feel like weeks. It felt like a day or two. But he had such large gaps in his memory, so many blackouts, how would he know. His hair hadn’t grown though, all it was now was a day or two worth of stubble. Maybe that was his sign that his muddled instincts were still right.

“You’re the one who got impatient and knocked her around.” So Lyor had been right. His most recent attacker had been the one who’d attacked Karen. Not that Lyor actually cared. Even in his current state, he was a little concerned he was feeling so callous. There was a silence and the ticking overtook them all and Lyor was desperate for them to start talking again. He just couldn’t cope with the ticking any longer. “He knows now. We should get what we can about the Kirkman administration from him then send him back. Since my information source dried up now I’m supposed to be dead.” Who was supposed to be dead? Lyor was trying to piece the information all together but he still couldn’t pull it in.

“You think that’ll work?” A different voice, younger, someone Lyor hadn’t heard and who sounded utterly terrified. Probably someone who was either not used to this or actually was against it. That would have been Lyor’s guesses, though really he didn’t have a clue. Most of this was his own bias.

There was still discussion of what to do with him, but Lyor decided to phase it all out. He thought of his family, of Seth and Kendra and Anila. The people he hoped would be able to make it through as they looked for him here. He hoped they were helping each other, anyway. Kendra’s birthday was coming up, he didn’t want this to be overshadowing that. He was hoping that Seth remembered where he’d hidden Kendra’s present when the voice spoke again. “Put Karen on him again, in the other room. She fucked him last time, maybe she can do it again.” That was the last straw, he couldn’t play dead any longer.

“She didn’t fuck me.” He said, trying to push himself up. There was nothing about it that had been as simple as that. He didn’t want to have this fight, he didn’t want to accept what might have happened but he was going to argue it. Given the drugs he was sure were in his system he doubted it could have happened, but whichever way he looked at it the intent had been there.

“Oh, I was watching, she did.” That laughter was the breaking point. A taunting, happy laughter that made his insides squeeze and his heart race. Lyor watched for a second, another second, and then just launched himself to the laughing giant. Lyor hadn’t cared to think until that moment that the man was twice his size, but right now he didn’t care.

“If she did she still didn’t fuck me... when someone is non-consenting I believe they call it rape.” Lyor yelped as he kept pushing backwards, only coming to a stop when they both hit the opposite wall. Lyor just aimed for whatever he could reach, and it seemed like everyone else was too frozen and surprised by the stupidity of his move that they all stayed back and watched.

It didn’t take long for Lyor to be pinned against the wall and entirely unable to move, and all of a sudden he was afraid. Afraid for the first time since he’d learnt that Anila wasn’t here. He could feel the breath on his neck and hear the excitement of the man in his voice as he spoke. “She’s hot and you should shut up with your complaining about it.” How often did he hear stories of people being told that? That they should just shut up and enjoy it. That they were wrong to feel violated? The knowledge that he was wrong didn’t stop that part of Lyor that he ignored piping up and saying he was right. “Just ‘cause you don’t get pussy outside of this doesn’t mean it was rape. You enjoyed it, really.”

“No, I didn’t.” The volume, the venom… both of them were unexpected from Lyor, and clearly surprised everyone else in the room. He tried to move his legs again, get them free of where they were pinned to the wall but he couldn’t. No matter how hard he tried he couldn’t get free. “Believe me, I was the one there. There was nothing enjoyable about the encounter at all.”

This time everyone else in the room laughed, and the noise of it was almost like thunder to Lyor’s ears and he flinched away from the sound of it. “You don’t even know your own name half the time we have you that doped up.” At least there was confirmation. They had stopped trying to lie to him now. Lyor was then dropped, and the surprise of the movement had him landing hard on the floor, the dizziness that came from the drop making it easier for other people to grab him and move him. “Take him to the cells, I’m done with this whiny jackass.”

There was no way that he was going to be able to avoid this now, and there was no way that he was going to be making it home. Luckily for his friends, his family, he didn’t actually know very much about the things they were likely to ask about. He didn’t work with national security or law enforcement or anything similar. That would hopefully protect the people he loved, even if it meant that he was probably going to be dead by the time they knew. He was resigned to that now, he just wished he got to say goodnight to Anila just one last time.


	4. 48 Hours

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No warnings for this chapter, other than possibly a tissue warning.

Almost 48 hours of hell. That’s how Seth would have described the last two days. It was around now that Kendra had last seen Lyor, getting Anila back from him after the afternoon staff briefing. Seth had to try and not focus on that, though. He had to go give the briefing, and every question was going to be about Lyor. It had been since his disappearance had been made public. As he was walking through he saw Kendra and Anila coming through. Until Lyor went missing Kendra had never come to briefings unless she had to. Now she stood in the back with their daughter and Seth was sure it was because she was nervous about any of them being around groups of people alone. “Hey baby girl!” He smiled as soon as they got close enough, and he always felt a warm rush when their baby got excited and reached out for him the second that she could.

He took Anila and with his spare hand held Kendra’s gently, just to reassure her. She had always mothered them a little bit, which Seth knew both he and Lyor enjoyed, but this situation was making it a little overbearing on him at times. “Seth, are you sure?” She asked quietly as they stopped outside the press room, and Seth squeezed her hand and nodded. They didn’t need to say anything, he knew that she’d understand.

“You gonna stand in back?” It wasn’t really a question, he knew that she was going to be there. Even though her overprotectiveness was a little wearing, he wouldn’t lie and say that he disliked looking up and being able to see them in the back, it helped when he was being asked a million questions about Lyor. It meant that he always had a reminder that no matter what he had someone helping him through it.

“I love you.” It was a quiet comment as they stood at the door. Neither of them cared that much about the reporters walking around them, their relationship was public and neither of them had hidden it since they made the announcement almost two years ago now. Seth just stepped up and handed Anila back to her.

“I love you too.” He said simply before moving closer and kissing her deeply. He didn’t plan on it but he just felt like he needed that confidence boost before he went in there. That connection was hard to break, even like this. He then pulled back and kissed Anila’s chubby little cheek. “And you, little miss.” He smiled, then hoped that they’d go through the door so he didn’t have time to focus on the fact it still didn’t feel complete. “Go on, I’ll be fine.”

Kendra stopped before she stepped in, and Seth saw her look at him sadly. “It’s been two days, Seth.” Maybe this was playing on her mind more than either of them admitted. They were both trying to pretend that they could go on with life, do their every day jobs and not feel like there was a hole in their lives but it wasn’t working anywhere near as well as Seth wished it was.

“I know.” There was nothing else that he could say, and he didn’t know what to do to reassure Kendra any further. All he could say is that they would know the moment that anything happened. “They’ll tell us if they find anything, you’re Lyor’s emergency contact anyway.” He wanted to say more, do more, but he couldn’t bring Lyor home by himself.

“Alright, we’ll be back there.” Kendra said after another few moments, then she opened the door and stepped through it, leaving Seth to walk around to the other entrance, his entrance, and nod for his assistant to go in and settle everyone down. Seth was really glad that he didn’t have to do that anymore, it was never his favourite thing.

He listened as things went quiet and then gathered his thoughts and stepped into the room. He scanned over all the journalists sat in the seats in front of him before his eyes flicked up and spotted Kendra through the windows, she was pointing him out to Anila and the sight settled him down enough to speak calmly and clearly. “Good afternoon everyone.”

“Seth, is there any news on Lyor?” They didn’t wait, they never had when it came to a story like this. The reporters worked with West Wing staff, so Seth knew that they were as worried about Lyor as most of the rest of the staff were. He may be abrasive and a bit of an asshole but he was still one of them, and they weren’t exactly the largest group on the planet.

“The FBI are continuing their investigations and are hoping to confirm what they have by the end of the day.” He had his pre-canned response ready, and he knew that it wasn’t what they wanted to hear, but they knew nothing. He wasn’t even sure the FBI knew anything, but they weren’t going to admit that either.

“So that’s nothing?” Seth couldn’t even tell who was speaking at first, then he looked round to see Martin from the New York Post. He was one of the newest members of the press corps, and that made it harder for him to feel connected. He hadn’t been through everything that this administration had been. “Have you and Kendra Daynes been allowed to go home yet?”

“Is your apartment considered a crime scene?” Now the voices were all raising and Seth looked up to where Kendra was. They had both been hoping that they could keep their return home something private, but that wasn’t going to be possible if there were going to be insinuations of crime scenes and intrigue. He had to announce that they were going home and why they hadn’t been there to begin with.

“Is there something more to this than we’re being told?” Tiffany Gimble. Of course. She kept coming back like a bad penny he couldn’t get rid of. He had no idea where her last assignment had taken her, but he kind of wished that it could have kept her there. He didn’t need to look up to see the scowl that Kendra would have.

“Tiffany, always nice to see you back in this room, casting aspersions on my personal life as usual.” There was a good natured chuckle that went around the room and Tiffany herself just smiled and shrugged. “This will be the last time I address any questions about my personal life. No our apartment is not considered a crime scene, Kendra and I have been staying at the White House due to any potential further threat but are planning to return home tonight, and I’m telling you what I’m being told. Anything else you have to get from the FBI.” He wanted to cut it off there, and with no information further on that he moved on to what he needed to announce. When he was finished he looked up again, but Kendra and Anila were gone this time. He hoped they’d be outside when he stepped out.

Briefings had never exhausted him before this week. Now they made him wish for his bed and his family. He didn’t know that they were going to be able to get through all of this, especially if he felt this tired after every briefing. Stepping out into the corridor he was greeted by Kendra and Anila, and the President. “You did well.”

“Thank you sir.” Seth smiled, always liking praise from someone in a position of superiority. The President had been there for them through the worst of times and they’d tried to be there for him too. It meant a lot that he was here to help when Seth felt like he was falling down. Somehow the President made it all seem so much easier to handle.

“Here, take your daughter. I’m needed in court.” Kendra smiled after a second, handing Anila to him without actually giving any warning. Anila, it seemed, had been happy with her mom and started to whimper. Seth bounced her a few times and hoped that she wasn’t going to be this upset all afternoon. He was fairly sure she’d settle again when she realised she wasn’t being left. “Don’t try leaving her with Aaron again. I’ll know.”

“I won’t, she can stay with me.” Seth assured her, kissing their daughter’s cheek a few times as Kendra gathered her things together. This wasn’t how they would usually have done these handovers, but Seth knew that part of this was how worried Kendra was about all of them. “Say bye-bye to momma.” He said quietly as they both waved to her, then Seth turned to the President and shrugged.

“Kendra’s become a little protective?” He asked, and Seth had to nod, rubbing Anila’s back as she whimpered after her mother. This situation was definitely making things more difficult for them both. All three of them were still getting used to parenting and without Lyor here to help they were both struggling a little more with what they had to do.

“She’s scared, and worried, and just really, really upset.” Nothing had ever hurt so much as watching her cry the whole night right after Lyor went missing. She’d been practically inconsolable in one of the guest rooms up in the residence. Seth had just held her close all night and tried to be everything that she had needed. “She doesn’t like leaving Anila with anyone else. I mean, I think she’d even worry leaving her with you right now.” Given that they considered the President as good as her grandfather Seth hoped that would explain to him exactly how bad Kendra was right now.

“You keep her with you, if you need her with you in meetings tell them you have my permission.” The President just smiled and Seth was once again thankful that they worked for such a kind man. He was proud that they’d gotten him elected on his own merits. They walked together through the corridors and when they got to Seth’s office and he managed to put Anila down for a minute he regretted it almost instantly. Every worry he had bubbling up just before the President asked his next question. “How are you both holding up?”

“I’m doing better than Kendra but…” He knew that, and he was sure if you’d asked anyone before this they would have thought that Kendra would be the one who coped best. “It’s hard, you know. We’re so used to it being the three of us I don’t think either of us really knows how to do it just us.” They had been the three of them so long by now that Seth didn’t even know what they were without Lyor. “And then there is Nil, who keeps looking around for her Papa.”

“She’s too young to understand. You’ll have a secret service detail outside the apartment until these threats are all cleared up.” That was something Seth knew that Kendra had wanted to request, and so he had to wonder if she’d said something. “I should have had you all under protection anyway. We knew about these threats, but I don’t think anyone took them as seriously as we should have done.”

“Hindsight is twenty-twenty, sir.” Seth tried to reassure, but even he didn’t think it sounded entire sincere at first. There was a good reason why they weren’t all under protection, and Seth wasn’t sure he would have been able to deal with the intrustion. “If we took every threat seriously they’d need to have the senior staff under protection constantly… And we don’t need that.” At a scream from Anila, reminding Seth that she was teething and very unhappy about not being held, he bent down and picked his daughter up again and wrapped his arms around her for a second, then when she’d settled again he moved to perch her on his hip. “God I miss him, though.” Seth felt the words catch in his throat and the tears spring to his eyes. “I’m trying to stay strong for Ken and Anila and I just…”

“It’s alright, come to grandpa Tom, Nil.” The President took Anila and held her before wrapping an arm around Seth and holding him as the tears fell. “You don’t have to be strong, Seth. You just have to be there. Kendra will understand.” The President had always been able to calm them all like this, and after a few minutes of quiet reassurance Seth was back in control. “I don’t claim to understand your relationship, Judith tried to explain it but it still doesn’t make much sense to me, but I know how it feels to lose someone you love. We’ll keep hoping Lyor is brought back.”

“Thank you, and I’ll come talk to you if I need a friend.” Seth wasn’t going to continue taking people like the President for granted. He knew that he needed to actually open up to people about this. Their relationship was just such a taboo that it wasn’t really going to be worth it if people were going to find out about them and use it to their advantage. The President knew, and that was something.

“Please do, and tell Kendra too.” Seth just nodded then took Anila back as he watched his boss turn and head back out through the White House, no doubt to something far more important than the emotions of his press secretary. Not that Seth was sorry about the fact that he’d been able to get it out. He managed to get through most of the rest of the afternoon with Anila perched on his hip.

The most surprising moment was a couple of hours later when he was told that Hannah Wells needed to see him. It was rare that he went down to the intelligence side of the building, they tended to try and not interfere down here. “What is it Hannah? Hi Chuck.” He said as he stepped in, Anila staring at the lights above them that were so harsh in comparison to the ones upstairs.

“Oh, you brought the baby?” Hannah asked, pausing as her eyes landed on the baby that was perched on Seth’s hip. Seth wanted to get all this done with as soon as he possibly could given that Anila was going to need a nap soon and he didn’t have a sling with him. The one thing that nobody could say about this White House was that they didn’t support hands on parenting.

“Kendra’s in court and she’d murder me if Nil was out of my sight for even a minute.” Truthfully, though Seth kept letting Kendra be the over protective one, if Anila wasn’t with him, he didn’t want her to be with anyone but Kendra. “What’s wrong?” He kept pushing, trying to bring Hannah back to the matter at hand, why she’d needed him here to begin with.

“I just need to know if you recognise anything. I’ll be asking Kendra too when she’s back.” Hannah brought him over to Chuck’s computer terminal but still seemed to be slightly put off by the fact that Anila was with them. “She is really very small.” Only people who weren’t having to carry a baby constantly thought that by Anila’s age and he had to smile a little when he remembered how tiny she’d been when they’d gotten to take her home 10 months earlier.

“She’s not that small, especially not when you’ve been carrying her for an hour.” He chuckled a little then decided that letting Hannah see exactly how not little Anila was. Given that she was still fascinated by the lights Seth thought they’d be fine as long as Hannah didn’t move away from where Anila could still see him.. “Here, why don’t you hold her and I’ll go through these. Just… don’t move too far away, she doesn’t know you very well.”

“Alright, so just go through the pictures and tell me if anything looks familiar.” Chuck then said as Seth bent over the desk, looking at what it was on the screen. Seth recognised the street as being the one their building was on, and he had the feeling that pictures were from the superstore on the far corner. “They don’t have to, most are probably unrelated it’s just protocol.”

“Sure.” He agreed, slowly starting to scroll through the pictures while listening to Hannah try and entertain his daughter. This was the first time he’d really thought about the idea of Hannah with a small child, and she was better at it than he would have thought. It was a few minutes in before he saw anything that had been brought to their attention, and even then it was something that they’d laughed about. “This car. It’s been on our block a lot lately. Kendra thought it belonged to a guy in the building across from us.”

“This man?” Chuck brought up a picture, but unlike the car the man was entirely unfamiliar. Kendra had never pointed out who she thought the car belonged too, and maybe unsurprisingly they hadn’t really pushed each other for details. He and Lyor had just used it as something else to tease her about. Sometimes she made it far too easy for them. Maybe now she’d been on to something after all.

“I don’t know, she was the only one who ever saw him. Lyor and I… We laughed at her. Said she was too nosy for her own good.” Seth still maintained that that was one of Kendra’s downfalls. At work she was unfailing professional and didn’t try and discover things that she wasn’t supposed to know, but in their personal lives she was so unfailingly nosy it was endearing.

“We’ll find where he is, Seth. We’ve already got some leads we’re going to follow up.” Hannah said coming and standing beside him. There was no reason for Hannah to lie to him but he felt that she probably was. She wasn’t the best at comfort either, but she was a great agent and he still believed that they would find Lyor.

“Tell me if you find anything.” He ended up saying, not really sure what else he could say. As far as Hannah and Chuck knew, Lyor was just his housemate and his best friend. There was no way that Seth could say what he really thought without there being a lot more questions asked than he thought that he was actually going to be able to cope with. He didn’t know if there was eve going to be a time he could be open with it, but he wished there was.

“I will.” Hannah nodded, then handed Anila back to him. Seth smiled as he held her against his chest and felt her immediately settle against his shoulder, cuddling down no doubt to fall asleep for the nap that was very overdue. At least it had maybe taught Hannah that no matter how little babies looked, they were rarely actually that little. “Here, you’re right she’s not that little.”

Seth was actually overjoyed when he saw Kendra walking down the corridor as they headed up from Hannah’s office, though Anila had been starting to fall asleep she clearly sensed her mother nearby too, as she bolted upright and almost immediately reached out for Kendra to take her. “Hey there baby, did you behave for daddy?” She asked, and Seth had to not feel a little betrayed by how quickly the baby had abandoned him.

“Of course she did, she’s always perfect for her daddy.” He laughed as they headed into Kendra’s office. He shut both the doors, but not before making it clear to Jamie that they weren’t to be disturbed. They both needed a minute alone and Seth just wanted to have the time with his two girls. “Ken, come here.” He said as he dropped onto her sofa, reaching up and tugging her hand a little.

“What?” She asked, turning and looking at him. Seth took that opportunity to pull her hand again, and a moment later she sat down beside him, sitting Anila on his knee. The baby was clearly exhausted, and Seth could tell that she wasn’t the only one. Kendra looked like she was about ready to drop too.

“You’ve been going non-stop for forty-eight hours and I’d like a few minutes with my girlfriend and my daughter.” Even when they’d gone to bed, they’d cuddled together until they were asleep and then as soon as they were awake they were both up and going again. Clearly neither of them were wanting to think about what it was that was happening, or what might have happened to Lyor that they were never going to know for sure. Even if they got him back there were things that people couldn’t talk about.

“I only… I only stop focusing on Lyor when I’m busy.” Kendra said after a moment, and Seth knew that she meant. He could only stop himself from worrying when he was with her, and when they were both trying to work. “I keep picturing what could be happening to him, Seth. What they might be doing to him…” Kendra shuddered a little, and Seth didn’t want to know what it was that was going through her mind. “Thinking that we might never see him again.”

“We’re going to see him again, Ken. I know it.” He truly believed that, and he wasn’t normally the optimist of the two of them. He was usually the pessimist. Kendra was who kept their spirits up most of the time. “And if anything happened we still have each other, and we have Anila, and we would find a way to make sure that we remember Lyor.”

“I want him home.” Kendra just said simply, Seth rested his forehead against the side of her head. It didn’t seem to matter how close they were it still felt like something was missing. The part of them both that was shaped like Lyor. “I want him to be telling me something stupid about radiation or the history of the human race.”

“I do too.” Seth was sure that they wouldn’t want to go home alone, but after two nights in an unfamiliar bed he wanted his own bed and he wanted to know Anila was in her crib and he hoped that maybe something could start feeling normal if they did that. “We should go home though. Anila needs her own bed and you and I do too.” Seth wanted to hold her close and reassure her that they were alright and that they were together because he knew that she was as afraid as she was.

“Secret Service are going to drive us to and from, they don’t want me using my car.” Kendra had probably been being driven around all day and was no doubt getting a little fed up of it. A moment later though she picked Anila up and stood up, just looking as exhausted as Seth’s heart was feeling. “Come on baby girl, momma is very tired.”

The car was not really designed for what it was being used for, but Seth kept a tight hold on Anila and smiled a little as Kendra fell asleep on his shoulder. It was only a twenty minute drive to their apartment, but it was enough to give Kendra a boost. “Baby, we’re home.” He whispered quietly as they pulled up, and he spoke to Anila as they started moving. “Come on Nil, let’s let momma get out the car. Thanks guys, have a good night.” Seth called back to their agents, wrapping an arm around Kendra as they stepped into the apartment. All cleaned and put back together. “Go get in bed, I’ll put Nil down.” He said quietly, kissing Kendra’s head.

“Seth…” She started, and he just shook his head a little. He knew that her instincts wanted Anila in their room, but they both needed to get used to her sleeping in her own crib, and they could keep an eye on her all night if they really needed too.

“She’ll be fine in her crib, Ken. You have the monitor right next to you and we have secret service protection.” He reminded her, feeling Anila’s head getting heavier on his shoulder as she fell sound asleep. This was just the proof to Seth that they were all too tired to be having this discussion. He kissed Kendra’s forehead again and went into the nursery, changing Anila being so much easier when she was asleep. “She went out like a light, almost as soon as I put her down.” He said as he walked in and started to change, it was as he was doing that that he heard the sniffles and turned around, practically vaulting onto the bed without taking his socks off. “Hey, hey come here.”

“I miss Lyor.” Kendra wailed as he pulled her against his chest, and the sadness that she was radiating had him starting to cry too. They both just sat there together crying, and Seth remembered what the President had said earlier. He didn’t need to be strong, he just needed to be there.

“I know. I miss him too.” He whispered into her hair after a while, holding her as close as he humanly could. “We just… gotta keep going through the motions and trust that Hannah and John can find him and bring him home.” That was the one thing that Seth knew they really needed to be doing now. They needed to trust others and hope that Lyor would be home. “We should get some sleep, tomorrow is another day, and we both have important jobs to do.”

“Anila’s fine, right?” Kendra looked at the monitor they had on the other side of the bed, and Seth found himself looking up and checking it too. He needed to know for sure that Anila was still right there and sound asleep, but he’d known she would be and sure enough she was there sleeping soundly.

“She’s sound asleep, just like her momma should be.” He smiled softly, the pure love that Kendra had for their family always made Seth feel even more blessed that he was a part of this. Even right now, with everything they were having to go through, he wouldn’t change the family he’d built for anything. They weren’t traditional and it was going to be even harder after this but he loved every second of it. “I love you.”

“I love you.” Kendra replied quietly, and Seth just kissed her deeply as they settled down, reassuring each other that they were there and they weren’t going to be going anywhere. Seth didn’t want to let her out of his arms, and maybe he would admit that Kendra wasn’t the only one who was feeling over protective of their little family.


	5. Just A Little Bit Stabbed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings for extreme violence and mild torture in this one. But I promise this is the last one everything from now on is just emotional whump and the world's most incompetent torturers.

He missed the ticking. After a few hours in this room, long enough that most of the drug that had been metabolised, he realised he missed the ticking. He was the most clear headed he could remember being since he arrived here and the silence was worse than the ticking. He didn’t even bother trying to move as he knew that it would be pointless. There was nowhere for him to go and no way for him to get home anyway. He tried counting minutes in his head, but with the change from constant daylight to constant darkness meant he had lost any idea of time. How long he’d been gone he had no idea. He winced as the door opened, bathing the room in a bright light that his eyes had been unprepared for. He didn’t need his glasses to know who it was who’d come in, the smell alone was enough that he knew it was his favourite tormentor. “Hey, the asshole is awake.” He felt his chin being grabbed, forcing him onto his feet. “Good, we needed to be sure we didn’t kill you.”

“I think that would have been too easy.” Lyor deadpanned. By this point he was sure there was only pain coming to him now. He just wanted to try and hold out. He was sure that Hannah Wells would be on the case by now, and she seemed to be able to find anything and anyone. That was the impression that Aaron had always given him. Then again, that meant that Lyor was trusting Aaron. How far they’d come.

“Well, now I don’t have to pretend to be kind to you.” Lyor should really have sensed the hand that was coming up to meet his face, but he didn’t. The slap stung, but at least that’s all it was. An open handed slap, probably a warning. Reminding him that he didn’t have any choice in what was going on here. “No more nice guy.”

“You mean you were a nice guy before?” Lyor grumbled quietly, being wrenched upwards again to be standing fully. This wasn’t what he would have picked for his next interaction with a human being, but it was better than the silence. He had never done very well with silence.

“You have some information that we want.” Information? Lyor was a political advisor. He wasn’t involved in anything that actually would be worth information. Sometimes it was as though people believed in what they saw on the TV. It wasn’t nearly so glamourous to work in the White House. So whatever information they wanted he was almost certain he would not be able to give.

“I can assure you that I probably don’t.” Lyor realised that continuing to give the sarcastic half answers were not likely to get him any favours but he just couldn’t help it. Kendra’s optimism had, for the most part, beaten the natural pessimist out of him, but his response to any situation was still to resort to sarcasm.

“Damien says you do.” The reply was snappy, as if challenging Lyor to call someone a liar. The name didn’t mean anything though, and that meant that playing it off as though Lyor could have no idea if they were telling the truth was better. Either that or just give his actual first thought. That was probably a safer idea for him.

“Who the hell is Damien?” Lyor asked, though the name rang a bell. A little like the voice he’d struggled to place before. There was a sudden realisation, but it couldn’t be. He was dead. Hannah had killed him. They may have never found the body but that was almost two years ago. Damien Rennet was dead, there was no way that he was involved in this.

“A friend.” That was the first unsure answer that had been given, and Lyor narrowed his eyes. His world may have been largely made up of blurs right now but he could still scowl if he needed to. That was good to know. He just shook his head a little and chuckled before there was another response. “Who Damien is doesn’t matter, you’re going to tell us what we want to know.”

“I’m probably not but sure.” Even he was getting fed up of his sarcastic answers, but he couldn’t help himself. He couldn’t seem to contain the sarcasm now that it had started flowing from him. There was something about having that part of him back. The dark also took his ability to care about anything. He couldn’t forget what had happened to him, but the darkness hid it all away.

“Oh, I think we have ways.” Lyor didn’t have the time to respond before the scalding water was poured over his feet. He jumped to try and get away from the heat, meaning that when he landed the scalding water had heated the stone beneath him, adding to the agony. He heard screaming, but it took a moment for his brain to realise that he was the one screaming. The noise was coming from his throat.

The pain slowly receded into something he could ignore, the scream dying from his throat. His eyes were still closed and the echo in the room was throwing off his other senses. He tried to trace where the tormentor was, his voice, his questions… they seemed to bounce around almost as much as the footsteps. Every time he refused to answer, and every time something hit him hard. He couldn’t tell what it was at first, some sort of bat or stick. Curved on the end. Flat on one side. A few more blows and he recognised it as a field hockey stick.

Questions didn’t seem to stop, but Lyor lost track of them. He didn’t know the answer to a single one, but he was going to keep saying lies and falsehoods. Anything that made it seem like he might actually know the answer to one or two of these questions. He didn’t though, he wasn’t at all involved in national security. Eventually he was dropped to the floor, broken and bruised but still breathing. How long he’d be doing that if this happened again he didn’t know, but for now he’d take the small victory. “You’re back.”

“Well, we thought we’d let you eat and sleep.” Oh goodie, his favourite tormentor. Just who he wanted to see right at this moment in time. He hated this already and was sure that there was going to be an indeterminate time of him giving smartass and incorrect answers before they gave up again. He wondered how many more times he’d be put through the motions.

“Neither of those things happened.” He hadn’t slept, he’d tried, but that was when he felt the injuries from the last session. All that he’d had was the glass of water, and in the water he could strongly taste whatever it was that they were drugging him with. Not that he had any idea what it was. “Maybe you meant them to.” He decided that he’d play along, though he wasn’t going to do that for all that long. He was ready to leave it at that but his own smart-ass mind decided to betray him. It couldn’t have just left it. “I did appreciate the painkillers though, thanks for those.” He winced himself, but he actually didn’t regret saying it.

“Let’s start this again.” Lyor was more prepared this time but that still wasn’t enough for him to avoid the yell when he felt the prongs of a taser hitting his stomach. The bruises stung for a micro-second before the current surged through him, causing his muscles to tense and release. That was just the first salvo, Lyor had realised that with his blistered feet. He was soon able to turn that part of his brain off.

When the questions started getting more insistent Lyor knew that the method would change again and so he once again tried to prepare himself for whatever he had chosen next. After another particularly sarcastic answer Lyor felt the blade of a knife followed by the sharp snap of something plastic. The alternating of those two was far more effective at stopping him getting used to the pain, but neither hurt particularly. The drugs they kept feeding him weren’t as far out of his system now as they had been earlier.

“You need to give me more than this.” His tormentor demanded after a few more minutes. No answers were going to come because Lyor didn’t know them. It didn’t matter how much they yelled or threatened or did anything at all, he was going to keep telling them whatever came into his mind. “Or I’ll have to go harder.”

“I’m sure that’s what your girlfriend says.” There was no reason for him to have said that, and it wasn’t something he would have usually said to anyone. Right now thought it seemed like it would be something that would maybe shock the man into backing off for a moment, giving him a break, but it didn’t go that way. The pain was different this time, and looking down Lyor saw the hilt of the knife sticking out of his side. That couldn’t be good for him. He couldn’t even feel it, but that was likely the shock. He knew what shock could do, and he was desensitised to so much. Shock or the drugs. Everything seemed dulled right now. His legs gave out and he crashed to the ground as the door burst open again. “Dude what the hell!?” Was the shout Lyor heard, but he didn’t have the time to think about it.

“It’s only a little stab.” Nobody wanted to hear those words. Especially not when they were the one who’d been stabbed. Lyor was trying to focus on staying conscious. Consciousness was what was going to keep him alive. The more he focused on the voices the longer he could fight off the end.

“That is not a little stab, that’s deep.” Lyor saw the shadow in his vision bend down and felt the tug of the knife being pulled away. He felt the splurt of blood, and even in his current shocked and semi-conscious state he knew that was a bad sign, trying to angle his hands in such a way he could try and apply what pressure he could. “Shit. I didn’t think I went that deep.”

“Fuck, what are we gonna do?” More uncertainty seemed to be all there was, and he didn’t know what to think. Lyor heard no more, focusing instead on the growing pool of wet warmth beneath where he’d dropped. It was blood, his blood, and he knew this was it. He thought about everything he was going to miss, Seth and Kendra’s wedding, no doubt. He was happy for the people he loved more than anyone he could have ever imagined. Anila’s milestones, her future. He would always just be a vague memory to her. How he loved all of them, and he hoped that they were at least given something to bury, and that they would be there to see each other through. His last thought as the darkness claimed him was of his daughter, and how much he wished he got to see her grow up.


	6. Reactions

Four days, heading into the fifth, and there had been no word. No sign, even, of Lyor or where he may have gone. Kendra had had to get on with her work, that’s what Lyor would have wanted her and Seth to do. Anila was playing in her playpen in the one corner of the room, largely protected from the bustle of the White House by the open door that hid her from view. She was just thinking that maybe it was time they go and get dinner with Seth and think about going home when Hannah Wells ran in to the room breathless. “Kendra, we found him.”

“What?” She said a little louder than she’d meant, causing Anila to whimper a little. Kendra felt slightly guilty that she’d clearly made her daughter jump, but at the same time she almost couldn’t believe what Hannah was telling her. They’d found Lyor, and given the way she was talking Kendra had to believe that it was only good news. Surely it couldn’t be bad news if she’d come to get her so quickly.

“Well, more specifically, he was dumped outside a fire station.” Hannah herself seemed puzzled by that. Kendra tilted her head a little because the word _dumped_ made her second guess her instant thought that he was alive. After a second Hannah clearly realised the confusion and elaborated. “He’s alive, they are bringing him to the ER at GW right now.” If they were bringing him here then he couldn’t have been far away. How had he not been found? That would be a question for later.

“Wait, what? They were still local.” Kendra just shook her head, deciding that that wasn’t important. What was important was how they knew it was him and how he had survived. Kendra had tried to stay positive but she’d full expected that she’d never see Lyor again, and never get to tell him the things that she’d learnt. “How…?”

“We don’t know, but believe me we’ll be looking into it.” Hannah just shook her head then motioned to the door. Kendra got up and grabbed her jacket, pulling it on quickly. “Come on, we’re taking you there now. You’re his next of kin and you have his durable power.”

“We need to get Seth.” She was already out the door before she spun on her heel and reached around the door, scooping Anila up and pretending like in her hurry to go and see Lyor she hadn’t almost forgotten that their daughter had been in the room too. “And I need to leave Anila with someone.” Kendra paused as she tried to think exactly what she could do. She didn’t want to take Anila with them, and there was only one person that she could trust who was nearby. “Hannah, can you take her to the President? I’ll go get Seth and meet you back here in a moment.”

“Alright, sure.” Hannah only hesitated for a second, and Kendra remembered Seth telling her about how Hannah was not at all comfortable with the baby. Anila, however, seemed happy enough to go to Hannah. Clearly there had been some kind of impression made there. “Come on, Anila.”

“Call her Nil, she’ll be more comfortable with you.” Seth was the entire reason that that nickname had stuck, but Kendra liked it more than the others they’d thought of. She watched as Hannah walked away with her baby then shook herself off, almost running to Seth’s office to pull him out of whatever it was he was doing to come with her. She wasn’t doing this alone. “Seth, they found him.”

“What?” He just stared at her as she burst through his office door. She guessed that it maybe wasn’t all that surprising that he was a bit taken aback, but surely it was obvious what she was saying. Kendra didn’t actually think that it needed to be explained at all. They’d found Lyor and he was alive and they could figure the rest of it out when they were all together again.

“They found him, Hannah’s going to take us there now.” She was pulling her coat tighter around her because she felt like the November air was going to make her regret not putting on a pantsuit today, but she wasn’t going to focus on that, she was going to think about the fact that she would be with Lyor soon, and she’d know that he was okay.

“Where’s Anila?” Seth asked quietly after a few seconds, and Kendra just smiled. She hoped that he took it as a sign that she was trying to let go of the worries. Some of them. Tonight was going to be very different, originally, with very different news but right now this was actually better.

“With the President. He’ll take care of her.” She then stepped up to him and wrapped her arms around him. She almost couldn’t believe her luck that they found him. Lyor was alive and they could go and see him. “We have to go. He’s alive, Seth. He’s alive.” She just couldn’t believe it. She kissed him once then jumped away and headed toward the door, turning just in time to see Seth dithering. “Someone else can deal with the press this afternoon, babe. Nathan can do it.”

“I’m coming, I’m coming.” He held his hands up after a second then walked out alongside her. They were both trying not to make it obvious what was going on but given that Kendra couldn’t wipe the smile off her face she doubted that there was really all that much doubt in anyone that saw her. She hoped that they all knew that Lyor was found and that he was alive and now he was safe. She didn’t want to say or think that he was okay, he probably wasn’t and wouldn’t be for a while, but she was going to focus on ‘alive’.

As soon as they got to the hospital Kendra couldn’t help herself, running through and demanding to know where Lyor was, then running to where she was told. She needed to see him to know that things were going to be alright in the end. The waiting room they’d been directed too seemed like a mockery of how anxious she was feeling right now, and Seth’s seeming calmness as he waited was actually annoying her. There were others in the room, but as soon as the FBI caught up with them were moved to a more private area to wait for the news. “Kendra Daynes?”

“Yes.” She responded, turning from where she’d been stood staring out of the window. They had been waiting almost an hour and she hadn’t been able to wear herself out as much as she’d wanted. Seth also stood up as her name was called and the doctor looked between them. “This is my partner, Lyor’s best friend.” It was a tiny white lie but it was going to be easier than explaining everything. “Is he alright?”

“He’s in surgery, he was stabbed and lost a lot of blood among other internal injuries.” Kendra didn’t like the sound of that. Internal injuries pretty much just always said to her that there was going to be a problem with the way that Lyor was. “But if he makes it through the surgery he should have a good recovery. Physically.”

“Meaning?” She really didn’t understand what he meant, and why he had been specific about it being physical. Kendra had assumed that there was going to be some psychological problems that they were going to have to learn to deal with but she honestly hadn’t thought that much about it. Maybe some of her own relief at having him back had been clouding her to what it was that they were going to have to be dealing with.

“There are signs of extreme abuse, and he’s been being sedated with Fentanyl, he had a large amount in his system.” Kendra looked over her shoulder to see Hannah coming in the room enough to hear that and in a way she hoped that it would help Hannah work out where he’d been over the last few days. The idea that he’d been being treated, at least for the pain, was a comfort for Kendra for a reason she didn’t understand.

“The painkiller?” Seth asked, his hand flexing in hers. Clearly he had thought of something that she hadn’t, and when she turned to him she realised that he actually looked a little more worried now than he had a few minutes earlier.

“It’s highly addictive and in this concentration could have caused a dependency. We’ll know when he’s conscious.” Another nod and the doctor looked back over his shoulder then backed away from them slowly. “There will likely be psychological issues. I’ll have a nurse update you soon.” He nodded to both of them then to Hannah before turning away. Hannah looked between them then nodded to the door and stepped outside, giving them some privacy.

“What if we get him back just for the surgery to be too much for him?” She said quietly, that one thing that had been in the back of her mind since they’d said he was found. That they would get him back just in time to be told that he wasn’t going to make it and they needed to say goodbye. She just wasn’t sure that she knew how to deal with it.

“Ken, we need to focus on the positives.” Seth whispered back, pulling her into his arms and holding her tightly. This was one of the positions that always made her feel safer. Being held by either one of her boys just reminded her how much she depended on them both. “He’s alive, we can cope with everything else when we know how he is.” He kept rubbing her back gently and she would admit that he was slowly but surely feeling better from the comfort.

“I’m still so scared.” She mumbled a few minutes later. There was only one thing that she knew for certain, and that was that she didn’t know what she’d do if anything actually happened to Lyor. She loved him too much to consider doing all this without him. She had so much to tell them both, but she didn’t want to until she could tell them both. “I can’t lose him Seth.”

“We’re not going to lose him.” The quiet confidence wasn’t lost on her, and the fact that Seth was so sure that there was going to be a good outcome made Kendra feel more like she could face all of it. “He’ll be okay.” Kendra wasn’t actually sure if he was trying to convince her or himself, but it didn’t matter. They would somehow face it all.

Kendra had no idea how long they waited before someone came to speak to them again. She didn’t know what she’d expected but it wasn’t that they could go thrpugh and see him. Kendra had just been expecting for him to be unconscious or out of it for a few hours. They waited while she called the White House and told them that Lyor was out of surgery. Kendra couldn’t hide how thrilled she was at that, because it was something she truly believed she’d never get to say.

Once they had made sure their friends knew that Lyor was okay they went in to the room, and Kendra had to admit that it wasn’t what she expected. She knew that as a presidential employee there were certain perks at GW, largely given on the assumption that the President would be visiting, but this room was a large private recovery room. She stopped beside the bed, Seth next to her, and spoke quietly. “Hey Lyor, we’re here.” She watched as he slowly opened one eye and smiled wider. “Hey.”

“No, no Karen. No.” The reaction was immediate, and ever so slightly terrifying. Kendra was sure that if he hadn’t been quite so drugged Lyor would have thrown himself out of the bed to get away from her. Karen though, who the hell was that? Kendra had been mistaken for a Karen a few times in her life, it was a far more common name, but Lyor was clearly not mistaking her. Something had caused this reaction.

“Who’s Karen, babe?” She tried again, but the panic in his face just increased when she moved a little closer. There was no denying that Lyor was terrified, and no doubt it was something to do with what he’d gone though in the time he’d been held. She didn’t really know what it was that was making him react this way. She looked to Seth with a mild feeling of panic, hoping he might know what to do.

“Ken, let me.” He said quietly, squeezing her arm then moving in front of her and kneeling down to get Lyor’s attention then spoke directly to him. “Hey, Lyor. It’s okay. It’s me.” He reached out and brushed a hand over Lyor’s forehead, almost immediately calming him down with one of their familiar gestures.

“Seth. Seth?” There was still a hint of panic in Lyor’s voice but it was much calmer already. Kendra took a step back seeing that and frowned a little. It was clearly something about her, and whoever this Karen was. She also couldn’t deny that she was a little hurt, though that was something that she probably shouldn’t be concerned about.

“It’s me. Kendra’s here too.” Seth saying it made Lyor look again, though he grabbed Seth’s hands tightly as he did. Almost as if he was afraid that without Seth there he would lose what little part of normalcy had returned.

“I can’t see. Looks like Karen.” It was a small voice and Kendra’s heart shattered. Seeing someone you loved this broken was the worst pain she actually could have imagined. She hated that Lyor was having to go through this and that nothing at all she could do would change what had happened. She didn’t have a time machine. “Are you sure it’s Ken?”

“I’m sure. I brought your spare glasses.” Seth smiled, and Kendra realised why he’d been carrying them around ever since Lyor went missing. He’d known that when they got him back he wouldn’t have his glasses with them. Once Lyor got them on she smiled softly, still staying back. “See, it’s Kendra.”

Lyor studied her for the longest time then screwed his eyes shut and shook his head, his fear returning. “I can’t… I…” He trailed off and just started to cry quietly. There was nothing here that Kendra could do, and it hurt her to be the cause of such pain to someone she loved so much, so she didn’t need anyone to say it, she bent down and kissed the top of Seth’s head before turning away a little.

“It’s alright, I’ll wait outside.” She said quietly, stepping toward the door before turning back and saying the one thing that she desperately needed to say. “Lee, I love you.” She needed him to know, because she wasn’t going to come back in here until he wanted to see her. She wouldn’t be able to stay away, but she couldn’t do this to him either.

“Go on, I’ll stay here.” Seth said as Lyor’s silence stretched and Kendra just stepped out again, almost the moment she was out of the door she felt the sobs coming on, and she was grateful that Hannah was there to catch her in that moment of utter weakness. She wasn’t sure how she’d gotten to the chairs, or when Hannah had got up to make a phone call, or when the tears had finally dried up enough that she could stand up again and look through the window, watching as Lyor spoke to Seth. All the terror of her being in the room gone. She didn’t know if she’d be able to go in again after that.

She had no idea how long it was she’d been standing there before she heard a squeak and turned to see the President, Mike and Anila coming toward her. She reached out for her daughter instantly and just held her close. She hadn’t realised how much comfort the little girl could bring when it was the most needed. They were all quiet for a moment before the question she had no idea how to answer. “How is he?”

“I don’t know. He freaked out when he saw me, started talking about someone called Karen.” She hadn’t even told Hannah why she’d come out, why it was so bad for her right now when she should have only been thinking about Lyor. “I think Seth’s trying to find out what happened now.” She smiled as Anila looked through the window at her two dads. “Hey baby girl, you wanna see Papa. Mike could you take her in, I think Lyor would like to see her.”

“Sure, Ken.” Mike smiled, and then put his arms out for the little girl. Mike carrying Anila was always such a wonderful sight for Kendra. He was so big and Anila so tiny, and yet Mike doted on her. The one thing her daughter had was an abundance of uncles who would do anything for her. “Come on big girl, let’s go see how Lyor is, huh.”

“Kendra?” The President asked almost as soon as the door was closed. She looked over her shoulder to check that they were alone, as she didn’t really want to discuss this with anyone else yet. It was going to be hard enough to discuss it with him, and since he’d started dating her mother almost a year earlier he’d become like another father to her.

“I don’t know.” She said honestly. How she felt she had no idea. She only knew that it hurt to be in this position. “I love him and I feel like going in there I’m just going to hurt him more.” Staying away was going to hurt her though, and she just really didn’t know what to do. “I can’t… I don’t know what to do.” That was the hardest thing that she’d ever had to do, and almost instantly she dropped her head as the sobs started again.

“You’ll do what you always do.” She heard quietly from right beside her, and when she turned she felt herself pulled into the huge that she’d so desperately needed. “You’ll be where he needs you, and maybe that is being away from him for now. We’ll get him some help, we’ll get all of you help.” That was a promise that she needed to be real, because she needed for them all to get through it. “You’ve made it through worse things than this, Kendra.” He rubbed her back as he kept hold of her, and now the tears had started she knew that she couldn’t stop.

“I made it through because I had them.” She nodded to the room beside them. Seth and Lyor had been right there for her through everything she’d been through the last couple of years. “What am I going to do if I can’t be there for him?” That question set her off again and she took a few more minutes to compose herself again. “I’m sorry I just…” She was going to say the words, and they were not to the person she had expected to tell first. “I found out I’m pregnant again. Just this morning.”

“Congratulations.” The smile was genuine, and even Kendra couldn’t avoid the smile she responded with. They had so desperately wanted a second child. The moment that Anila had arrived they knew they wanted more, but she didn’t know how to tell them with all this going on around them. “Seth doesn’t know yet, does he?” Tom had clearly realised that Kendra likely wouldn’t have been left on her own if Seth had known.

“No. Nobody does.” She shook her head gently and frowned. This was not how she had wanted to tell people. “I haven’t even told my mom, I’m only 6 or 7 weeks.” They hadn’t told anyone until she was further along with Anila, and she hadn’t planned on doing it this time either, but circumstances changed everything. “How can I think about bringing another baby into this world when I have all this to face.”

“Because you’re an amazing mom, Seth is a great father and Lyor adores your daughter.” It was always nice to hear it from someone who was not actually in her family. She just didn’t know what they would do if Lyor didn’t come through this. “Families don’t stop growing when bad things happen. Sometimes they even grow faster.” Fleetingly Kendra wondered if he was thinking about her mom, but she wasn’t going to ask.

There was just one thing that she needed to say to someone and she hadn’t known how to do it. She couldn’t do it to Seth, he needed her to be there to support him no matter what, and she definitely couldn’t do it to other people in their lives who had no idea about the nature of their relationship. “I’m scared.”

“I know, but we’re here.” He reassured her as the door opened, Kendra looked up to see Lyor sat up a little more, Anila in his lap and Mike sat next to them. The look Lyor was giving their daughter was one of pure devotion and Kendra knew that he would eventually feel the same about their next child, but she really didn’t know how to reconcile the fact that she couldn’t be there with them.

The door opened slowly and Kendra let go of their boss and wiped her eyes just in time to see Seth coming over to them. “Sir, do you want to go in and see him?” Kendra could tell it wasn’t really a request, but the President was still their boss, and they needed to show him the correct amount of deference. “I need to talk to Ken.”

“Of course.” The President squeezed her arm once more gently then stepped away and into the doorway before turning back to them. “I’ll speak to you later.” It was clear to Kendra that she wasn’t going to be able to avoid that, but she didn’t really want it to have to think about it right now. There were more important things for her to be focused on.

“What happened, Seth?” She asked, even though she wasn’t sure that she really wanted to know. At least if she knew maybe they could figure out how to work past it together. There was nothing she wouldn’t do for Lyor, or Seth, and for the good of their family. She didn’t know what to do and maybe Seth would know better how to work it out.

“The woman they had as his first handler… without his glasses looked just like you.” Alright, she was going to guess that was Karen… but that didn’t explain all of it. It was worse and she just waited for Seth to say what it was. “He thinks she raped him.” That was not what she’d expected. Lyor’s sexuality had never been a barrier to either of them, they accepted that he was Asexual and they hadn’t ever pushed it, so that would have been his worst idea. Kendra wanted to ask I they were sure. “His memories aren’t clear but that one he recounted in detail, up to the point he was drugged again.”

“Oh god.” She didn’t know what there was that they could do to change this. She couldn’t actually do all that much about how she looked, and if that was always going to be a problem for Lyor they would need to have a very serious discussion about things.

“I said you’d come in to say goodbye. We’ll make sure he has his glasses on, hopefully he’ll be able to see it’s you.” Seth pulled her to the chairs, his arm wrapped around her shoulder and she instinctively cuddled into him. The way that she always did when she needed support from him. “He’s feeling guilty about his reaction.”

“God, how are we gonna get through this, Seth?” She couldn’t stop thinking about that. All she could think about was the fact that they had to get Lyor through all of this and on top of that they were going to have to work out, together, how they managed a second baby and still give attention to Anila and their jobs. It was all seemingly like too much to handle.

“The same way we get through everything, one day at a time.” Seth responded, and his confidence reminded Kendra that she wasn’t alone in this. She had Seth and hopefully one day soon she’d have Lyor again. Standing right beside her. Clearly Seth sensed that she was still upset and went to pull her closer. “Come here. The President can keep him company for a minute.”

“Seth… I’m pregnant.” She hadn’t planned on telling him like this but the words tumbled out she needed to know his reaction. “We’re having another baby.” She watched the smile grown on his face and was glad that even with the seriousness of all that was going on with their family right now, Seth could still be overjoyed at the idea of a new baby. He put his hand on her stomach and Kendra focused on that warmth and she knew, she just knew, that this was going to all work out somehow. How though she didn’t know yet.


	7. Despondency

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... new warnings for a new chapter... but this one is the turning point I swear. Like pinky promise.

It had been two weeks and Lyor found himself getting more and more upset that Kendra hadn’t come to visit him. He knew that she was there. She spoke to his doctors, she was kept aware of what was going on and, more tellingly, Seth brought Anila with him. Lyor knew Kendra well enough that she wouldn’t let her daughter come to a hospital if she wasn’t nearby. He hadn’t addressed it before, but he wanted to today. “Kendra still not coming in?” He asked as Seth sat Anila in his lap.

“How did you know she was here?” Seth asked as though it wasn’t obvious. By this time of the day Lyor’s mind was normally clear. He wouldn’t claim that he slept all that well, or that he wasn’t making problems for himself at times, and that the craving he had for the drugs that he couldn’t and shouldn’t still have made him feel like he was drowning, but he knew the people he loved.

“You have Nil with you.” Lyor replied simply, pulling Anila closer to give her a hug. He couldn’t believe how big she seemed to be getting when he couldn’t spend most of his time with her. He was also able to pick more of Kendra out of her features now, the big brown eyes were definitely more Kendra’s than Seth’s, and the curly hair that never seemed to behave. That just made him miss his girlfriend even more. “I miss her, I really want to see her, Seth.”

“She’s scared about hurting you again.” Seth said quietly and Lyor could understand that. Really Lyor didn’t know how he’d react if he saw her again but he wanted to try. He wanted to work through it. He wanted to have the woman he loved by his side too. “She doesn’t know how to deal with all of this, and I don’t blame her because if it was me I wouldn’t know either.”

“I hate that it’s come to this.” Lyor admitted and looked down, watching where Anila was playing with the shape on his blanket, muttering ‘ball’ over and over to herself. There was a moment of pride that she was able to say that and know that was one of the words for the circle shape. He wondered who had taught her that. Probably Kendra. Another stab of absence went through him and he hoped that she could hear what he was saying. “I love her I want her here too.”

“I’ll speak to her before we leave, see if she’ll come in a bit.” Seth agreed, then sat down in the chair next to the bed. Lyor was sure that right now Kendra would be annoying his nurses or doing something else that would lead to them wanting her off the ward before long, but he secretly hoped that she’d been listening to what he said to Seth.

“I guess for now my other favourite girl will have to do.”  He said, focusing on his daughter in his lap. It was easy to forget how hurt he was, how messed up his brain still was, when he was playing with the single best accomplishment in his life. Biology had nothing to do with it, but Anila was his daughter and he loved her more than he could have imagined, spending this time with her was the only thing that gave him a reason to wake up in a morning. He remembered what he thought was his last thought, that he wouldn’t see Anila growing up, and that was enough right now for him to keep pushing through.

They only ever got two hours. The two hours that kept him going. Just before the end of them tonight Seth stepped out and was followed a few minutes later by Kendra. Instantly Lyor felt lighter, she came in. “Kendra.” He said, then turned his attention back to Anila. “Look, momma came in too.”

“Hey babe.” Kendra smiled, it was a sweet smile that Lyor adored, but after just a second he had to look away. It didn’t matter to his mind that it was clearly Kendra. That it was clearly who he wanted to be there. Karen’s face still slid in front of hers. The voices, thankfully, weren’t at all similar. If he didn’t look at her and just focused on her voice he would be okay. “Seth said you wanted to see me. I miss you.”

“I… I miss you too.” He stammered and stuttered. He couldn’t even look at her for more than a second. Dammit. He’d wanted to be better than this. He wanted to see the woman he’d fallen in love with almost two years earlier. Not the woman who’d broken him three weeks earlier. In just three weeks he was a completely different person, and he couldn’t even look at someone he loved.

“This… this was a bad idea.” Kendra replied, clearly seeing his response and regretting letting Seth talk her into this. “I should have stayed outside. Come on, Nil.” She held her hands out, and unsurprisingly the baby went straight to her mother. It didn’t really matter what he or Seth did. Anila was always going to pick Kendra over them. At least at this age, and there was a sudden spike of fear that she wouldn’t let him see Anila again either. He had no legal standing to make her let him see her, and that fear was something he couldn’t shake.

“No, Ken. Please.” He almost begged, though he still couldn’t look at her for more than a second. He hated causing her this pain and he had sworn to himself that he wouldn’t let Karen steal his family from him, but it wasn’t working. Even after this time he still saw her face, it still haunted his nightmares.

“I can’t be here, Lee. Not when it’s clear it’s just causing you pain.” Kendra said and Lyor felt her pressing a kiss to his forehead, then she wrapped her arms around Anila and standing up again. “I love you and I just can’t do that. I’m sorry.” She muttered again then headed to the door before Lyor could say anything.

“Ken!” He shouted after her, but the only response was the door shutting, thought he heard the sob before it slammed clearly. Lyor’s desire to see her had of course ended up causing them both more pain than it had been when he hadn’t seen her. Maybe he should have left her, let her come back when she was ready.

“Let her go, man. I’ll talk to her tonight.” As always, Seth was the one to try and settle things. Lyor was also sure that he would talk to her as well. But how much longer would they both be able to cope with this. He couldn’t go home with them if he couldn’t look at Kendra, and he didn’t have anywhere else to go. “The hormones are making her a little crazier than usual.”

“Hormones?” That grabbed his attention quickly. Lyor hadn’t heard them use that particular word in connection with Kendra in a while. She was very careful not to blame things on her hormones, even after she’d had Anila she didn’t like to say it, but Seth did. At least, he had last time she was pregnant.

“Yeah… we weren’t going to tell you until you came home but…” Seth smiled wider and Lyor realised that his immediate suspicion was right. There was actually no news that could have been more welcome to him right now. They had all wanted another baby, and Lyor knew that Seth and Kendra had been trying their hardest to make that happen, but they had all thought it would take longer than this. “Ken’s pregnant, again. A little over 9 weeks now.”

“Wow.” He just said quietly then he leant over and pulled Seth to him, kissing him softly for a moment before just smirking. He knew that he hadn’t been that physically affectionate since he’d been back, but there seemed no better reason to kiss his boyfriend than learning that they were having a second baby. “We’re gonna be dads again.”

“Yes we are. Nil is gonna be a big sister.” That was another thing they had now, and given how spoilt Anila could be that was probably going to be hilarious. “Though that thought terrifies me.” Seth smirked then pulled back, grabbing his jacket as the bell rang along the ward.

“It’ll be perfect.” That was how he thought as he watched Seth leaving then the room was silent again. It never lasted long. The good feeling from his family visiting had been tempered by his reaction to Kendra and he’d needed to get out, he’d wrapped the jacket around his body and pushed himself up. He hated that he now knew where to go around the hospital for what he wanted. It hadn’t taken long for someone to tell him where he could score, and the joy of being on this kind of ward was that he could walk on and off as he pleased and nobody asked any questions. He had enough money to buy the painkillers he found he liked most, a few more than usual today, then he swallowed before heading back to his room. Just starting to sink into the bless oblivion he found comforting when he got back to his bed.

The silence was broken by a harsh laughter, Lyor bolted upright, the scar from his surgery reminding him that it wasn’t healed yet. He looked around the room for the sound, stumbling through to the bathroom and stopping as he saw the mirror, the figure on the other side laughing at him in that harsh, unforgiving laugh. “Get out.” He growled, trying to push away against the solid surface, which just brought another round of laughter.

“I can’t do that, I’m part of you.” The voice was mocking him and Lyor didn’t like it. It was his voice but it wasn’t. Maybe it was how everyone else heard him, maybe it was just the effect of the waves that seemed to be rippling through his mind. The voice was another reminder of his shattered thoughts.

“No, I have to try and prove I’m not crazy.” Wasn’t that the whole point of why he was still here. He needed to prove that he was going to be able to go home. He wanted to go home but he didn’t know what would happen if he did. Seth and Anila would be safe, but he didn’t know about Kendra and that was what was making him doubt himself.

“Do you feel crazy?” That mocking voice continued, pushing Lyor right to the edge of his mind. He wasn’t crazy but when he thought about Kendra and Karen and how he felt when he looked at her that was exactly how he felt. He wanted to hurt her, but he also didn’t. She wasn’t Karen, but his mind didn’t know how to separate them.

“My girlfriend’s face makes me want to kill her, so yeah. I feel pretty crazy.” Why was it easier to speak to his own reflection than it was to speak to the shrink that they made him see twice a day. Maybe it was because this was himself. Or at least… it was who he used to be. That was the man looking back at him. “Why do I sometimes want to kill my girlfriend?” He asked himself, and tilted his head as he had to answer it himself. “I was assaulted by someone who looks just like her. I love her but when I see her I’m back there.”

“You’re scared of her?” The mocking voice was back, clearly teasing him for being afraid of someone he loved. There were people who lived through that every day, he knew that, and he wasn’t one of them. It wasn’t Kendra he was afraid of.

“No.” It was the first solid answer he knew. He wasn’t scared of Kendra. But he was scared of what she represented, what she reminded him of. He was scared of the fact that just by being there she made him feel powerless and out of control. Especially when she was the first woman he’d ever known to respect him entirely. “Maybe a little. I’m not scared of Kendra. I’m scared of Karen.”

“Tell me a little about her. Kendra.” That seemed like an odd statement. Surely his past self knew what he thought about Kendra. He had always been the one that had held his emotions close to him. Kendra liked to let people know how she felt about them, but Lyor hadn’t ever been that good with words. “Past you wants to know what you still think about her.”

“Kendra?” He thought it over. Words seemed hardest again. How did someone explain their perfect partner. “She’s the sweetest person you could ever meet. She just wants the best for everyone.” That was why she’d walked out earlier, even though it had hurt his feelings she had probably thought that was for the best. “For me, for Seth, for our daughter. For our president and everyone else we work with.”

“But you associate her with the woman who changed me into you?” The person in the reflection stared back at Lyor, and he saw his past self. The younger man who had been sure of what he wanted in his life. Now he didn’t know if he wanted life. Anila, his family… they were who he was living for right now but was that enough. “You don’t see her as the woman you love.”

“Of course I do.” He tried to argue instantly, but the reflection wagged it’s finger at him. “I know Kendra, I love Kendra… but I keep seeing Karen.” That was the hardest thing to admit, and maybe it was fitting that he admitted it first to himself. “And now I think I’ve scared Kendra away forever.”

“I’m sure it’s not that serious.” At first Lyor thought his past self was mocking him, but the sincerity made him change his mind. But he knew that it was that serious. They both knew that she couldn’t wait forever. She and Seth had children. He was the third wheel. “She understands that it’s going to take time, she’s a good person.”

“She might be, but I don’t think I am anymore.” Lyor wasn’t sure he’d ever been a _good_ person but right now he didn’t even think that he was a person. He was just a broken mess of trouble that he didn’t know what to do with anymore. He pushed away from the bathroom, shutting the door so he couldn’t hear the voice again. He then went over to the drug locker in his room. He’d seen so many people input the code that he knew it, and when it opened he was greeted with exactly what he needed.

He greeted the darkness like an old friend, as he lost all conscious control over what he was doing. He didn’t expect to wake up again, he hoped he wouldn’t, and so there was an annoyance at himself when he was woken up by the angry and insistent voice of Kendra. “What the hell happened?”

“He got into the drug cabinet. We’re not sure how.” An apologetic doctor, would be Lyor’s guess. He wasn’t opening his eyes. He felt a soft hand on his cheek and forehead, and after a moment he recognised the feel of Seth’s hand. Of course, if Kendra was there Seth would be too. “He tried to slit his wrists too.”

“Upwards. He was serious.” Seth’s voice sounded broken, and Lyor hated that he was the cause of that. There was very little he didn’t hate right now. There was no reason that he should still be here. He didn’t remember slitting his wrists, but after he’d gotten into the drug cabinet everything went blurry again. Not that they had been particularly clear before that.

“I’m awake you know.” He mumbled, keeping his eyes closed but just wanting to let them know that he could hear them and that he wasn’t thinking that they should save him. They should have just let him go. Why did they have to keep bringing him back. “I can’t go on like this. You hate me and you’d both be better off without me.”

“What makes you think I hate you?” Kendra’s voice was the only thing to break through the sudden silence, and Lyor wondered what he’d been given that was making all this so easy. Whatever it was he decided that he liked it. It was certainly relaxing. He decided to even try opening his eyes, and he managed to look at her even without his glasses for more than three seconds without wanting to scream or attack her or cry. It felt wonderful.

“I can’t look at you without wanting to rip your face off, Ken. I’ve freaked out on you twice.” Brutal honesty, something that he’d always been told that he did too much. He didn’t mind that much though. It meant that everyone knew where they stood with him and they didn’t have to think about his ulterior motives.

“You’re calm now.” She said, and Lyor was about to say that it was the drugs. He was calm but even with this he felt the pain, the revulsion, the guilt and the shame bubbling beneath the surface. He just wasn’t able to let them take control.

“We gave him Haldol, he was hysterical when we found him.” The doctor explained again, clearly more than a little concerned what Kendra was going to do after this. Lyor wasn’t surprised, a pregnant lawyer who was pissed off at you wouldn’t be good. His concentration faded in and out of the conversation, but the next thing he heard was about why. “We couldn’t treat him without it.”

“Alright, that makes sense.” He then felt Kendra take his hand. Her skin was always so soft, her hands so gentle. Another thing that was so different from Karen. She had always been rough, heavy. He could focus on how her touch reminded him it was her. “Lee I don’t hate you, I couldn’t hate you. I love you and one way or another we will work this out.”

Lyor was still watching quietly as the doctor pulled Kendra away, Seth following them. They clearly thought they were talking quietly, but Lyor listened anyway.  “He’s a danger to himself, and without close supervision he’s a danger to you until he’s been through some intense therapy. We want to keep him on a hold.”

“You’re telling us because?” Seth’s reply was slightly defensive, as though he wanted to say that Lyor would be better at home. For once, Lyor would have to say that Seth was wrong. Lyor didn’t think that he’d be better anywhere. He would still probably try this again, because he really didn’t want to burden his family any more.

“Lyor is not considered competent to consent, and you’re his next of kin. You need to agree to it or we have to get a court order.” Lyor didn’t like the sound of that, but he wouldn’t agree to stay here himself and he had the feeling that Seth and Kendra wouldn’t let him leave.

“I do. Anything to make him better.” Kendra said then she came back over to him, she then kissed his forehead softly. He relished that touch, something that he could remember. “They’re going to help you, Lee.” She seemed confident, Lyor wasn’t. She and Seth spoke again, but Lyor stopped paying attention.

He didn’t know if anyone would listen to him, or if anyone would care either way but he didn’t want to think about them helping him. Letting go just seemed like it would be easier, and they could all move on with their lives without having to worry about you. “I’m beyond help. There’s nothing left here to save.”


	8. Investigations

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this chapter brings in the secondary plot of this fic, one that will be built up through future chapters.
> 
> Author's note: This chapter takes place exactly a month since the first chapter.

There were no words that struck fear into a man’s heart like the ones that Kendra greeted him with this morning. “We need to talk.” They were the words he hated, and after a month of them both running on empty neither of them really had the time to actually pretend that they weren’t bothered by something. The last two weeks had been easier, Lyor had been steadily improving, but that hadn’t meant that either of them were ready to relax, and the anxious part of Seth’s brain that took over was sure that this time would be the time Kendra said she was moving out.

“What did I do?” He asked, shaking his head a little as she grabbed his arm and pulled. He hadn’t actually been planning on seeing her, he needed to speak to the communications staff about leaked memos. Seth knew that leaks were part of the make-up of the White House, but these were starting to get petty and he wanted to try and deal with them. Clearly whatever Kendra needed was urgent, though.

“Professionally, Seth. Get in here.” He liked how she said that even though she was making it clear that she wasn’t going to let him get away. “Say hi to daddy, Nil.” He knew how serious this was when she went around the room making sure all the doors were shut. That generally meant something was going to happen that the wider White House couldn’t know about yet, but he would need to deal with the press.

“Ken, what’s going on?” He asked, picking up Anila as he stood beside her playpen, knowing that she would just get louder if she didn’t get that attention while he was in the room. She was far too used to being here in the White House, and he really needed to start pushing Kendra into considering a day care or nanny again soon. When Ken handed him a piece of paper he knew that this was much more than he’d been expecting.

“At the next briefing you’re going to be asked about an investigation into Emily by the Attorney General.” That was definitely not what he’d thought. Everyone on the White House staff had had questions about Emily’s behaviour over the last few years, but Seth had always been loyal to his friend. He’d never listened to the gossip, and he’d always pointedly walked out of the room when Lyor and Kendra had spoken about it. If the AG was investigating her, maybe they’d been right all along.

“Who’s going to be asking?” There were outlets he hoped it would be and outlets he really wanted it not to be, but more than that he wanted to know which of the reporters it was most likely to be. He didn’t think that it would be all that hard for him to guess though, there tended to only be two reporters right now who broke these things.

“I don’t know who has it, but given her history with you and the White House it’ll probably be…” Seth took a shot, he knew the likely culprits but there was one that always stood out, and who made themselves known when it came to what was happening in the press room. Seth hated reporters sometimes.

“Tiffany Gimble.” They finished together. Seth knew that there was no love lost between the two women, and that they had had words on more than one occasion over the year. Kendra at one time threatening to file papers on harassment. That was while she’d been pregnant though, and nobody had taken her seriously. Now Seth tried to keep them apart as much as he could. “What should I say?”

“That Counsel’s office is aware of it and will be working with Ms Rhodes and her _private_ counsel…. Yadda yadda yadda.” Seth knew the usual spiel past that. Though he did wonder why Kendra was stressing that Emily was going to have private counsel for this. He was sure that she’d explain, otherwise he was going to have to ask and that would probably end awkwardly for them both.

“No details?” That seemed like the safer question to ask, and would no doubt lead to an explanation of why Emily was going to need private counsel. At least in his mind it was a logical progression. He wasn’t exactly savvy to Kendra’s political life. Unlike many on the President’s staff he hadn’t gone to school to be a lawyer, he’d always wanted to be a speechwriter.

“Nope. I don’t even know the full list of investigative points, but I know the gist of it and that one of the first things investigated is a complaint I registered against her so I can imagine.” Seth cast his mind back to try and work out what Kendra could have possibly filed a complaint over, then realised that it was likely something that she’d never even mentioned to him, and they’d been through a lot together. Then a lightbulb switched on in his mind. Cornelius Moss.

“That why she needs private counsel?” He guessed, but there seemed like there would have to be more to it than an 20-month old complaint that as he recalled didn’t go anywhere. There could have been private consequences, but mostly Seth had realised the only lasting consequence had been Kendra’s discomfort working with Emily. Maybe that was the reason too, Kendra didn’t want to be Emily’s counsel.

Seth really only had theories, and both he and Kendra stopped a moment to let Anila put her thoughts into the conversation. “That’s right, and it also can’t be momma because this will directly affect the White House and I can’t do both, it would be a conflict of interest.” Kendra finished, pretending that that was exactly what their daughter had said.

“So not like when you sorted out that drug bust for me?” That had been the first time he had gotten to see Kendra in court, and she was incredible. He had been so proud of her that day and they’d only been on three dates, he’d already decided that he was going to marry her by then, though. That had taken a different direction, but he still had to admit that he wouldn’t have wanted anyone else on his side, even if Kendra’s fees were a little steep. “Also you are really expensive.”

“You got the friends and family rate. I billed out at two hundred fifty dollars an hour when I was in private practice.” She said that as she sat at her desk and Seth’s brain was momentarily blank. He’d known that Kendra had earned good money, and was considered one of the best lawyers of their generation. That was why she was working here. But he’d never considered that she commanded that much. Especially not for an hour’s work, and not five years ago before she started working for the Senate.

“That was five years ago!?” He exclaimed, loudly enough that it made Anila yelp her displeasure at the sudden change in noise level. He bounced her gently for a few moments, hoping beyond hope that she would settle again. It was only when she did that he looked back to Kendra to see the smirk on her face.

“I know. Imagine what I’m worth now?” That was exactly what Seth was not going to imagine, because he had a feeling that it would make him sick. For an average work week at that price she would have been earning half a million a year before taxes. That wouldn’t have counted the bonuses. Now he understood why her furniture had always been so much better than his. After a moment she shook her head and asked the question he’d known would come eventually. “How was Lyor yesterday?” They hadn’t seen each other long enough to talk the last couple of days, so this may have been their only chance.

“Better, the cravings seems to have broken so he’s settling down easier.” That was definitely a start. At the beginning with no access to the drugs the detox had been violent and Kendra had decided that until he was clean and the cravings had begun to subside they needed to keep Anila away. “It’s still early days. They have a trauma therapy group that has a few people in it from Iran and Syria who were tortured, and a former Gitmo detainee.” Seth had been worried at first when they told him about that, but apparently it was very successful for torture survivors. “He has people to talk to who understand. A few of them also had sexual violence as part of it.”

“I still can’t believe this. What are we going to for Christmas?” Thanksgiving had been a non-starter for them. They’d pretended it was just any other day. None of them had felt very thankful, so they’d come and manned the skeleton crew at the White House by choice, then Seth had had dinner with Lyor while Kendra had tried to convince Anila that food was something that went in the mouth, not on the floor.

“We’ll cross that bridge when we come to it.” He didn’t know, and right now there was more he wanted to worry about. “If he’s still calm tonight and hasn’t relapsed I’ll take Nil with me tomorrow. He misses her, I think she’s the only thing that keeps him focused.” He would make an argument for it, and he’d make sure they kept a nurse in the room while Anila was there, but Seth wanted to remind Lyor why he was doing this, and a visit from their daughter was just the ticket for that.

“Seth… he’s going to miss her birthday.” Kendra worried, and Seth knew why she was focusing on that. Neither of them could have imagined being apart this time a year ago, and the fact they were facing spending Christmas, their daughter’s birthday, apart was weighing on all of their minds. Seth thought about it more than he wanted to, but he knew that they would work something out between the three of them.

“He’s not going to miss her birthday, we’ll do something, okay?” He wanted them to be able to have a party, but he was thinking they’d have to be content to have dinner together in Lyor’s hospital room and open Anila’s presents with her there. Certainly not what they would have pictured, but Seth was sure that it would be great if they were all together.

“Okay.” She nodded, coming closer again and kissing him softly before taking Anila from him. For a second Seth really missed having that heavy weight on his hip, but he knew that they both had work to do and today it was easier for Kendra to have Anila with her, at least for now. “You should go, your briefing is due to start.”

“Can you pick me up after visiting?” He didn’t expect to see Kendra again between now and when he went to the hospital. If they needed to switch Anila between them he was sure that one of the interns in their offices would be playing babysitter for them. That tended to be how it went on busy days like this.

“I do every night.” She smiled, and Seth just tilted his head a little as if she’d forgotten just the night before. Why she hadn’t picked him up he didn’t remember, but she hadn’t. “Except last night.” She grinned, and Seth couldn’t resist pulling her close again and kissing her a few times, his hand on Anila’s back as he did. That was until she pulled back and laughed again. “Go!” It was so nice to hear her laughing.

The briefing was not as pleasant as the end of the conversation with his girlfriend, though it never was. So why he still compared them he didn’t know. He managed to get through all the business he had to, but the second that he opened it up for questions it went south. “Seth who is the new deputy chief of staff?”

“You may know him, Lyor Boone.” Seth answered this question every day. The President had no intention of naming a new deputy until Lyor said he wasn’t coming back, and he had had the support of the entire staff in that. Kendra had even pointed out that legally that was the correct position to be in. “Nice guy, unconventional choice to be sure but what the hey.”

“Seriously Seth, he’s going to be out of action for months and I got word of an investigation into Emily Rhodes by the Attorney General on counts of bribery, coercion and breaching national security.” As he and Kendra had predicted, Tiffany Gimble was of course the one with the scoop. Why did people leak to her? Seth would never understand that appeal.

“Counsel’s office is aware of the AG’s investigation and will be working with Ms Rhodes and her private counsel as the investigation progresses.” It was exactly what Kendra had told him to say, but he had to admit that now that he’d said it out loud it sounded like a standard canned response from the press secretary when something came up.

“Have you actually spoken to Kendra about this, Seth?” Seth didn’t catch who it was this time, but he had expected that question too. At least he could say he’d spoken to Kendra. He spoke to Kendra several times a day, unsurprisingly. On this kind of thing and many others, so if they asked for personal schedules that would show up.

“I have, as a matter of fact. She’s the one who told me that she’d be working with private counsel.” That was probably a little more than Kendra would have wanted him to say, but he couldn’t have left it without. Since they would all be working together it was easier if he remained uninformed until he had to know something. “I don’t have any further information on this at this time.”

“Is the White House trying to cover this up?” That was shouted from somewhere near the back, and Seth realised that it was Bill Jepson of the BBC. He was actually a little surprised that he had said anything, the foreign reporters tended to stay quiet, allowing domestic reporters the priority.  

“The investigation was only opened this morning, Bill. It takes me at least 24 hours to start a cover up.” Even as he said that, Seth could sense Kendra’s scream from the other side of the West Wing. He was going to be in trouble. There was a point where his terrible sense of humour just got him into trouble, this was one of them.

“Are you saying there would have been a cover up if the White House had been informed earlier?” Tiffany was the one to ask that, and he knew that she was purposefully misrepresenting it. That wasn’t going to stop Tiffany stirring the pot. Seth couldn’t really blame her for this though, he needed to control his smart ass comments sometimes.  

“No, no that’s not what I’m saying and more to the point you know that and you’re mischaracterising my joke.” The fight was futile, he could tell that already, but he wanted to try it. There had to have been a way to walk this back, but he had a feeling that this wasn’t one that would be forgotten.

“Do you think this is a joke, Seth?” Well this was going from bad to worse and he didn’t think there was going to be a way to dig himself out of the hole. Now he faced a problem that had troubled few Press Secretaries. Continue facing the press, or call it a day and go and face a pissed off Counsel who was also his girlfriend and pregnant. This was going to end badly for him either way. He tried another futile attempt to fix it before deciding that he’d rather just face Kendra’s anger.

Exactly as he’d imagined she was stood right outside the door when he stepped out. At least she’d brought Anila with her, so she wasn’t planning on murdering him immediately. “What were you thinking!?” She demanded in the voice that he was sure terrified most people when they heard it. It was the voice that implied murder was imminent.

“I… wasn’t thinking?” He was honest, it seemed better than pretending that he had thought it was some great way of creating more controversy. He had just thought that they would appreciate him trying to lighten the mood. “It was a joke Ken, in retrospect a stupid one but it was still a joke.”

“Here, you can look after her for the afternoon, I have even more damage control to do now _and_ I have to supervise my entire department figuring out what we can’t release under executive privilege or national security.” She unceremoniously handed Anila over to him and let out a frustrated scream as she started walking away before turning back to him. “I could kill you in your sleep Seth Wright.”

“I love you too.” He called back after her and then smiled, kissing Anila’s cheek and laughing. At least he knew that Kendra wasn’t likely to actually kill him, though he was mostly hoping that given that they had a daughter and another baby on the way. It was plain that she was actually mad, for once. “Momma’s really mad at me right now, isn’t she?”

“It was a stupid joke.” A voice came up from behind him, and Seth knew that it wasn’t necessarily supportive. Aaron had seemed to be scarce the last few weeks, and Seth had been wondering what he’d been working on there. It wasn’t his place to ask, but he was glad that his friend seemed to be back, just in time to watch his girlfriend threaten to murder him.

“Thanks, Aaron.” He sighed a little, turning toward his office and was even happier when Aaron fell into step beside him. It was clear that Anila was being fussy, probably because everyone was so busy all of a sudden, and Seth didn’t really know what he could do about that. Especially not while he tried to deal with the fallout of his stupid joke. “I see that now.”

“This is why we all tell you you’re not funny.” Aaron continued, and Seth scowled softly. It was  a frequent topic of conversation. Seth didn’t think that his humour was that bad, or unusual. He was just terrible at scripted jokes. He thought that he was hilarious, and there were plenty of people who laughed at him.

“Kendra thinks I’m funny.” He mumbled, turning a corner and trying to pretend that he was hating this. Really he thought that this was hilarious too. Maybe he did have a bit of a strange sense of humour. At least there was always one person he could depend on to laugh at all of his jokes, as long as he said them in the right voice. “So does Nil.”

“Nil is 11 months old and Kendra just threatened to kill you in your sleep.” Aaron said, pointing back in the direction Kendra had disappeared in. No doubt she was going to deal with Emily and the situation that Seth had inadvertently made worse, but he wasn’t actually all that worried about it. If she hadn’t threatened him he would have been more worried.

“That’s how she shows her… displeasure when I do something stupid.” Seth started to explain, it wasn’t the first time, but it was the first where it was about something professional and said while they were at work. Given everything that was going on in their life right now Seth just thought it was adorable. “She’s also stressed and preg- other things.”

“Were you just about to say pregnant? Is Kendra pregnant?” Aaron said excitedly as they stepped into Seth’s office and the one thing that he couldn’t do was lie to his friend. Clearly the silence was enough of an answer for Aaron to continue on. “That’s good work man, your first isn’t even a year old yet.”

Kendra really was going to kill him now. Other than the three of them, the President and Judith nobody knew about the baby and Kendra had wanted to keep it that way. “Shush, nobody’s supposed to know yet, she’s only 11 weeks. We’re telling everyone at Christmas.” Aaron smiled and put a finger to his lips, giving Seth option to ask what he wanted. “Haven’t seen you around much?”

“I’ve been avoiding the West Wing since, you know…” As Aaron spoke Seth set Anila on the floor, unlike in Kendra’s office he didn’t have a playpen, but he had babyproofed the office and he knew it was good to let her walk around now that she’d found her feet. He straightened up again, expecting Aaron to go on, but when he didn’t Seth realised he was still feeling guilty.

“It wasn’t your fault Lyor was kidnapped, Aaron.” He said softly. There was no way that anyone could or would blame him. “Nobody knew, John and Hannah didn’t even know and they were the ones tracking the threats. Nobody blames you.” It was something that he would repeat whenever Aaron needed to be reminded. They were interrupted by a yell from the floor and Anila making it clear that she wanted her favourite uncle to pick her up now. “And clearly she’s been missing her uncle Aaron.”

“I should have known, Seth. It’s my job to know.” The guilt was clearly not going to be something that Seth could help Aaron get over easily, but he was going to try as many times as he could. “How’s he doing?” Every time someone asked that Seth felt better about the answer.

“Better, they’ve gotten him clean and right now it seems like the cravings are slowly subsiding.” Seth knew that it wasn’t the end, and that there were still plenty of hurdles, but the biggest reason for all of them to get through was being held by Aaron at this moment. “He knows that Kendra won’t let him see Nil until he’s clean and I think right now that’s what’s giving him the most drive to get clean. I’m going to take her tomorrow if he’s still improving tonight.”

There was a lot that Seth wanted to talk to his friend about, but they’d been distant for a while and Seth really didn’t know how to open those floodgates again. Seth needed someone outside of his relationship, and that wasn’t always something easy to find right now. “Everything else?” Aaron asked, clearly noticing that Seth needed to talk. Maybe they weren’t as distant as Seth had worried.

“Probably as good as it can be. He wants Kendra to go to a therapy session so that they can talk and he can get used to being around her somewhere where they’ll both be safe.” This was something that Seth really wanted for Kendra to go and do, he was sure it was the only way they could move forward, but she wasn’t sure about it. She was scared. “She’s hesitant but I’m working on her. I need them to be able to work this out but there is absolutely nothing I can do.”

“Want me to help?” Aaron offered a second later, looking between Seth and Anila as he said it. It was a sweet offer, but at first Seth wasn’t sure that he could accept. Aaron didn’t know anything about their actual relationship, but he also wasn’t blind. He knew how close they all were. “Ken and I work together a lot, we’ve got a good rapport.”

“Someone else talking to her about it might help.” Seth just dropped to the chair and buried his head in his hands. Suddenly talking about it with someone else made him realise how tired he was. “I’m at my limit, Aaron. I don’t know how to do this. I need to be there for both of them and we have Nil to think about and then there is Judith and work and…”

“You feel like you can’t do everything.” Aaron finished his sentence, coming around the desk and putting a hand on his shoulder. “Kendra can do her own thing, she doesn’t need you to be there babysitting her even if she is getting sick from the pregnancy and you both need to start depending on the rest of us to help with this little one.” Aaron said, clearly meaning Anila. “Work is work, and you have deputies if you need them. You need to focus on Lyor, he’s the one that needs you most.”

“Speaking of helping, want to watch this one while I go grovel?” Seth thought that maybe he would feel better about this if at least he knew that Kendra wasn’t actually pissed at him. He wondered if that was playing on his mind a little too, making everything else seem like even more of an enormous issue.

“Not on your life, use the baby to your advantage.” That was actually good advice, Seth sat back and smiled as Aaron turned to put Anila in his lap. Seth wasn’t sure what he’d expected but this chat had definitely reminded him that he had other people that he could depend on. He didn’t need to only look at the people he was closest too. “I’ll see you later. Thanks.”

“Thank you.” Seth replied sincerely, they’d clearly both gotten something out of this, and right now Seth needed to think of a way to apologise to Kendra. “Uncle Aaron is not that helpful with you though his he. Let’s see what’s something nice we can do for momma, huh?” He wasn’t actually sure that the baby would be all that much help, but he was willing to see what she had to offer.


	9. Short

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Many thanks to [Hideous Sun Demon](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hideous_Sun_Demon/pseuds/Hideous_Sun_Demon) for some of the ideas used in this chapter.

Lyor knew that coming to visit him was hard for Kendra, but that didn’t stop him wanting her to be there. When she was there all he did was mumble and look at the floor, but he still wanted her to be there. He wanted to get over his reactions, and he thought that the only way he could do that was to keep seeing her. “Is Kendra here?” Seth was barely through the door when he asked that, but he didn’t want to keep pretending it felt okay when she wasn’t there.

“She is. How did therapy go with her yesterday?” Seth had no doubt heard Kendra’s side of it and Lyor knew that she wouldn’t have made it out to be any worse than it was. Of course, it had been bad enough without any embellishments. All it had done was make him realise that good intentions weren’t enough.

“I barely spoke. She tried to draw me out but whenever I looked up at her… Karen was right there, replacing her.” Lyor sounded bitter, and that was because he was. That evil woman had stolen something precious from him, and he would do anything he could to just start seeing Kendra again. “I want to see her though. Maybe seeing her more will… make it easier.”

“Alright, if you’re sure. I’ll go and get her. You good with keeping an eye on Nil?” The question didn’t really need to be asked. If there was one person that could make Lyor feel like he was in control it was their daughter. He knew that he couldn’t let the demons beat him when he had her in his lap.

“I’m always happy to have my little bumblebee.” He grinned,  taking the baby from Seth and holding her close. His happiness was just complete when she wrapped her arms around his neck and snuggled him softly. “Yeah. Papa will work this out. He’ll come home to you all.” He said quietly before he went to sit on the floor, the corner of his room that was always ready for when Anila came.

The games he played with her were simple, but she was such a clever baby that he found himself always being amazing when she picked up something new so quickly. Recently she just wanted to play with balls, and as he watched her pushing herself up and chasing the balls around the room he let himself just enjoy it. “Lyor.” He heard from the door and turned, steeling himself for what was to come.

“Ken…” That rush never came. Karen never came and he had to pause and realise that it was his girlfriend. She was really there and there was nothing that could change that. “Ken?” He jumped to his feet and walked over, lifting his hand to the short pixie-cut that she was now sporting. Her elbow-length hair gone. “You cut your hair?”

“I did. I cut my hair.” She confirmed then pulled him to her, wrapping him up in a way he hadn’t let her since he’d gotten back. He hadn’t let her anywhere near him, and he’d panicked when she had, but like this he didn’t mind. He could hold her close again and bury his head in her neck like he’d always used to.

“How did you…?” Until this moment Lyor hadn’t even realised himself that it was her hair. He only knew now that she had cut it all off, and that was something he never would have imagined her doing for anyone. She had always been so proud of her hair. He knew that she’d had it short before, when she was younger, but she had so loved her long hair.

“Yesterday in your session… you kept running your hand over your head whenever you looked at me.” She explained quietly, still holding him close as he kept his face buried in her neck. How he’d missed this. Seth gave amazing hugs, but there was something that was extra-comforting about the way that Kendra held him. “I guessed that maybe changing how I looked would help.”

“You shouldn’t… have had to do that for me.” He eventually said when he pulled back. He didn’t want to be the reason that she did things like that. How she had worked out something he didn’t even know made him realise how well she knew him, and how she would always put the people she loved first.

“Lee I love you, I would have shaved my whole head if that’s what you needed.” She smiled and laughed a little, kissing his hand as he placed it on her cheek. Lyor just couldn’t believe that she’d do this for him. “Please don’t make me shave my head.” She then added quietly and Lyor just snorted and shook his head. He wasn’t sure that she’d look that amazing bald.

“You…” He wanted to find the appropriate words. Wanted to tell her how this was the thing that may have changed his outlook, but he didn’t know how. There were so many things that he just didn’t know how to say it. “Ken you don’t look like her anymore.” He was going to leave it at that but he still just couldn’t believe the difference. “You don’t, you look like you.”

“I’m glad.” She smiled and kissed him softly again. Lyor felt a weight lifting from him that he hadn’t known was there. “I am going to grow it out, it’s not going to stay this short, but we’ll be doing it together. Hopefully that will help us both.” Alright, that made a lump grown in his stomach, but he realised that it would probably be years before that was a consideration, and he would be able to cope by then. Kendra would be there to help him and he’d be able to cope.

“I love you, Ken.” Lyor couldn’t stop himself saying it again and pulling her into him. He didn’t hug anyone other than his partners and his children, but right now he never wanted to let Kendra go. He just wanted for her to be there with him and now he didn’t see Karen, she was gone and maybe he could heal now.

“I know, babe.” She smiled softly, and Lyor realised that he was just repeating himself. It was such a relief, and he knew that now he could tell her anything and everything. He could let her knew that it wasn’t her fault that he’d reacted the way he had. “I have missed you so damn much.”

Seth came to join them then, Anila back on his hip eating something that Lyor thought she probably shouldn’t be. As long as she wasn’t going to choke on it Lyor would let it go. “You should have seen Emily’s reaction to the haircut this morning.” Seth laughed after a second, and Lyor had to admit that it would have been quite entertaining for him to have seen the breakdown that their slightly anal-retentive boss would have had at the fact one of her staff turned up with such a short haircut.

“Honestly, it was worth it just for that.” Kendra laughed, and that made Lyor feel a little bit better about it all. If she could laugh and make all these jokes then she really didn’t mind that she’d cut her hair off. For him. She loved him that much. “Also for Nil not pulling my hair every five minutes to get my attention. That’s going to be a big plus.”

“How do you feel about it?” Lyor smiled, turning to where Seth stood holding Anila. She seemed to be studying Kendra more than a little confused, and he guessed that for a baby, someone who smelled and sounded so much like your mother to suddenly look so different that it was a very big change.

“I’m still on the fence.” Seth said quietly, which led to Kendra turning and glaring at him with an open mouth. Clearly that had not been the answer that she’d been expecting him to give for that question. “What? You know I like playing with your hair.” Lyor even knew that. The number of mornings they’d woken up together and Seth had laid there running his fingers through Kendra’s hair.

“Mom is not going to be happy, but when I tell her I did it for you she’ll be calmer about it.” That also wasn’t a surprise, but Judith’s hair wasn’t exactly long, and he didn’t really think that she’d have a problem. “Nil has certainly had the most confused reaction. It’s like she thinks I’m an imposter.” Kendra grinned, reaching to take Anila off of Seth, and confirming what Lyor had suspected.

“She’ll get used to it, won’t you baby Bumblebee?” He smiled, kissing the top of Anila’s head. When she reached for him it almost hurt to step back, he wanted to be able to be home with her all the time, and whenever they all left he missed them even more than he had the night before. He had a feeling that would only get worse now Kendra could visit too. “Stay with momma, you gotta go home soon.”

“We’ll all get used to it.” She agreed, and Lyor couldn’t resist reaching our to touch her now very short hair once again. “I can come visit more, now… and the three of us together can start working things out for when you come home.” Those two words were his dream, going home, being with his family again, it all felt too good to be true. They said their goodbyes and Lyor watched them all leave again. There was no time of day he hated more.

The nights were the biggest challenge, Lyor still couldn’t face being in the dark. All the lights had to be on half, and he had to have some noise. He didn’t care what it was as long as it wasn’t ticking. So far they had found that ocean noises were the easiest for him to settle with. He never stayed settled though. The nightmares came thick and fast. Most times he’d bolt upright, drenched in sweat. Other times he’d scream, and he’d scream until they came to sedate him.

It was the nightmares that Lyor didn’t know how to control. The fear and the terror. Maybe it would be easier when he had people in the room with him at night. When he could hear Kendra’s mumbling, when he could feel Seth’s skin. Those things that would remind him he was with people who loved him. With people who would keep him safe.

During the day he could feel his old self coming back a little. The self that could use logic to make himself feel better. The one who saw Kendra’s new hairstyle and liked the way it softened her cheeks and made her look younger. The one who didn’t think about the horrors that he’d been faced with. The one who could hold his daughter and love everything that she was learning, how amazingly she was developing.

He hoped that Anila would never have to see him like this, and now they had another baby coming. One who would never know the old Lyor, but he had to make sure that he lived up to what they needed and what they deserved. He would never be who he was before, but maybe this new Lyor he was developing into would be good enough too.

Visiting time thought was his favourite time of day, and after a few days of his whole family visiting Lyor was surprised when Kendra came in alone. “No Seth today?” He didn’t need to ask about Anila, if Kendra hadn’t brought her there was a reason. She rarely went anywhere without their daughter, in fact for Lyor it was strange to see her without her.

“I’m not here just to visit. I kinda… have to do some professional things with you.” Well, that sounded slightly ominous. He was going to assume she meant her profession, as right now he didn’t have one. He would always be a politician, but he was on leave, and Lyor didn’t know himself when he’d be able to go back.

“Oh?” Kendra motioned over to the table in the corner of his room. He had to admit, it was a nice room, probably because of who he was and the fact that senior members of the White House staff visited him every day. Once she was at the table Kendra pulled out a stack of files and Lyor almost wanted to remind her that he wasn’t part of the White House staff anymore. He wasn’t supposed to see them.

“The Attorney General is running an investigation into Emily and I’m trying to assess White House exposure.” Emily was being investigated? For all of thirty seconds Lyor was surprised and then he realised it made sense. She had been making unconventional and strange decisions ever since the First Lady had died, and he was actually more shocked now that it had taken them until now to open it. “It has to be done.”

“To see how much you need to distance everyone to protect the President?” He finished, trying to show her that he understood. Once upon a time Emily had been his friend, the freshman political science major that Lyor had took under his wing. That wasn’t the person she was anymore. She hadn’t been that person in years.

“And to see if she needs to be removed before any further damage can be done.” Kendra added, and that made Lyor pause for a second. If Kendra was considering getting Emily removed, temporarily or permanently, that meant she thought that this was going to be something that Emily could be provably guilty for. There would need to be evidence.

So Lyor had to assume that the evidence existed somewhere. “Has he got it?” If he did then Lyor knew it was lights out on Emily’s political career. Nobody was going to hire a former White House Chief of Staff who was removed in a scandal and an AG investigation, especially an investigation that found her guilty. Kendra just paused in getting her files out and looked at him, as if not quite understanding the question. “The AG. Does he have the evidence?”

“Oh yeah he’s got it.” Well, that was definitive. At least Lyor wasn’t going to have to deal with suppositions here. “Between the investigation into Moss and everything that she’s done since… things that she’s admitted to on the record… He’s got it.” Lyor knew that ‘on the record’ here meant to Kendra. She wasn’t there to protect most of them unless they hired her, as Seth had years ago on his potential drug charge. She was hired to protect the President, and attorney-client privilege didn’t exist for her unless she was privately retained.

“Then politically she has to be fired.” Lyor didn’t like saying that, and he didn’t like that it was going to have to be that she was fired. Resigning in this would just reflect badly on the President and despite her faults Emily wanted to do that. She would let the President fire her, and Lyor actually wasn’t sure anyone would be sorry about it.

“Don’t we have to wait until the Grand Jury for that?” Kendra asked, and that question made him pause. Legally she would know better than him. He may have been to law school but it was deathly boring and he never actually sat the bar. “Politically speaking. Legally speaking the President can do whatever he wants but…”

Politics. The thing Lyor knew best and he would admit that this was making him feel more in control than he’d felt in weeks. “Politically speaking yeah, it would be _best_ to wait until charges are filed.” He wanted to emphasise that while it might be best, that didn’t necessarily mean it was right to wait. This was something that in the end only Kendra and the President could work out. “It can be seen as premature beforehand but she needs to be isolated.”

“Even if we know she’s guilty and the AG knows she’s guilty?” Kendra asked, and Lyor could understand that it was going to be hard for everyone to work for someone if they all knew that she was guilty and something of a lame duck. Maybe Kendra could keep it quiet until the Grand Jury was impanelled, but Lyor didn’t think so. Secrets didn’t keep in DC.

“Unfortunately. Politics is all about perception.” He explained. Despite now years on the President’s staff Kendra was still not a politician. She was selfless and honest and sometimes that frustrated Lyor more than he cared to admit. She just didn’t understand how something so obvious to her could be so complicated by politics. “That’s why you need to isolate her.”

“Couldn’t we use her previous leaks as justification?” Another good question, but given the only one they had actionable proof on was older than was generally considered valid it likely wouldn’t work, and Lyor could see the way that some people would try and spin it. Especially with the climate the way it was right now.

“It’s been almost 2 years since the Moss leak, it would either be seen, again, as premature of the President or worse.” Lyor knew that Kendra wasn’t going to like what he said next, and more than that he was sure that she would try and deny it if it ever came to it, which would unfortunately make her look guiltier. “It could be seen as you taking retribution.”

“For what!?” Kendra already had quite a high voice, but he was fairly sure that went high enough that it hurt the ears of dogs. Lyor winced a little which at least made Kendra sit back. “Sorry.” She mumbled after a few seconds and smiled.

“Perceived slights. Rumours in the press. It doesn’t matter they’d make it up.” Lyor knew that it wasn’t going to be easy for Kendra to take that either. She stood by all her principles and tended to think that everyone was good. It was her biggest flaw, that she just believed that everyone subscribed to the same principles that she did.

“So Emily is a sitting duck and we can do nothing while there is an investigation.” Kendra looked like she was about to sulk about it, which was not an unreasonable reaction. It always seemed like the good people were the ones who suffered the most when it came to situations like this. All Lyor could do was nod, because Kendra understood now and that was going to make it easier to see where she had to go with this. “I hate politics.”

“I hate the law so we’re even there.” He teased, hoping that she’d remember that joke. It seemed like a lot of his in-jokes with people were falling flat, but Kendra almost immediate broke into a grin and reached out to take his hand before she pulled back again. Her professional mask slipping back over her features.

“This is why I need you at work, I don’t have a clue about politics.” She smiled, but it was the professional smile. Not the sweet one that she’d had a second earlier. Lyor never realised how different they were until this very moment. He missed the personal one. “I know it’ll be a long time before you’re back but… you’re missed there.”

“I miss it too.” He never thought that he would admit that because work was the last thing he wanted to be trying to do right now. However much of a workaholic Lyor was, he wasn’t ever going to rush back to work after this. He wanted to get to know himself again but most of all he wanted time to work out his place in his family once more. “I’ll get back there one day, Ken. Just you wait.”  “Focusing on you, Seth, Nil and the new baby comes first.”

“I don’t doubt that you’ll be back at work when you’re ready.” She smiled, back to the personal smile that she reserved for just them. Lyor felt his own smile growing in return. “Home comes first.” She smiled then handed him a file, clearly still intending to go through it with him. Maybe it was for her own preparedness, but Lyor wasn’t going to complain. Anything that kept her here longer was good for him.

Talking about work actually made him feel normal. Made him feel as though he wasn’t something that his friends and family were treating differently. The fact Kendra had come to him, talked to him about the situation and gotten his statement meant a lot to him. Other than constantly being in the hospital the one thing that reminded him that he wasn’t himself anymore was that he wasn’t at work. Even though he missed it, he wasn’t sure he wanted to go back either. Not yet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In reference: For Kendra's hair think of Zoe's in the first season of NCIS: New Orleans.


	10. Hearings - Pt I

Kendra had only been a witness in an investigation once before. She was nearly always counsel for one side or the other. It felt strange to be sat there with her own lawyer sat beside her. He was pricey, but she had enough saved up from when she was in private practice for this, and he gave her a discounted rate too. As they all got situated Kendra had to suppress an urge to belch, covering her mouth softly as they began. “Investigation into White House Chief of Staff Emily Rhodes, continuing witness interviews. Interview begins, December 23rd 2019\. Witness - Ms Kendra Leanne Daynes, White House Counsel. Witness Counsel is Ethan West. How are you today, Ms Daynes?”

“A little nauseous, actually. Could I have some water and maybe a bucket.” There were chuckles around the table at that answer, but Kendra was actually serious. She didn’t need to turn to Ethan to know that he was giving her a look of mild concern. She had barely suffered from morning sickness at all, why did it have to show up at probably the actual worst possible moment.

“Are you sick?” The AG asked, looking at her with a similar level of concern. Those who had actually worked with her clearly realised how unlikely it was that we should make a joke at the start of a proceeding such as this one. Kendra didn’t like admitting that she wasn’t feeling well at the best of times, but something like this she would suffer through unless she legitimately thought that she couldn’t. As for being sick, well.

“Pregnant.” She ended up answering, not really wanting to lie and figuring that since these investigations were secret until a Grand Jury was empanelled she knew that it wasn’t going to be something that was announced prematurely, she and Seth were planning on releasing a statement to coincide with Anila’s birthday anyway. “I’ll be fine with some water. But I wasn’t kidding about the bucket.”

“Good. We can continue?” He asked as someone sent an intern to get the bucket and the water. She nodded, wanting to try and get it all over with as quickly as they could. There were almost 2 years of information to get through, and that was just since her complaint. “You filed a formal complaint against Ms Rhodes a little over 18-months ago, yes?”

“In March 2018, yes sir.” Filing the complaint had been something that she’d debated strongly, but in the end, it had been Lyor who convinced her that she needed to file it. Emily had undermined her, but her professionalism and conduct in danger and more than that made things a lot more difficult to deal with.

“What was that complaint in regards to?” Every question was straight and to the point, as a lawyer, Kendra had always appreciated those questions, but now she was a witness she understood better how intimidating they could be. It seemed like no matter the answer she wouldn’t get it right. She took a breath to steady herself and thought over the phrasing in her mind.

“Thank you.” She paused for a second to thank the intern who brought her water and a bucket. She then took a sip of the water which settled her stomach and made it a lot easier for her to answer the question that was being asked. “That complaint was in regards to Ms Rhodes leaking of classified evidence pertaining to the guilt of former President Cornelius Moss.”

“Ms Rhodes leaked this information to a reporter by the name of Simon Day, yes?” Another woman on the panel opposite her asked that question, and Kendra momentarily paused at the surprise of the change in speaker. It didn’t take long to regroup though.

“Yes ma’am, Simon Day from the San Francisco Chronicle.” She had refused to read the Chronicle from that day on. She knew it was stupid, but it made her feel a little bit better to feel as though she was punishing Simon Day without him knowing. There was nothing they could have legally done, and it was an anonymous email.

“How do you know it was Ms Rhodes?” Only three of them had known exactly what Moss had done, and the fact that Chuck wouldn’t have the same level of press access as Emily had told her it was probably Emily. In fact, to this day Kendra wasn’t exactly sure that Chuck knew that she’d been opposed to the action against Cornelius Moss.

So how she knew it was Emily had been simple, but there was a better reason. When Kendra had confronted Emily she had made emotionally manipulative excuses, but she’d never denied it. “Because she told me, sir.”

“This was over your objections in regards to appointing a special prosecutor to look into President Moss and his behaviour?” These questions were the ones that Kendra knew they were here to answer, that they needed to speak about, but she hadn’t wanted to answer them. A phrase from her law-school professor floated through her mind. Don’t be specific unless they ask for specifics.

“Yes.” She didn’t elaborate. She left it at that. There would be follow-ups, but they would be direct. Kendra knew that she was clean, that even if the investigation extended to cover the entire senior staff she knew the rest of them were above reproach. In fact, Kendra had worked to ensure that.

“Why did you have objections?” This was a question that Kendra was happier to answer because finally, she would be able to get it on the record that she was undermined. That she didn’t want for the Moss investigation to go the way that it did and she’d been trying to be cautious.

“The evidence was gathered illegally.” No elaboration still, figuring that that would bring about the next set of questions, for now, she would just stick to the truth and hope that that would be enough to ensure that nothing was actually going to be a problem for her. She was hoping so, anyway.

“By you?” Ouch. That was not where she’d expected the questioning to go. Of course, she hadn’t been involved in gathering the information. She hadn’t even known until Emily had brought it to her a few days later, and after the President had fired Moss. Something she also would have advised against if she’d been asked. She looked to Ethan momentarily and he just nodded. The truth was enough to clear her of this.

“No, sir. By Ms Rhodes, using an FBI Computer Tech who is assigned to the White House.” An entire day she spent in the interview, and after the recess, she was told she’d be recalled in the morning. She left Seth a text that she was too tired to drive home, the hearings going until after 9, and that she was going to use the room that had been set aside for her in the Residence. That was definitely one upside to your mother dating the President and practically moving into the White House, when her work overran she had somewhere to sleep. She hoped she’d pumped enough for Seth to make it through, especially given that Anila had had a bit of a cold. It was hard to fall asleep without them, but she was so tired she managed it.

Waking up she actually felt worse than she had the day before. She hadn’t really had all that much morning sickness with Anila, and she had a feeling that this one was partly because of her nerves around this case. She didn’t like feeling like she was ending someone’s career, yet that was exactly how all this felt. It wasn’t really her fault, Emily was the one who had done all of this. She ducked into the bathroom before the hearing began again and sighed. She looked like shit. “How are you feeling this morning?”

“Like I’m gonna throw up.” She said as she was looking in the mirror still, even the make-up she’d put on didn’t make her look less stressed and strung-out. Ethan West stepping into the bathroom didn’t even surprise her, somehow she was starting to remember to just expect weird things to happen when he was around.

“Nerves?” He asked gently, washing his hands for a reason that Kendra didn’t know. She decided after a second that she didn’t want to know either. It wasn’t worth it. Kendra still had to work with him through Seth and Lyor’s interview over the next few weeks. Then it was onto other members of the administration. She’d helped everyone find lawyers, but she didn’t have to be involved. She was going to stay involved with her family.

“Hormones.” She admitted, then turned and leant against the sink. There was no part of this that she didn’t hate. Everything seemed difficult right now, but mostly she had to admit that announcing her status to everyone before she’d even told her mother made her feel bad too. “I’m also guilty that I told a hearing full of lawyers that I was pregnant before my boss, most of my friends and my mother.”

“The hearings are closed, nobody is going to know about your pregnancy until after you’ve already told people.” That was true. There were already plans for that. Kendra was about to say something but darted into the stall and emptying what was left in her stomach. It wasn’t much. Mostly it was bile. “Do you need me to adjourn for today, it is Christmas Eve?”

“No. I’d rather get this over with before Christmas so I can focus on the boys afterwards.” She didn’t want to push Lyor back again either. It wasn’t going to help him if his routine kept being interrupted. She also felt like the faster this was all done with the faster it would be over with for Emily and she would know one way or another. “I hate knowing that someone is guilty, I feel like I’m hanging her out to dry.”

“She knew that privilege didn’t exist for you, Kendra,” Ethan reassured her. Kendra knew that, but it didn’t help her feel less responsible. Less like this was all her fault in one way or another. “You never misled her, you got her to hire her own counsel. You did what you were supposed to.”

“But my complaint about Moss is the starting point for all this.” She argued with herself, she knew that Ethan was right but her loyalty to her friends, her colleagues, it was making her question herself. Was she being too harsh on Emily because she’d made a few mistakes? Was she really guilty when her actions normally ended well?

“Did she break the law?” Ethan asked, clearly realising that Kendra was starting to falter. There was something in her that required her to have the facts in front of her. No frills, no spin, no bullshit. It was something that she’d appreciated whenever she’d crossed paths with Ethan West. He approached everything in much the same way. She didn’t need to answer his question, he already knew the answer. “Did she undermine you and ignore your advice to further her own ends?”

“She wanted to try and protect the President.” She played devil’s advocate, knowing it wasn’t going to work but that would be the way that Emily would spin it. It was how she’d tried to spin it at the time. Kendra would never forget feeling so guilty after those conversations even though she had known that Emily was the one in the wrong.

“That wasn’t the question.” Ethan scolded and Kendra felt like a first-year associate again. She remembered that lecture, about how you had to answer the question that was asked, not the question that you thought was asked. Ethan took another breath and watched her as she came back to the sinks before he restated the question. “Did she undermine you?”

“Yes.” There was a hint of bitterness in her voice she hadn’t been expecting, but it was there anyway. Emily had undermined her, for a time made her feel unwanted in her position and out of place on the staff. It had been a hard time, even though she’d been going home to Seth and Lyor almost every night, and she’d still felt uncomfortable for a time, though she had also found out she was pregnant in among it all. “You do realise that this is the ladies room, right?” She was really just fed up with this conversation and was hoping that would convince him to move.

“There are two agents outside making sure nobody comes in, it’s not my first rodeo.” Dammit. Did this man really think of everything, even when they weren’t in a courtroom? “Kendra, you are one of the greatest lawyers of your generation, you know that all you need to do is tell the truth. Emily made her own bed, now she has to lie in it.” Those were the words she needed to hear, but she hadn’t wanted to. After another moment he put his hand on her arm and smiled. “Ready?”

“I think so.” It took another full day. Going through everything Kendra had witnessed, everything she suspected, everything she and Emily had spoken about. She tried to stick to facts, but she knew that at times her own issues with Emily were coming forward. She didn’t think that there was going to be all that much left that she hadn’t spoken about when she left this room.

She was thankful when Ethan offered to drive her back to the White House, and she signed him in as her visitor. As soon as she saw Seth she smiled and dropped her head to his chest. “That was brutal.” She mumbled, the most that she could say about anything that happened in that room. Anila seemed happier to see her and patted her cheek to try and get her attention too. “Hi baby, you still feeling sick? Momma will make it all better.”

“How’d it go in there?” Seth asked and Kendra wondered what she could say. Seth was also a witness and she couldn’t say anything that would interfere with his testimony, but at the same time, she also didn’t want to lie to him about something that was so huge in both their lives right now.

“Seth, you know she can’t tell you until next week after you’ve had your turn.” Ethan ended up interrupting, stepping closer as he did. Kendra took Anila from Seth and just kissed the top of her head. “She’s a beautiful little girl, how old?” Ethan’s question reminded Kendra that a year earlier she had been screaming at her stomach that she was two weeks late now and could show up at any time.

“Almost one. Tomorrow, actually.” Kendra couldn’t believe it had already been a year since Anila had joined their ever-growing family, and it was still always nice when they got to show her off. “You gonna say hello, Nil?” She asked, ticking the toddler’s chin, causing Anila just to hide her face in Kendra’s neck. “Apparently not. Thanks for driving me.”

“Congratulations on having another baby, to the both of you.” Ethan had made sure there was nobody around as he said that, then turned and started walking away again. Kendra watched his retreating back and realised she wouldn’t see him again for a couple of days. She knew there was still something that she needed to ask, and so she decided she needed to go after him.

“Seth, can you give me a minute?” She said, handing Anila back to her father, clearly not what Anila had wanted but they would be home soon and at that point, she would be able to cuddle up with her baby all night. Right now Kendra needed to focus on what was happening, and the fact that Lyor might need her.

“Sure, I’ll go get madam in the car.” Seth kissed her softly and smiled as he pulled away to take Anila away. Kendra watched her fussing a little as they stepped away and she had to remind herself that it was only going to be for a few minutes.

“I’ll be there in five. Go with daddy baby girl.” She hoped that her words would convince Anila to behave better, but she knew that really it would just be better if she left Anila alone with her father and did what she needed. “Ethan.” She called as she turned away and ran after him. “Can I observe Lyor’s questioning on Thursday? I’ve already given my evidence but I…”

“Kendra, do you trust me?” Cutting her off with that question wasn’t what Kendra had pictured coming, but she knew that she needed to answer. Maybe it was part of the fact that he was still making her feel like she was a first-year associate that was making her feel like she had to just answer him.

“Against my better judgement.” That wasn’t necessarily true. She knew that Ethan was a good lawyer and that he cared about justice and the truth more than he cared about politics and optics. Maybe that was why Kendra was suspicious, even though it was probably the way that most people would have described her too.

“Then trust me to keep Lyor safe,” Ethan said quietly, and it was almost pleading with her to believe that he would be sensitive. She was too worried about the fact that something might affect him badly, and that neither she nor Seth could be there for him. “I’ve read his file, and if he allows me I’ll speak to his doctors. You can be in the hospital, but you can’t hear what he says.”

“What if something triggers an episode?” She had to ask it. She didn’t want for it to happen, she wanted Lyor to be able to cope with everything that was going on in their lives right now. But Kendra knew that wasn’t how it worked when they were recovering from something. She didn’t want to rush him either. “He’s still not right, Ethan. He needs support.”

“He’s halfway through his hold. He’s a smart guy.” That didn’t actually reassure Kendra at all. There were plenty of smart guys who didn’t know what they were doing and who couldn’t manage their own stress. In fact, part of that was why Lyor was in the hospital and why she cut so much of her hair off. “Trust me to keep him safe. That’s why you hired me.”

“Okay. But I can be in the hospital and you’ll call me if he needs me?” She needed to know that he would do that. Even if she couldn’t actually be there at least she would be nearby enough to help. Though she had a feeling that she might need to bring in a back-up for this. Whether she would be able to or not she didn’t know, but it might help.

“Yes.” Ethan agreed after a minute then went to carry on walking to his car. She stopped in her tracks though, realising that their conversation was probably done. After a few more steps he turned around and smiled back to her, shrugging a little as he did. “It’s nice you’re this protective of him.”

Protective was definitely one word for it, though Kendra couldn’t say if it was the most accurate. She was mostly terrified of losing him again. She had experienced how lonely her life could feel without him, even if she still had Seth and Anila, and she knew that she’d do anything in her power to keep him right where he was. “You do what you need to for family, right?”

“You can’t observe Seth’s next week either,” Ethan said over his shoulder as he walked away again. That was proof that absolutely all lawyers could see through that kind of a comment and just knew what people planned when they were trying to be nice.

“Dammit!” She laughed as it had felt like a nice try. Saying her goodbyes then jogging across the car park to catch up with her family was what she needed now. It was Christmas and Anila’s birthday and she knew that they needed to focus on those things, not on things with Emily that they couldn’t help, and certainly couldn’t change.


	11. Hearings pt II

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again, laziness and spoilers got in the way of me writing massively.

Christmas had been perfect, and celebrating Anila’s first birthday was exactly what Lyor had needed, but then the next day dawned and that meant all this. Lyor was not enjoying this inquisition. He knew that it was necessary and he couldn’t pretend that some of her behaviours hadn’t worried him, but he didn’t like having to answer the questions. Most of them had been about his working relationship with Emily, and so far he hadn’t really had to think about anything. A few times he’d been stopped by his lawyer, but mostly he’d just carried on. “You knew Ms Rhodes before you were employed on President Kirkman’s staff, correct?” Now they were getting into the more important questions.

“Yes. We went to college together.” It was a vague answer but it was also accurate. College had lasted almost ten years for Lyor, and Emily wasn’t the first that he’d gone to college with to serve in the White House. She also wasn’t the first to be investigated by that attorney general, but she did have the position of being the only one to do both.

“At the same time?” Sure, he was older than Emily, though not so much that it should be that surprising. Back then it had been easier for him. He was a nerdy TA and that gave him the opportunity to help the students more than he otherwise got to. It had also shown him that maybe he didn’t have an aptitude for teaching. Emily was one of the only students who had even seemed to get anything out of his classes.

“I was going my masters when she was a freshman. She was one of my students.” Why did it sound more sinister when he said it like that. It wasn’t sinister but he supposed that people could read into anything that anyone said. “We became friendly afterwards.” He felt the need to clarify that.

“She offered you a job when you were having difficulties?” Again, that made it sound more sinister than it was. They knew how much of an asset the other could be, so they’d helped each other out. Making contacts, teaching about what would and wouldn’t work in various situations. It had been a good give and take and Lyor didn’t regret the way that that relationship had evolved. At least, not until the last couple of years.

“We often found each other positions.” Was all he said before the tap on his hand from Ethan made him stop speaking. Lyor wasn’t sure why he was stopped, and his internal desire to fully answer the question almost made him wince, but after a second he understood. It was more than the question had wanted.

Lyor didn’t like it when they looked through the clipboards. It never used to bother him, but now it just made him feel like he was on display and being studied. He was sure that was probably how much time he’d spent locked in here, but he couldn’t suppress that feeling entirely. “Have you ever been involved in a personal relationship with Ms Rhodes?”

“You mean like… a couple?” The revulsion that shot through Lyor’s mind was little to do with the current situation and more to do with the fact that he had at one time thought of Emily as being like the little sister that his parents never gave him. He had to actually suppress a shudder. “No.”

“You were always just friends?” How was this even an avenue of questioning in a serious investigation? This seemed more like high-school gossip than something that he should be being questioned about. He looked to Ethan who had a similar look of confusion on his face but nodded a little, indicating that Lyor should answer.

“For a time, yes.” Lyor didn’t know about in the time since he’d come to the White House. In fact, working so closely together had driven a wedge in their friendship. Long before any of this had started. He’d found himself drawn more toward Kendra and Seth, while Emily didn’t seem to be drawn to anyone. They were still friendly, but he didn’t know if he could call them friends anymore. “Friendly, at least.”

“What were your observations of her relationships with other members of President Kirkman’s senior staff?” That was another strange question. How was Lyor supposed to know what her relationships with the others were like? He wasn’t exactly the most observant, and if someone didn’t tell him directly he knew nothing. Seth had never mentioned anything, nor had Aaron. Not that Aaron would have willingly opened up to Lyor anyway.

“She got on well with most.” That was the only answer he could give, and to the best of his knowledge, it was the truth. “She had issues with Ken- Kendra Daynes, White House Counsel, from time to time but it never got in the way of their professional relationship.” He knew that Kendra had reamed her out once, but that had never seemed to affect them all that badly. Kendra had shaken it off pretty quickly, and Emily had seemed to as well.

“Are you in a relationship with Ms Daynes?” Lyor stopped entirely at that and just stared for a second. He’d been afraid of this question but he didn’t think it would come up. He was sure that Kendra would have broken all the rules to tell him if it had come up during her questioning, just so that he’d know.

“Do we really need to ask about the nature of every relationship he has?” Ethan said before Lyor could voice his own complaint. He didn’t like these questions, and he definitely didn’t like feeling like he was the one being investigated, not Emily. How any of this was relevant to Emily he didn’t know.

“It goes to the validity of his observations. He lives with Kendra Daynes, the question is relevant.” The part of him that had been to law school wanted to argue with that but knew that he couldn’t. Not without sending it to the judge and that could take longer than Lyor wanted to wait.

Lyor wanted to curse when Ethan just sighed and nodded. He didn’t want to lie but he also couldn’t out their relationship. They should have spoken about this long ago. “I… No, no I’m not.” He settled on a white lie, protecting his family was more important than the semantics of what they called their relationships. “I live with her and her _partner_ , Seth Wright the Press Secretary. They are my closest friends.”

“Did Ms Daynes confide in you about her problems with Ms Rhodes?” Now, this was one where he knew that his answer would need to match up with Kendra’s, but he could answer honestly. The only one she’d ever mentioned had been the one that it seemed was the first of all the things being investigated here.

“Not really. Kendra rarely speaks about professional disagreements.” Kendra believed in settling her problems quietly. “She asked for my opinion about her options around the President Moss situation, and I encouraged her to lodge a formal complaint so as to cover her.” He felt himself starting to worry and when the door opened and a nurse came in with her little bottle of pills he realised why.

“Can we have a break, Miles?” Ethan asked, and Lyor hoped that everyone agreed. He needed a while for the meds to kick in again and let him stay in control. He didn’t know what he’d be like without the anti-anxiety stuff they were giving him, but he had a feeling that it wouldn’t be a pretty sight for those in the room.

“Sure. We’ll reconvene in thirty minutes.” The Attorney General stood up and headed out toward the door, motioning for the stenographer to go with him. “I’ll go get a coffee.” He proclaimed then headed off. Ethan went to the door and clearly checked that there was nobody outside the room then came back in and stood to the side.

“Speak, Lyor,” Ethan said, and while Lyor wanted too he was still worried that someone was listening, someone was going to make it harder for him to be honest about what it was that was causing him to hesitate. “It’s just the two of us, I made sure,” Ethan assured him, and Lyor had no reason not to trust him, not when Kendra trusted him enough to hire him to represent them all.

“I don’t want to get Kendra in trouble.” He said honestly, speaking as though he knew that he would. That people would know he’d lied. That people would be able to ruin their reputation. He didn’t believe it was true but there was always that chance, and that chance was more than Lyor really wanted to take.

“She’s not the focus of this inquiry, Lyor, and her actions and motivations in regards to Emily’s behaviour needs to be scrutinised too,” Ethan reassured him, and Lyor tried to take those words at face value. “You’re doing great, just keep being honest.” Honest. That was already well past what he was doing. But he’d keep trying.

The questioning resumed and the things that were bugging Lyor just kept building up, he didn’t realise what they were until he realised, and the moment he did he stood up and screamed at himself. How could he have been so stupid? How could he not have seen this? How did it take until this point for him to notice? “Can we get some help in here.” He heard shouted at one point, but he didn’t pay much attention until everything was quiet again, the screaming had stopped and there was a gentle hand on his shoulder.

“Lyor, hey calm down.” It was a familiar voice, but not one he expected. He’d thought that Kendra would be here, or that maybe she would have brought Judith, but he knew both of them well enough that he wouldn’t need to think about who it was touching him before looking up. It was hard to drag his eyes up to find out who it was, just in case it was Karen back to find him.

“Julie?” He asked when he recognised who it was, relaxing almost immediately. It wasn’t someone he needed to be afraid of, and it wasn’t someone who was going to cause him trouble if he spoke to her. In fact, they were still married, and he knew that she would invoke spousal privilege if he needed her too. That made him feel better, he could speak to her.

“Kendra called me, she said she and Seth couldn’t be here so I came.” That made sense and Lyor was once again grateful that he had so many good people in his life, even if right now it felt like the circle of people he should trust was shrinking by the day. “Don’t worry, everyone is gone, it’s just you and me.”

“Nobody watching?” He remembered how paranoid he felt earlier when he was talking to Ethan and given the awakening that had followed that he maybe shouldn’t have been surprised that they had left him alone with his wife. He took a few deep breaths and realised the reason he felt calmer now was they’d obviously given him a mild sedative. Something to help him take control again.

“No, Mr West said he was going to go and tell Kendra what was going on.” That meant that Kendra was somewhere nearby, and Lyor felt even more confident to speak to Julie. Kendra wouldn’t let anyone use it against him, or against her. “When you’ve calmed down they’ll come back.” Lyor nodded, and then just trailed off and thought, realising what it was that had started all of this.

“She manipulated us all, Julie.” He muttered quietly. Saying it made him feel more controlled, more like he could understand what was going through his mind. The more he said the more he could connect the dots. “Emily. She made us all do what she wanted and I never noticed. Everyone but Kendra.”

“What made you notice now?” Julie asked, not pressuring him to tell her but letting him know that she was listening. Lyor was grateful that Kendra had sent her in to him, it reminded him exactly how well she knew him and how much she probably wanted to be there with him right now herself. He took a few more breaths and focused on the question, wanting to say the answer for himself, if not for Julie.

“I was tortured and Karen… The woman who…” He couldn’t say it. He couldn’t tell her but he just left it, hoping that she would be able to work it out. He closed his eyes and tried not to think about it too much, focus on Emily, focus on the case. That was what he needed to do. “She did some of the same things Emily does.” It wasn’t easy to admit that. To say that his friend had done this without them noticing. “Made me feel like I was on the wrong side of something.”

“You trusted her, Lyor.” Julie tried to absolve him, and while Lyor appreciated that he didn’t want to let himself feel better. Feeling better about it could lead to it happening again, and he didn’t think that he could do that. Being so blind to the behaviour of someone else just because he believed the best in her.  

“I never should have” He really should have been more suspicious. Lyor didn’t believe that there was smoke without fire, and looking back over her behaviour he knew that this wasn’t a fishing expedition. Lyor knew Emily, he was sure that she’d had her own noble reasons for doing what she did, but that didn’t mean that it was right.

“You’ve known her for fifteen years.” Julie reminded him, and Lyor wanted to bite back that he didn’t need to be reminded of that. Truthfully though maybe he did. He certainly needed to think back over everything that was going on in his life and re-evaluate how important it was. “She wasn’t always like this, I’m sure.”

“I don’t know. I don’t remember.” He balled his fists up and pressed them to his forehead, scrunching his eyes closed as he tried to force himself to think back to when he first knew her. When had she changed into this person? When had he lost his friend? When had she decided that the ends justified the means? “I need to remember and I can’t.”

“Deep breaths, you’ll get through this.” Julie rubbed his back, staying calm and making sure that Lyor knew that he could be calm too. It was reassuring and comforting. “You have a bunch of people who really love you. I also met your daughter, she’s so smart.” Lyor couldn’t help but smile at the mention of Anila, no matter his mood, that little girl would always pick him up. “Don’t focus on the past when you have such a great future ahead of you.”

“How do you know?” Lyor didn’t know himself if he was ever going to be able to be normal again, and he didn’t know how he was going to feel in the morning, let alone forever. He didn’t know if he was going to have a future at all, at this rate.

“Because I know you, and I’ve met the people you have in your life.” Julie smiled and Lyor was so glad that she seemed to approve. It may have meant that the two of them didn’t see each other much, or at all, but he had really wanted for her to approve. “Emily is a footnote at best. Your family are the ones who matter now.” She smiled and patted his cheek. Lyor let her guide the conversation to other things that would entertain him and calm him, ready for going back into the fray.

Lyor found himself wishing for it to be done, he managed to stay calm through the rest of the questioning. He couldn’t stop thinking about Emily, but he knew he needed to focus on the questions and when everything was done he was grateful everyone left without fanfare, thought Ethan West stayed until the door opened again. “All done?” Kendra’s voice came, and Lyor still paused before looking up at her, even though the haircut had removed most of the associations in his mind.

“Yeah, you can come in and confer to your heart’s content,” Ethan said, heading toward the door himself and nodding slightly as he and Kendra swapped places. Anila perched on Kendra’s hip as always. Lyor was happy to see her, after today’s breakdown he was wanting to spend some time with their daughter, hoping she would help him feel better.

“Seth still can’t come, huh?” He asked, missing their boyfriend. He’d been able to come on Christmas, but that was it. They hadn’t been able to see each other since the announcements about the interviews had been given. Lyor wanted them to be over, and given they all worked together he didn’t understand why keeping them apart was necessary. Especially given Kendra and Seth lived together.

“He’s being seen on Tuesday. They set the next two days aside for Aaron. Might even be Wednesday.” That seemed like a very long time to go before they could all be together again, and it would be the New Year by then. Kendra handed Anila over to him and then just smiled. “He misses you.”

“Thank you, Ken.” He muttered after a few seconds of silence. He still felt shaky and spaced out, but it was easier to focus when he had Anila and Kendra there with him. He was sure that they weren’t going to always be able to rescue him, and that was why he was glad that Kendra had called Julie.

“What for, babe?” She asked, sitting on his bed and crossing her legs the same way she always did. He didn’t really understand how she found that to be such a comfortable position, but it seemed to be her default. As for why he was thanking her, it was for everything really. Though mostly it was for calling Julie. She had shown up at the exact right moment to calm him down.

“Being here, being you, always wanting the best for me and for everyone else.” Lyor knew that none of them told Kendra how much she meant to them. She always worked out what they needed even without anyone saying anything to her. It was a skill that Lyor admired but had never had himself. Today, he’d needed someone that wasn’t Kendra, and she’d known exactly the right person to call. “But especially for calling Julie.”

“I’m just glad she could be here.” She smiled an honest cheerful smile. “I know you still love her, and she still loves you.” Lyor honestly couldn’t be happier that Kendra and Julie had developed such a strong bond. Julie wasn’t all that interested in women, or he was sure there would be another dynamic of their group relationships they’d need to talk about. Lyor realised he was suspiciously unaffected by that thought.

“These relationships we all seem to have built up… it’s amazing that they all work out.” Lyor had never really thought of himself as monogamous, particularly, but until he’d actually begun dating Kendra he hadn’t known there was a word for what they were doing. He’d always assumed there were people who did this, but it being a community was something he hadn’t expected. He knew that Seth hadn’t either, they’d spoken about it together before.

Seth had been dating Kendra first, and Lyor knew it had been her idea to bring him in, explaining what polyamory was. Even 2 years on he still found himself amazed that there were three people who wanted to be in some form of relationship with him. “I don’t see there being anything wrong with there being more love in the world. That’s all we’re showing.” That was a really nice way about thinking about their relationship. “You, me, Seth, Julie… We all have too much love to just give to one person. I don’t think there is anything wrong with that.”

“I had to lie.” The conversation reminded him, and he dropped his head to his chin, just in time for Anila to smack him with her book. He smiled a little as he pretended to eat the book before looking back to Kendra. “I lied to the AG.” He knew that technically she needed to tell them, but he had a feeling that she wouldn’t.

“What?” She stopped pulling things out of her bag and looked at him as he said that. Lyor didn’t like that look on her face when it wasn’t aimed at him. It was actually even worse when it was aimed at him. This investigation was causing them both so many problems, this was just the latest one.

“They asked if we were in a relationship. You and me.” It had hurt to deny it because he wanted to be able to tell the world that he loved her, but in Washington, that would get them both more trouble than it was worth. It was better that she and Seth be the poster children.

“Well, to the outside world we aren’t…” She frowned just as much as he felt he was. Kissing Anila’s head reminded him that even if he didn’t have a biological claim to her, Anila was as much his daughter as Seth’s. That was the way the three of them were building their family. Kendra thought for a few moments then nodded, clearly coming to the decision in her mind. “Nobody needs to know.”

“How much did that hurt to say?” He joked, knowing that she wouldn’t have liked saying that. It was so against the person that she was, but Lyor couldn’t picture her saying anything else. It would have caused them both too much pain and they had to focus on everyone else. It wasn’t just on the two of them, but it was on Seth, and Anila, and the baby they hadn’t met yet. There was so much more than just the two of them in all of this.

“So much. But protecting what we have is important too.” Kendra grimaced again and Lyor didn’t blame her. For her entire life, she’d worked for the truth, it must kill her that they couldn’t do that here. “They’ll be done with us now, and I doubt you and Seth will be called again when it comes to the Grand Jury and the case. They’ll care more about me and Aaron for that.”

“How did you afford for Ethan West to represent all three of us?” It was a thought that he’d had ever since she told him that was who she’d hired. Ever since he’d been involved in an investigation of them all Kendra had shared clients with Ethan, he knew that. If she was approached by someone she would direct them through to him. She had come to trust him but that still didn’t explain this.

“I have plenty put away from when I was in private practice.” Lyor scowled a little at that. “He also gave me a deal on it. Play with Nil a bit, I’ll be right there.” She waved him to the play area that he liked to keep for when Anila visited. He was sure that she was calling Seth, and he also knew that he’d done the right thing telling her. Anything to protect what they had. That’s how he was going to take it, but it made him feel a little bitter. It felt like the investigation into Emily was as much an investigation into his family, and Lyor didn’t like feeling he needed to be on guard all the time, but he was.


	12. Hearings pt III

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry that updating is slow. I have an assignment deadline for uni so of course my muse went on holiday. I'm hoping to submit that today and then maybe tonight my muse will be more cooperative.

There were plenty of questions he hadn’t expected in this to turn to his relationship. He knew that Kendra was worried about some of the questions, the ones that seemed to be more focused on her relationships than on Emily. So far all Seth had been asked about had been Emily related, or at least, related to the conspiracy and bribery charges. “You’re Ms Daynes’ partner, correct?” He blinked in surprised, everyone in DC knew this.

“Yes.” He answered instantly. No matter Lyor’s position in their lives, he and Kendra were the public couple. They were the biological parents of their children and legally he knew that there was no way that there could be another way for all this to go. So it wasn’t exactly a lie, it just didn’t feel like the truth either.

“And Mr Boone just lives with you?” Kendra had given him a heads up about these questions because they needed to make sure all their answers matched up, but Seth already knew what he needed to say. He was going to cover for their relationship because they couldn’t let it get out. It did leave a bitter taste in the back of his throat though.

He stared straight at the AG and hoped that he seemed more confident than he actually felt. “Yes. He just lives with us.” God how that hurt. It hurt even more knowing that he was never going to be able to tell the whole world that he loved Lyor just as much as he loved Kendra. Sometimes that hurt but he accepted they needed this.

“How long have you and Ms Daynes been together?” Clearly, the AG decided to move on from whatever that line of questioning was going to be. Seth wasn’t sure that he was comfortable talking about his relationship like this, but he didn’t have a choice. Especially since they had started dating so soon after they first met.

Seth also had to work it out, which he was never going to admit to Kendra. He didn’t have the same head for numbers that she did, and she was really very good with dates while he had to count. “Almost two and a half years.” He settled on, October 2017 they started dating, it was January 2020 now. So it was close enough.

“And you already have a one-year-old, and another on the way, impressive.” It should have felt like a compliment but somehow Seth didn’t think it actually was a compliment. He was actually sure that it wasn’t. He knew that there were some sections, particularly in the conservative press, that weren’t especially thrilled at unmarried members of the White House senior staff having children, but he hadn’t thought that the AG was one of them.

“Stick to the questions, Miles.” Ethan interrupted, and Seth was thankful for that. He loved his daughter, she was the most important thing in his world, and it felt so out of place for her to be brought up so casually in this situation. “His children with Kendra Daynes is not relevant to the inquiry.”

“No, but his relationship is.” Was the rebuttal, but at least that meant that they would leave his children alone. Seth was fairly sure both he and Kendra could take anything thrown at them, but they would go to war to protect their children, even if it was against someone who was supposed to be on their side. “You and Ms Daynes confide in each other, correct?”

“From time to time. We’re careful about work topics.” Seth didn’t have to lie about that, they tried to avoid talking about work when they left the White House. They had plenty of other things they enjoyed talking about, music, tv shows, their family and outside friends. It wasn’t as thought work was all they had in common.

“How careful?” that was a straight up accusation and Seth didn’t like it. Whether the accusation was about him leaking something to Kendra or vice versa it didn’t matter. The implication was that they broke national security and that they did it casually.

“She knows my clearance level, I know hers.” He could hear the growl in his voice and he tried to calm himself. It wasn’t easy to push the protective instincts back down when all he could think about was how he wanted to make sure that his family were protected. “We don’t speak about anything that the other isn’t already privy too.” Kendra had Lyor to talk too when she needed to talk about things Seth couldn’t know, but they didn’t need to do it all that often.

“So you’ve never leaked information she’s given you?” There is was, trying to imply that Emily was innocent and secretly Seth or Kendra was the one leaking. He knew that this kind of investigation was actually to find the truth and that meant asking the uncomfortable question, but that didn’t mean that he had to like it.

“No, sir.” He answered with growing venom, he couldn’t help it. He wondered if the others had felt as accused when they’d been questioned. Seth didn’t leak information unless he was ordered to. “If I leak information, it’s a co-ordinated leak arranged by the President.” And that was the only person he’d leak for, too. He had to know it was what the president wanted.

“So you have leaked information in the past?” Seth winced at that question. It sounded so harsh when it was phrased like that, but he had. Sure, it was a leak in name only. Normally it was meticulously planned and authorised by the President and by Kendra. It was never just because he wanted to. There had been times he’d wanted to, too, but he never had.

“Only when authorised.” That was the closest to a confirmation he was willing to give right then, and he knew that he was going to have to explain it more. Even though he didn’t want to, it would at least inform why he would only do it when he was told. “It would undermine me and undermine everyone I work with if anything else were to happen.” It would also hurt the people he cared about most, but he wasn’t going to mention that.

“So in regards to the leak about Cornelius Moss in March 2018…” The questioning moved on, and mostly Seth was grateful that he’d managed to get through the blip about their relationships. As the hearing came to a close he was even more thankful that his family didn’t come up again. Being told that he was free to go was like a weight was lifted from him and he couldn’t help but grin.

He followed Ethan West out, and the twitchy little man may have been bizarre, but he was a brilliant lawyer and Seth was happy that he’d agreed to help them. “Thank you so much.” He said as soon as the door was shut, turning around and shaking his hand mostly out of relief. Maybe for them, this part was over.

“No problem, Seth,” Ethan replied, that peculiar half smirk that he liked to wear. “Tell that pretty girlfriend of yours that she still owes me dinner and that I’ll see her when we know about the Grand Jury.” That was something that Seth also didn’t want to think about, but he knew the Kendra was probably going to have too. That could still be a while away though.

“I will, I absolutely will.” The reminder of the Grand Jury made the lead balloon returned to his stomach. Lighter, but not entirely gone. There was still so many things that could go wrong for them because of this, and Seth wouldn’t pretend he wasn’t a little bit angry at Emily for her part in it all. Why had she done all these things? Conspiracy, bribery, conspiracy to commit treason, though Kendra told him the last was a stretch at best.

“Hey, look there’s your daddy.” The word daddy shook him from his thoughts and he looked up, seeing Aaron carrying a clearly very upset and fussy Anila. Seth had been planning to head up to Kendra’s office to see his girls, but he was guessing that if Aaron had Anila that Kendra had probably already been called into court.

“Hey, baby girl.” He smiled, and the second she saw him Anila almost threw herself out of Aaron’s arms. Anila liked to snuggle when she was sick, but only with her parents and especially with Lyor. With anyone else she was just fussy and trouble. “She been behaving for you?”

“Kendra had to go to court early and you were still in so I said I’d have her. She’s been a little fussy though.” So he was right, Kendra had had to go down and Aaron was almost as good as the President when it came to babysitting for them. Seth had to admit, it was lucky that their friends were willing to pick up the slack while the two of them dealt with their work too.

“Yeah, she’s had a cold since before Christmas. I think Kendra’s starting to get a little worried that she’s just not shifting it.” Seth said that Kendra was the one worrying but most of the time they both were, and he knew that she said it was him worrying. Anila was acting like her usual self though.

“My sister would have colds for weeks at this age. Nobody ever worried unless she started to seem less herself.” Aaron reassured him, and though Aaron didn’t have any kids of his own Seth knew he’d helped raise his siblings and probably had a better idea than almost anyone how to raise a child. “If Nil is still being Nil then she’s probably fine, and given that she’s always been a little clingy to you two and Lyor I’d guess that she’s fine.” Alright, he had to admit she was a little clingy at times.

“Hey I heard through the grapevine you were arranging a date with someone the other day.” Seth just wanted the conversation to move on a little, and he hoped for Aaron’s sake that the rumours were true. It had been a long time since he’d been on a date, and Seth couldn’t help but think that he deserved a good time.

“How does this building always know?” Aaron laughed, but there was a definite pink tinge to his cheeks as Seth started walking slowly through the building in the direction of his office. He normally went to Kendra’s, but since she was in court and Anila was being fussy he thought that maybe his office might be a better idea.

“We’re all secretly psychic.” He joked, knowing that that was something that was said of them all fairly often. Seth wished he was psychic. He would be able to know how everything was going to turn out and put all their minds at ease. Though, he also wanted to know who Aaron might be going on a date with. “So who was it?”

Aaron shook his head a little and frowned. “Can I keep that til I know where we’re going?” Alright, either Aaron was serious about this girl already, or he thought he could be serious about her. Seth didn’t think he’d ever seen Aaron so serious when thinking about a date.

“Sure man, I just hope it’s not Emily.” It was mostly a joke, though he did mean it too. It would make life even more difficult for Aaron, and that was the last thing he needed with this investigation still ongoing. Neither of them needed to be too close to Emily when the collateral damage started to become apparent.

“No, no that is long since been and gone. Good job too.” Aaron looked like he’d just taken a taste of something distasteful, and Seth understood how he felt in a way. He was thankful that he’d already begun dating Kendra by the time Emily had tried anything with him, his life would probably be very different if he hadn’t. “A lot of the questioning in my interview last week was about that, though.”

“You had a lucky escape from that bundle of crazy, I think.” Seth meant that too. Aaron and Emily seemed like a dramatic disaster in the making in his opinion. Emily was still one of Seth’s friends, but there was a wall that had built up between her and everyone else, and that had started long before the investigation had been announced.

“I wish I could say you’re wrong, but we both know you’re not.” Aaron chuckled and rolled his eyes softly. “You have Kendra, so we both know which of us won the co-worker dating game there.” Seth nodded, knowing that Kendra was a catch for anyone and if there was a game Seth was definitely the winner. “Kendra’s amazing, but she only ever had eyes for you.”

“You’ve all said that as long as we’ve been dating.” It wasn’t exactly true either, Seth knew that. He knew that she loved Lyor as much as she loved him and since he loved Lyor as much as he loved her it worked out perfectly. They couldn’t say that, and Seth would admit that before the start of that first December, those first few months it had been just the two of them, it had been amazing too.

“We were all there the first time you met. That was not a subtle meeting.” Aaron laughed, and Seth felt himself blushing. He didn’t even remember what he said, or if he’d said anything. He knew that he had started things off but that was as much as he could remember. “You two couldn’t keep your eyes off each other.” Alright, that bit he remembered. He’d just thought that she was the most beautiful person in the world, and it hadn’t been easy to not revel in that. “Her new hairstyle really suits her too, I like it short.”

“I’m still not sure about it, honestly.” He pulled his face and frowned. He knew that it was for a reason and that Lyor had needed her to do something drastic. Seth just missed her hair. “I mean I think she looks gorgeous, I always do, but I miss being able to lay in bed and play with her hair while she fell asleep.”

“That is the single most sappy thing I think you’ve ever said, Seth.” Aaron smiled and clapped a hand on his other shoulder. After a second they both smirked when Anila reached out and put her hand on top of Aaron’s. “God you two have it bad. No wonder you’re already having baby number two.”

“We want a big family. The bigger the better, really.” He kissed Anila’s cheek at that, though Anila decided that it would be much kinder to return that by blowing a raspberry instead. This was what he wanted, and he really hadn’t known it until he had it all in his hands. “I love her, man.”

“I can tell.” Aaron agreed, a soft, whimsical smile crossing his face as he stroked Anila’s cheek with his finger before smiling, pulling his finger away before Anila could either suck it or bite it. “Anyway, I should get back to doing some actual work. I promise I’ll tell you first if anything comes out of this date.” He grinned then turned away and headed back in the direction of the NSA office.

“Uncle Aaron having a date. He really needs to get better at it, doesn’t he?” It was nice to have someone who would always listen, even if she had no idea what he was saying. “You’re going to want little cousins to play with soon, not just brothers and sisters. There will be plenty of them too though if your momma has her way.” Trying to focus on that instead of the investigation or Lyor’s hold or anything else going on was what got Seth through the next few hours.

He even managed to keep Anila entertained with her toys while he did his work, but he could tell that she was starting to get tired. He picked her up and found a book cuddling her in his lap and reading to her until she was asleep. Normally he’d lay her in the stroller that was in the corner of his office and go back to work but today he just wanted to sit and cuddle with her for a while. She looked so peaceful when she slept, and he still couldn’t believe that he was partly responsible for her existence. “You look good with her.” He heard from the door and he put his finger to his lips but smiled.

“I’d hope so, I’ve had a year to get good at this.” He couldn’t resist looking down at his sleeping toddler while he spoke. It was still amazing to him that they were here, not just one but a second on the way. “You know, until I met Kendra I’d never really thought about having kids.” He really hadn’t, they’d been a passing thought and nothing more. He had always wanted to be a father, but he’d wanted to work for the President more and that was where he’d been three years ago. “I always knew I wanted them but I also wanted all this and… well working here was more important. Then Kendra came along and showed me that we could do both if we had enough love in us.”

“It’s really obvious how well you two go together.” Emily smiled, still speaking quietly so as not to wake Anila, who was crashed out on Seth’s chest. He knew she wouldn’t be asleep very much longer anyway. He did actually have to do some work. “I heard about your second baby, congratulations.” Emily had been one of the few who hadn’t been at their Christmas announcement, and they hadn’t really been alone with her in the two weeks since then.

“Thanks.” He smiled and looked at Anila again, once again almost unable to believe this was all real. “Having a family like this, people I love and children I adore… It’s not something I ever thought would happen.” Every day he was more and more thankful that he met Kendra and Lyor. “What about you? Having all these babies around made you think about having one?”

“No, I’ve always said I’m going to be child-free and I’m sticking to it.” She chuckled a little, and Seth felt Anila stir a little at that, when he looked down again he was met by the big brown eyes that Anila had definitely inherited from her mother. Those eyes could get people to do whatever she wanted, also just like her mother.

“So no cousins from Emily then, Nil.” He said quietly to her as she started waking up, being rewarded for that with a burp right in his face. “Oh, thank you for that. You really are your momma’s daughter.” Kendra often started the day by doing something similar, not that he would ever admit to saying that where someone else could hear it. Once he’d sat Anila up, letting her come around slowly he looked up at Emily and frowned. He could feel the tension. “Em… I know it can’t be easy for you with this investigation…”

“No, not really. I mean, at least I can talk to you still.” She sounded a little bitter about that, but Seth didn’t really blame their friends. Everyone was hurt and everyone was suffering, all for reasons that Emily had so far kept to herself. “Aaron practically runs to the nearest exit when I enter a room and Kendra’s… well, she’s probably the person my behaviour hurt the most so I don’t blame her for being mad at me.”

He shook his head a little because while he knew that Kendra was mad at Emily, that wasn’t why she was distant. “She’s scared, Em. She knows that this investigation is as much into how she handled all of this as it is into her. We have a baby already and another on the way and Lyor in a psych ward, we can’t afford to lose her salary too.” He was scared of it all too.

“That’s not really a possibility, is it?” She asked and Seth narrowed his eyes when she did. If she really thought that it wasn’t possible that the White House Counsel might be in trouble for withholding evidence maybe there was more to the thoughts that she’d never been fit for the position than he’d believed.

“She seems to think it is... if the hearings reveal that she should have done more to control you or advised an investigation into you earlier.” He explained, bouncing Anila a little as she looked around, he was well aware of how Anila woke up, and he was sure that she would go exploring in a moment. That still gave him time to finish explaining. “She tried to protect you some and now she’s worried it’ll come back to bite her on the ass.”

“I never asked her to do that.” There was a look of regret on Emily’s face, and truthfully Seth was surprised to see it. Despite everything that had been going on she hadn’t exactly been showing all that much remorse or regret through this so far. Clearly hearing how her behaviour was affecting them all was more than she’d expected.

“You didn’t need to ask her, Em. She’s your lawyer, she’s all our lawyer. Her instinct is to protect us.” It had almost gotten Kendra into trouble before too, but she nearly always ended up pulling it back. He felt Anila slide from his knee and start moving slowly around the table. He watched her in the corner of his eye as he finished his conversation. “Lyor and Ethan both seem to think that she should be clear, but she’s going to be afraid until she’s clear.” At that second he had to reach out and pull an old toy out of Anila’s hands. “Nil get that out of your mouth.”

“I should leave you to being a dad,” Emily said before he could go back to their conversation. Seth could tell that Anila had woken up in a mischievous mood, and he was going to have to find a way to entertain her, but he didn’t know how to tell Emily he appreciated her leaving. “It was good to talk to you, Seth.”

“Anytime, Em.” He smiled and watched her out the door before his eyes fell back to Anila and he jumped up to pull the pen out of her mouth. He needed to take a leaf out of Kendra’s book and get a playpen for her in here. His office was not as toddler proof as it had been baby proof. Now that she was able to walk everything was much more difficult. Seth looked up again thinking about the conversation with Emily, and he hoped that maybe she would think about how to make sure that this didn’t hurt any of them any further. Especially her.


	13. Homecoming

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The last few chapters are really hard to get through, so I'm sorry if updates are a little more sporadic. Also, with this chapter I finished this April's Camp NaNo.

Lyor hated his doctors by now. He hated almost everyone at this time of day though. This was the time of day when his cravings were at their worst, right between his other drug doses. He could push them down, but they still put him in a bad mood. It had only been 2 months he shouldn’t expect too much and yet, he did. “Hello Lyor, how are you feeling today?” The doctor asked as he picked up the chart from by the door. The answer was the same almost every day, Lyor really didn’t understand why the question still needed to be asked.

“Good, bored.” That was always his answer. It had been since his second week. He knew that then he wouldn’t have been able to cope with the outside world back then, but now that was all he wanted. To be at home with his family. It was coming closer, he knew that, but it wasn’t close enough. He thought he could cope now. “I want to get out of here.”

“I know you do, but we still have 28 days left on your hold.” There it was, the fact that he hated more than any other. He didn’t actually have a choice about being here and 8 weeks ago that had been a sensible idea. Now it was beginning to feel almost as unbearable as the four days he’d spent locked away in that commune.

“Four weeks!” He yelled and stalked off around the room. Sure, acting like this wasn’t going to convince anyone that he was emotionally stable, but he didn’t care at this exact moment. This could all only help so much. “I’m not having any of the problems I was having when I was put on the hold.”

“But you’re still having nightmares and flashbacks and these irritable spells.” The doctor was very calm when it came to explaining. He didn’t need to be so nice, and Lyor was sure that it wasn’t the easiest thing to keep having to repeat. Especially when Lyor could never actually remember his name. That possibly annoyed him more than anything. At least he knew the names of everyone at home. “We need to be sure that you can manage your recovery.”

“I just want to go home.” He felt himself sagging with those words. No matter how stressed he felt, no matter how much he wanted to be anywhere but here, he knew that some of it was him building up being home so much because it would be different from here, but one step closer to normalcy. One step closer to being the man he used to be.

“I know, and we can start arranging with your housemates for overnight visits home, providing they are there.” That stopped Lyor in his tracks. He’d been complaining about not being able to go home and then here they were, saying that maybe he could. That was more than he’d expected, but the days here were starting to drag on, and he felt like he’d missed enough of Anila’s life by now.

“Kendra and Seth can agree to that?” He asked, his voice almost a full octave higher than where he normally expected it to be. He wasn’t the type who would get emotional about small things, but the idea of going home even for one night was enough to make him feel like he was going to weep. Maybe his emotions weren’t as stable as he liked to believe, but he wasn’t going to pass this up.

“We’re happy to start it, one night a week until you’re discharged will help your re-entry when you can go home.” The doctor stopped and looked up from the notes he’d been writing before smiling. He was sure that they all knew Seth and Kendra were more than just roommates to him, but they took their oaths seriously. “You have made remarkable progress, Lyor.”

“It’s just the nights.” He admitted quietly. This was the time to be honest, he knew that. The idea of going home was going to sustain him but he was suddenly afraid. The nights were so daunting when he was alone, would it be any better when he knew Kendra and Seth were across the hall. Would he feel safer knowing that he could go and lay with them when he was afraid? He didn’t know, and it was the nights where he knew that he wasn’t who he used to be. “The nights I can’t forget.”

“We’ll keep working on that.” It was soft, gentle reassurance and Lyor knew that that was what Kendra would have said too. She believed that they could all work everything out if they were supportive enough. “Talk to Seth and Kendra when they visit, see if they’ll be able to arrange a full night each week.” That seemed specific, and Lyor didn’t know what to think. Did they both need to be home for it to work, because that could be difficult?

“Both of them?” His voice was still higher than usual and he really didn’t like that. He wanted to be able to pretend that there was nothing potentially wrong there but his voice was betraying how nervous he actually was. He knew how intense working at the White House could be, and he knew that Seth and Kendra both needed to work more with him not being able to.

“At least one of them at all times. It would be better if it’s both.” That was something that they could maybe manage. At least if they spoke to Emily and arranged it. Lyor hoped they would be able to do it. Getting home was the only thing keeping him going, his family the only things making him remember that he had anything to live for at all.

“I’ll talk to them. Anything that could get me home faster.” He mumbled, answering the rest of the questions quietly. He was starting to get exhausted and he wanted to lie down for a little before he knew Seth and Kendra would arrive. He knew they were both coming tonight, they’d told him that much, and he couldn’t wait. Especially assuming they would bring Anila with them. Seeing all of them was the high point of his day.

He managed to get an hour’s nap in, which made him feel refreshed and also more in control. The nervousness and fear that he’d been haunted with earlier suddenly gone. Seeing his family right there reminded him what it was that he was waiting for, and why asking for them to help him arrange going home was so important. He waited until he had played a little with Anila before he looked up from where he was sat on the floor and smiled at them both. “I need to talk to you both.”

“Is everything alright?” Kendra asked, her face instantly transforming into a mask of worry and fear. Lyor was suddenly sorry about the way he’d phrased his initial comment, especially when Seth moved over to her and they spoke in unison. “What’s happened?” They sounded so afraid that he had to put a hand up and shake his head.

“Nothing, they just think that I am ready now to start working toward discharge, and If you two would be okay with it… I can come home one night a week.” He got it all out in one breath and he didn’t know how else he was going to be able to say it. There were too many other things swirling around his mind and he was worried about how they would react. What if they turned him down?

“Wait, really?” Seth stopped fiddling with Kendra’s sleeve, something that Lyor was always amused by. Whenever he was nervous and the two of them were together, Seth would worry with Kendra’s sleeve, even when they were in meetings. It was probably the biggest tell of Seth’s feelings about something. At least he could reassure the people he loved.

“Something about it helping when I’m ready for discharge.” And that day was getting closer and closer every day. He couldn’t wait for it. There wasn’t much he had to look forward to in this place, and so getting his life back on track and feeling like he was back to normal would help with his recovery.

He watched his partners sharing a look, clearly trying to work out when they’d best be able to fit it in so that he could come home. Seth especially was making the look that he made when he was thinking. “That’ll be amazing.” He muttered quietly then tilted his head and looked to Kendra. “Thursday nights maybe. Fridays are normally trash day.”

“Court rarely sits early on Friday morning and I’m sure we could have senior staff pushed back a little for us.” Kendra was as decisive as she always appeared. That was something that never seemed to change and he was feeling that he knew it was going to be her choice when he came home more than anyone else’s.

“Do you want to ask Emily… I will alright.” Lyor missed that instantaneous exchange and had to admit that there was something about it that made him worry that there was more going on than he knew about. Especially at the glare Kendra was still giving Seth. “Don’t give me that look you’d have told me off if I’d assumed.”

“I have other reasons to tell you off right now Seth Wright.” She mumbled and now Lyor knew that there was something going on. It wasn’t like her to be so annoyed, or even angry, with Seth. Especially not when Anila was around. They tended to put on a united front even around him, he had never actually known them to have an argument.

“Hey what did I do!?” The question seemed like he had no idea why she’d be mad at him, and Lyor was watching Kendra who didn’t speak, didn’t move a single muscle, just continued that dead-eyed stare at Seth until Lyor heard him sigh. Lyor suddenly remembered how much he hated being in the line of that glare too. “Oh yeah. I did that. What else did I do?”

“Anyone want to fill me in?” He narrowed his eyes, wanting to know what was going on if only because it seemed to be much more serious than their usual disagreements. Or at least, Kendra was much more annoyed than she usually was when it came to Seth. Generally, he seemed to be impervious to her annoyance.

“Oh, Seth just undermined one of my proposals in the Oval today despite mine being exactly what the President needed to hear.” Kendra was still glaring at him, and Lyor was not all that surprised to see Seth starting to squirm a little. Lyor would have been squirming after this long too.

“God, you guys need me back.” He commented shaking his head. Somehow he had always pictured that without him the White House was falling to pieces and when Seth or Kendra spoke about them coping they were lying. This fed into his belief that even if it was misplaced he wanted to keep up with it.

“No!” That was instant and in complete unison, so much so that he was a little taken aback by the strength of it. Lyor hadn’t expected them to approve of the idea that he was going back to work eventually, but he hadn’t expected the reaction to be quite so united. Especially not when they were clearly in the midst of some sort of personal issue themselves.

“Not until we know you can handle it,” Seth said once they had both looked to him, Kendra’s glare finally broken. Lyor was sure that Seth was thankful for that. Lyor definitely would be if it was him that had been subjected to the glare for quite such a sustained time. It was actually quite nice to know that he wasn’t the only one that got that when he did something that Kendra didn’t like.

“We love you, that’s why we have to be assholes about this.” Kendra smiled putting her hand on his shoulder and making a face at Nil, who was in the process of pushing a crayon as far up her nose as she could. Maybe they had been too focused on each other for a little too long. Lyor went to pull it out and try to explain that that was probably a bad idea. Probably. Lyor got to enjoy spending some time with his daughter, and he let Seth and Kendra do whatever they needed to do. He was leaving it all up to them.

Then he was told that the next day his first night home would happen. He was a little shocked that they had managed to arrange it for that Thursday but he wasn’t going to complain. All day from when he woke up he found himself counting down the hours until someone came to pick him up. He had just assumed that it would be Kendra, though he was never sure. He was actually surprised when the last person he had ever expected to be tasked with picking him up was the one there. “What are you doing here?”

“Kendra asked me to pick you up. She didn’t think you’d be comfortable with Emily.” Well, Kendra wasn’t wrong he wouldn’t have been comfortable with Emily, but he wasn’t really sure how much more comfortable he would be with Aaron. Not for the same reasons, but just because the two of them had never really got past thinking of each other as rivals.

“What’s she doing?” He was a little suspicious that she wasn’t here to take him home, it made him think that there was more to this than any of them was going to admit to. He couldn’t actually imagine that she’d still be in court, especially not if Aaron was here and not with her. More than half of her cases required him to be there too.

“Something.” He answered noncommittally, and that was when Lyor knew that his first instinct was correct and that he should be suspicious. Knowing Kendra and the type of person he was there were three guesses what could be happening, but he was already fairly sure which one it was going to be.

“There’s a party isn’t there?” Lyor knew Kendra would want to mark this, and no matter what Seth would have said she would have gone along with it. They had precious little to celebrate these days, so it was utterly unsurprising that Kendra had grabbed hold of a reason to throw a party with both hands and would no doubt want to celebrate with the people they got along with.

“Yup, but I didn’t tell you. She’d have my head if she thought you knew.” That was likely not an overstatement either. Lyor had never been a fan of parties, even when he was a kid he’d never wanted a party, he’d wanted to be with the other children he actually liked somewhere like a museum. That was what he’d enjoyed. As an adult, his tastes stayed the same.

“I can pretend that.” There was no point him getting Aaron in trouble just because he had let the party slip. Kendra might love them but Lyor didn’t. She probably knew that he was going to be a gloomy guts no matter what happened, so that wouldn’t be a surprise to her, or to anyone who actually knew him, really. “I hate parties.”

“I don’t think it’s so much for you as it is for everyone else.” Aaron was probably right, in fact, that had been his first thought. That wasn’t going to stop him hating it though. He was always going to hate things like this. Maybe it wouldn’t be as bad as he was imagining. “She’s only invited senior staff, though I think Emily declined.”

“You know you’re probably going to be reinstated as chief of staff.” Lyor saw an opening to jump on the topic that he could talk about with Aaron and then he knew that he was going to be able to say something nice. Or… well, kind of nice. Lyor actually didn’t think there was anyone else in the administration who could take over from Emily when she was inevitably forced to step down. There would be a push for someone outside the administration, but Lyor didn’t think that was the right choice. Hiring from within made sense.

“What makes you think that?” Aaron asked, and Lyor narrowed his eyes for a moment. He had assumed that Aaron knew that he was the favourite to replace Emily but maybe he actually didn’t. Maybe he thought that his prior time in the position had made him an unlikely choice. It had, but that didn’t mean he was the wrong choice. Lyor might have been crazy for a while, but he still knew politics.

“It’s what I’d recommend.” He said honestly, and he probably still would end up recommending it, even if it was through Seth or Kendra. He was officially on leave and Lyor didn’t see the President asking him his opinion until he knew that it wasn’t going to set him back. “You can be as dumb as a box of rocks and you’re boring… but you’re a good chief of staff, better even than you are a good NSA.”

“I’m not sure if that’s a compliment,” Aaron said uncertainly. Lyor just shrugged a little, not actually caring what Aaron thought about his opinion. It was the truth and that was something that nobody could argue with. “Actually, from you, that’s definitely a compliment, I’m not sure you even say nice things about Seth and Kendra.”

“I say nice things about Kendra.” He didn’t always say nice things about Seth though, he’d admit to that. It was harder with Kendra because she was just so nice all the damn time. Lyor was thinking what to say next when the door opened and his doctor came through. Still, Lyor had no idea of his name.

“Doc, am I alright to take him, I have a notarised letter from Kendra Daynes.” Aaron held out the letter that Lyor hadn’t even realised he was holding and just watched as the doctor read it, clearly recognising that it actually did give Aaron permission to take him home. That was Lyor’s hope, at least.

“I’ll need to check your ID.” Was the first response, and Aaron held out both his White House ID and his driver’s licence then watched as the doctor nodded and motioned to the door before looking to Lyor. “Alright, great. We’ll see you in the morning. Remember call us if you need anything or if you feel overwhelmed.”

“I will do.” He nodded, then fell into step behind Aaron, leaving the room for the first time in more than 2 months. He slowed a little as they walked through the hospital, just taking in all the people around him, and then once they reached the outside he stopped for a full minute, turning his face toward the weak January sun. It may not have been much, but it was enough to remind him that he had a place to go. Once he had adjusted again he nodded to Aaron and followed him to the car, sliding into the passenger seat. “You know I hate parties, right.”

“You may have mentioned it.” Aaron laughed as he got in too, focusing on the car as he set off, driving them out of the grounds and taking Lyor away from his recent safety net. He was focusing on the fact he was with someone who would keep him safe, going to be with people who would keep him safe. He didn’t need to be afraid. “Just smile and pretend that you’ve been reprogrammed with some human interactions.”

“Did you just imply I was a robot?” Lyor was trying to be offended but he didn’t think that he was actually pulling it off. Being a robot would be kind of cool, and would have actually been something that made high school a lot easier for him to get through. The implication of being a robot, therefore, was not as bad as he’d first taken it.

They were silent the rest of the journey, Lyor just taking everything in. It felt so different to be outside but at the same time, he had been waiting for this. By the time they arrived the party was clearly in full swing, and even Anila was getting in on it. Lyor managed to plaster on a smile and interact, but most of it he ended up standing in a corner and just watching Kendra. He was happy when Seth came over and stood with him. “Ken looks happy.”

“She has you home, people to entertain and the morning sickness seems to have given her a pass today.” Seth listed off the reasons for Kendra to be as happy as she clearly was, and Lyor was happy about that. She didn’t always have the best experience when she was pregnant with Anila. “Yesterday I woke up to her sitting on the bathroom floor looking miserable.”

“At least it’s not as bad as it was with Nil,” Lyor commented, and even though he knew that this was all fine, and focusing on watching the people he knew was calming, he was still not really sure how he felt. He wanted for it to just be the four of them now.

“Yeah, she’s already at 15 weeks and we haven’t had to take her to the ER for the vomiting.”  “We’re both really happy you’re home even if it’s only one night.” Seth was clearly able to see how he was feeling and was trying to get him to focus on other things, Lyor was thankful and he wanted to try and focus on the fact he was home.

“I’m hoping that this will show me if I’m ready to come home for good.” A deep breath, steadying himself, remembering that these were the people who worked to get him back, and who had kept him safe. The people who wanted for him to all be okay.

“Ken straightened your room up but left it how you like it, even though it drives her mad. She hates the way you organise.” Seth kept speaking quietly, bringing Lyor’s attention back to the present. To the fact that he was home, that he was going to be with people he loved.  “We didn’t want to assume you’d be back with us your first night home.” That panicked him a little, but as Seth’s words settled in he took another deep breath and calmed.

“I don’t know when I’ll be able to do that again.” He admitted quietly. That was the only thing about coming home that didn’t feel quite right. He wouldn’t be able to share the bed with the people he loved. He knew that he was far too far away from being ready to do that.

“That’s fine, babe,” Seth replied, even quieter than they’d already been speaking. “We love you and we’re here at your pace.” Lyor saw why he was speaking quietly, and as they stood there Lyor looked around again and felt the room closing in on him. He really needed to be alone. “We should probably talk to some other people though.”

“I’m actually starting to feel like it’s all a bit too much. I’m just going to go to my room and take some breaths.” He didn’t say anything more, didn’t run, but he did slowly slip around the edge of the room and to the door that he knew most people would never go behind. This was his private sanctuary, and even though they rented the apartment he knew that Seth and Kendra rarely came in here.

He had no idea how long he’d been alone when he heard the door open. He was sat on the edge of the bed and he didn’t look up from his hands. He could tell from the smell that came in that it was Kendra. Vanilla and tea tree. She always used the same shower gel. “I left it how you like.”

“Seth said.” He said quietly, still looking at his hands. There were marks there that he hadn’t noticed in the hospital. Maybe because he hadn’t looked at himself in a venue that he was intimately familiar with. He didn’t think that he was going to be able to look at the rest of himself just yet. It was a stark reminder of everything that he’d been through.

“I didn’t actually think people would still be here when you arrived, everyone is leaving now. Seth’s claimed that we need quiet for Nil.” Kendra was still sat beside him, but she was making sure that she wasn’t touching him. She was a little more aware of his personal space issues than Seth, and he knew that she wouldn’t push until he asked for her. “Aaron told me you endorsed him for chief of staff.”

“You wouldn’t?” Lyor asked, the politics talk enough to tear his attention from his hands to look at his girlfriend. He was reminded how good Kendra could be at distracting the people she loved. “Emily’s good but she’s made rookie mistakes and she’s… Young. Once I thought that was maybe a good thing but now…”

“Now you’re realising that she’s made the mistakes of youth,” Kendra said quietly, something Lyor knew that she’d been saying for years. They both fell silent again. “She’s going to prison, you know?” It was such a casual thing that Lyor looked at her again, and Kendra was just staring at a fixed point on the wall opposite them. “I spoke to a few clerks I know and they are going to push for the maximum when she’s found guilty, and she will be.”

“There hasn’t even been a grand jury yet,” Lyor replied, he wasn’t sure that Kendra could know any of it until then, but he had no reason not to believe her. He had no reason not to think that she was telling the truth, and he had been suspicious about Emily’s fate for a few days. “What does that mean for the rest of us?”

“You, Seth, Aaron… nothing really. Maybe giving evidence again but they might just use your statements. Well, you and Seth.” That was both a relief and a bigger worry for him. There was something Kendra wasn’t saying, and maybe it was because it hadn’t been appropriate before. “Aaron and I will have to testify again and more likely than not I’m going to be pulled before the bar.”

“Why?” He demanded, jumping to his feet and starting to pace around the room. Kendra stayed sat on the bed staring at the wall, she didn’t even seem to be affected at all by his sudden movement. How was she so calm when she’d just told him that. “Why didn’t you tell me any of this before?”

“You weren’t exactly in a place I felt free to speak.” She said quietly, and Lyor instantly understood. There was too much chance her fears could be overheard. “I also didn’t want to worry you while you needed to be focusing on yourself. Seth and I could handle it.” That was something obvious, but now he was back here and he didn’t know why she was telling him. “Now you’re home you’re going to realise we’re cutting back on almost everything in case I’m disbarred.”

“Is that even a possibility?” He hadn’t known that any of it was this bad. If he had known that it was this serious he would have fought to come home. He would have focused more. He would have done something to help put his family at ease. This wasn’t something that he could just pretend wasn’t happening now, but clearly, Kendra hadn’t initially wanted to tell him.

“Unfortunately, yes.” She said quietly, the look on her face one of pure despondency. Lyor wanted to try and comfort her, but he didn’t have any idea how he could do that. He didn’t know if any of them would be able to get through that without major changes. Clearly, Kendra had thought of all that too. “I have no idea what I’d do and we have a second baby on the way but… we’ll work it out. The three of us.”

“I told Seth nothing could come back on you. I didn’t realise it had gotten this bad.” Lyor felt even more guilty for that reassurance that he gave Seth. It didn’t matter that he hadn’t known what was going on, and it didn’t matter that things always changed quickly when the law was involved, all that mattered was that he’d said that it would all be fine and Lyor was going to keep hoping that it would be. He didn’t want for the universe to make him a liar.

“Nobody did.” She mumbled, a little pink tinge of regret or embarrassment colouring her cheeks and making her seem a little more flushed than he was used to her being. “Don’t worry though, we’ll work it out. We always do, together.” Kendra sounded confident of that, and Lyor took a deep breath then reached out to take her hand before pulling her into his arms and holding her closely. That unique smell of hers managing to comfort him and make him feel safe even though everything was falling apart.


	14. Supports

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this took so long but the last two episodes and the spoilers just... threw me for a loop and my muse is already on the next fic in this series. But there are only 2 more chapters to go here! I have reduced the chapter number to 17 for the simple reason that part of the story will be better in the next story.

Kendra was so fed up of these hearings now. It had been more than 2 months since they’d begun and they still hadn’t finished. She had expected this to all be over by now but it wasn’t. She was getting so tired of it all. As she sat next to the President through his hearing, knowing that she’d need to pass this over to someone else when it went to trial, but for now she was here and telling Miles that there were things that he isn’t going to answer. That wasn’t stopping the attorney general from pushing his question. “He’s not answering that, Miles. Move on.”

“Executive privilege doesn’t apply here, Kendra.” The President had already waved that, but that wasn’t what was bothering her about this. There were questions about what happened in security situations though, and Kendra was not going to let him answer that no matter whether executive privilege applied or not.

“No, but national security concerns do. He’s not answering and you’d do best to move on.” She wasn’t actually going to walk out, but given that some people had thought that she was too impulsive since getting pregnant again she was going to allow them to think that she would. She knew that Miles Ashton just needed to be stared down.

“Alright, fine.” He said eventually, and Kendra nodded, looking down at her paper where she’d mostly been doodling. She was glad that she worked for the President because he wouldn’t comment about the fact she never seemed to make actual notes. “We’ll go back to the beginning then, shall we? To when you were first appointed as HUD Secretary.”

“The President isn’t under investigation here, Miles.” She argued back, they hadn’t prepared for questions about before the Presidency, and so she was worried. Mostly though she was worried because she didn’t know anything about it herself so she had no idea what was going to come up.

“No, but Emily Rhodes is and she began working for the President almost immediately following his appointment to HUD.” She couldn’t argue with that, he’d proven relevancy. She looked sideways to the President and saw the worried glance he gave her back. “So we go back, how did you come across Ms Rhodes?”

“I was new to DC, I’d never planned for a career in Politics but as my wi- Alex told me at the time it wasn’t an opportunity that everyone got, so I accepted.” Kendra smiled a little as he caught himself with that. She didn’t know what was going on with him and her mother, but it seemed like it was serious. “I put out feelers for a staff, I’d obviously staffed my firms before but this was a lot more difficult.”

“Ms Rhodes applied as chief of staff?” Miles asked, and Kendra frowned a little. When the President had been appointed Emily had been twenty-six, if she’d applied as chief of staff she would have been extremely young for it.

“No, my first chief of staff was Bethan Callahan, she was with us for a year at HUD before family problems required her back in New York.” All of a sudden Kendra let out a breath she didn’t know she was holding, but she was relieved that Emily hadn’t been hired as chief of staff. Though that brought up another question in Kendra’s mind, she’d never been the first choice for the position that she held.

“The same Bethan Callahan who’s chief of staff for Secretary Wheeler?” Miles’ question brought her back to the present and she frowned a little more. Someone else who was going to be dragged into this. “I’ll have to add her to our witness list for historical comparisons.” It was a comment to his assistant, but it didn’t help settle Kendra’s nerves. “What did you hire Ms Rhodes as originally?”

“She was the congressional liaison. When Beth went back to New York I promoted her to Chief of Staff.” The President explained and Kendra went back to listening, only interjecting when she needed. For the first day, it could have been a lot more painful than it was, but it seemed like Miles really was sticking to only looking into Emily’s past. He could have made it much more difficult for the President, but he didn’t.

Walking out gave them both a chance to breathe, and she followed him to his private study just off of the Oval and sitting down when he motioned to the sofa. She wasn’t sure that she could sit down again, but her hips were thankful for the seat. Everything seemed slightly more uncomfortable this pregnancy. “How do you think that went?”

“For the first day? Well. I’m not surprised he focused on before the White House but I’m realising that we should have prepared for it.” Kendra could have written any questions she had on her notepad, but really she hadn’t actually needed to. The President had managed to stay on topic well. She knew that he was going to wonder why he was focusing on that, but it was a simple answer so she gave it before he could ask. “He’s trying to pinpoint where Emily’s behaviour began and I realised while we were in there that I don’t know enough to guess where he’d go next.” She looked up just in time to see Aaron stood in the Oval gesturing through the open door to get her attention. “I think Aaron wants you, sir.” She said quietly, pointing behind the President to where Aaron still stood.

“Thank you, Kendra. We’ll talk later about HUD.” He assured her then hurried off to deal with Aaron. Kendra couldn’t actually be upset about the interruption as she needed a break from work, she needed some time where she didn’t have to be a lawyer. Where she could just be a mom and think about her family rather than her work.

She hoped that it meant she was done and could go collect her toddler and just relax until she went home. She headed in the direction of Seth’s office, hoping that Anila had had her nap. She was almost there when she heard the shout from behind her. “Ken!”

“Trey, how are you doing?” She smiled as he fell into step beside her. Thankfully not slowing her pace down at all. She was glad for that as she really didn’t want to stop moving now that she was going. Sometimes that was the harder part of any point where she needed to move. If she was having this many problems at 16 weeks she didn’t want to imagine at 36. Though the doctor had told her that the baby was in a different position this time, maybe it would all settle in time.

“Good, good.” It didn’t sound genuine, but Kendra could understand why. Given everything they had going on at the moment, she was fairly sure that Trey was worried about his big brother. “How’s he doing?” Trey confirmed her suspicion a minute later. Kendra knew that he truly cared about Tom and that this was his way of showing it.

“He did well in his first day of the hearing but…” She shrugged a little as they got to the corridor to where her family were and she looked to Trey a little apologetically. “Hang on a second, I need to get the baby.” She smiled and looked around the door of Seth’s office, picking Anila out of the playpen the other side of the door and waving at Seth who was on the phone. Kendra was glad that he didn’t question it, but he rarely did. She just liked having Anila with her when she wasn’t in meetings.

“Hey Nila,” Trey said with a smile, stroking Anila’s cheek as they started walking, until a second later where the toddler lunged out of Kendra’s arms to Trey. “Oh, you want your uncle Trey, huh?” He said, having fast enough hands to catch her rather than leaving Kendra to struggle to keep hold. “I can’t believe how big she’s getting.”

“I know, it’s crazy, right? 13-months already.” Yeah, she had to stop thinking about that. It didn’t feel like she truly had a toddler yet. It was going to be easier to freak Trey out, and she was uniquely suited to do that sometimes. “Does it weird you out that we’re the same age but if my mom marries your brother I’m technically going to be your niece.”

“It didn’t but now it does. Thank you, Kendra.” Trey rolled his eyes and Kendra realised he was starting to become immune to her attempts at bothering him. She was going to have to try harder because she didn’t want to have to admit defeat. “Can we talk about my brother now?”

“I can’t give you details you know that.” She said as she led him into her office. Once again she wanted to try and stay standing but it was going to feel so much better to sit down again and she was too fed up to admit to that. But since Trey was holding Anila she didn’t have to do anything and sitting down would make her look less concerned than she felt.

“I don’t want details, I don’t really care about them. I do care about Tom though, and it’d be nice if I could take some of the pressure off of your mom for cheering him up.” Alright, that did it. She did want for her mother to have someone that she could share the stress of caring for the President with. It wasn’t easy for either of them, but at least they could both help that way.

“He’s blaming himself. He thinks that if he hadn’t promoted her she wouldn’t have cracked.” That was her read on the way that he was acting. She didn’t blame him for that either because if she was in his position she’d probably be thinking the same thing. Kendra also knew, though, that it wasn’t his fault.

Trey nodded as he took that in, getting the same far-away look that Tom got when he was thinking. Kendra set up the files on her desk so she could look through them when Trey left but kept an eye on him as he processed what she was saying. “What do you think?” Came the eventual question, and a loaded one at that. Did Kendra’s thoughts really matter all that much?

“I think that Emily made bad choices and it was nobody’s fault but her own.” She was sure that there was more to it than that, and that Emily would find ways to defend what she did. Ultimately, though, she was an adult and she made that decision. “I think she would have found a way to do it regardless of her position, whether she’d been promoted or not.” There was plenty of damage Emily could have done regardless of her position.

“Tom’s always had a habit of blaming himself for what other people decide to do,” Trey confirmed, and Kendra was actually not at all surprised by that. He did it now when it came to his work. Oftentimes that wasn’t an easy thing to work through but he normally succeeded. “Do you think you could talk to him?”

“I’ve been trying all day, I don’t think he’s listening to me. I’m just his lawyer, he needs you or mom to tell him. Not me.” There was little in life that Tom Kirkman took more seriously than his job, but all of it was his family, and that gave Trey and her mother a power that Kendra didn’t have yet.

“I’ll try tonight then,” Trey replied with a gentle nod. Kendra was about to suggest that he approach the matter carefully when he winced and almost dropped the toddler he was holding. Kendra smirked softly, already knowing what had happened before Trey needed to say a word. “Ouch, Nil. No scratching.”

“Yeah, sorry. Not sure where she’s picked this habit up from.” Kendra didn’t think she sounded sorry, probably because she actually wasn’t all that sorry at all. “I’m worried about what this investigation is doing to us all, Trey. I can talk to you about this easier than I can talk to Seth and I just… I hate feeling like there is this boundary between us all.” They were basically family, and she didn’t know who else to talk to about this.

“It’ll be over soon Ken, you know that.” He assured her, and Kendra just hoped that he was right. She didn’t know what to believe anymore, she wanted to know that they could get through it all but she just wasn’t sure if that was true. “You and Seth are stronger than all this, and you have Lyor too.”

“Yeah, he’ll be home in the next couple of weeks.” Kendra couldn’t hide how excited she was for that. To the outside world, Lyor was her best friend and they were close. That was it. She didn’t mind that they had to hide the truth, but she did wish she could stand up and say that she loved him too. As it was she would love him as a friend and everyone could see that. “It’ll be nice to not be making daily trips to the hospital before going home.”

“I can imagine that’s definitely added a difficulty to everything.” Trey nodded, he’d been a good friend through all this, even if he hardly knew most of the staff. “Ken, I know it’s not much but we’re family now and I’m here for you as much as you need. You and the others too. Pretty much everyone but Emily.” Obviously, he had strong thoughts about Emily right now too.

“Thanks, Trey.” She smiled, standing up as Trey held Anila out for her. She had needed to just unload even if it wasn’t much, and now she would get to do what she’d originally been planning to do. “Come on, cheeky chops. We have a brief to write up before we get daddy.” It was going to be another long evening, and Kendra was just tired. She needed a day off where she could stay in bed all day.

But that didn’t seem like it was going to happen any time soon, so she just had to keep pushing herself. Lyor was in good spirits, and looking forward to his last full week of treatment, setting up his outpatient therapy. When they got home Seth had put Anila to bed and Kendra had just collapsed onto the sofa and sat there until he came back and pulled her into his arms. “How was the President?”

“The way he always is during hearings.” Unfortunately, they had all had enough experience of that that she knew Seth would know exactly what she meant. She cuddled into him a little bit more and sighed. “It really hurts him that the evidence against Emily is pretty infallible.” Kendra knew that that was something she needed to remind him of at times, but he was a good guy and he’d be honest even when he didn’t want to be.

“I think it hurts all of us. She’s our friend.” Seth kissed her forehead as he spoke and for some reason this all just set Kendra off. She didn’t know if she could keep doing this if the outcome was that they were going to be betrayed over and over. She felt the tears falling before she was even aware they were there. “Hey, come on. Don’t cry, babe.”

“I hate this Seth. I hate all of it.” She mumbled, letting him pull her into his chest. This was one of the places she felt the safest, being held and comforted by Seth, but she wasn’t sure that that was going to be enough. She let him hold her until the sobs had subsided and then she just smiled a little.

“Yeah, I hate it too.” Seth eventually replied when she’d calmed some, working one of his hands down to rest against the bulge in her stomach. She wasn’t going to call it a bump just yet, it was still a ways from that but it was there, and it was noticeable to someone who knew her body as well as Seth did. “But this is important Ken. You and me, Lyor, Anila… and this little potato that we haven’t met yet.”

“Maybe not, but he’s moving around like crazy all the time.” She laughed a little, wishing that Seth could feel it already, though it would actually still be a few weeks before he and Lyor, and Anila would be able to feel the baby moving around. “I can feel it so much earlier than last time. They say that happens with your second though, you know what to look for.”

“I can’t wait until we can feel him too.” Seth smiled dropping a kiss to her stomach before moving up again and pressing his forehead to hers. She just closed her eyes and focused on the fact that the two of them were just sat there together. She wished Lyor was with them here. “We’ve both decided this one is a boy, huh?”

“I feel more like it’s a boy. Seventeen weeks tomorrow.” She couldn’t believe that she was already this far along, and it was becoming obvious to her that she needed to start making plans. With everything that was going on it was going faster than it had felt when she was pregnant with Anila. “Seventeen weeks already.”

“I know. It’s crazy.” Seth laughed a little, his hand still on her stomach, his thumb rubbing over gently. They had both said they wanted as many kids as they could get but she didn’t think that they would have actually had two this close together. She caught Seth looking up at the monitor on Anila’s crib and she had to turn and smile too, seeing their daughter sound asleep. “Anila’s gonna be a big sister and we’re going to have two.”

“Nil is going to have a hard time with this. She’s so used to being with one or the other of us and we do kind of spoil her.” That was an understatement and she was aware of that. They entirely spoiled her and that was something Kendra had no idea how to stop. “Getting used to having to share us will be hard for her. I don’t know how to change it though.”

“Maybe we need to start thinking about putting her in daycare. She’d still be nearby but she’d learn some independence.” Daycare had been something that they’d disagreed about a lot since becoming parents, Kendra wasn’t sure she liked the idea of it. She’d always had her mom looking after her and she’d never wanted someone else to be looking after her children. Given her career, she should have been prepared for that, but she wasn’t.

“I don’t know Seth. Maybe it’s because I always had my mom around and I just… I don’t know why I don’t want to put her in daycare or to hire a nanny but I just don’t.” This was something that she didn’t know how to explain, but she’d work it out eventually. “I don’t want other people raising our daughter.”

“How about we revisit this when the baby arrives.”  “We might have different thoughts then, and we’ll have Lyor to talk it over with too.” That was going to be the biggest change, wasn’t it? There were three of them to try and work it out together. Maybe Lyor would have different thoughts when he got home, but they had plenty to work on for now.


	15. Exit Interviews

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The penultimate chapter... I should be posting the final chapter tomorrow...

Lyor had been looking forward to today for weeks. Today was his last day of group, his last therapy session and his exit interview. At least, his last as an inpatient. Everything from now on was going to be happening from home, and he’d been waiting for that day almost since he’d gotten here. Waiting at the back of the room before group he got a cup of coffee, just looking around the men whose experiences had helped him realise that he was going to be able to live on. “You’re leaving us tomorrow.” There was a voice from behind him, and he smiled a little seeing Nick. A small former soldier who had had some classified issues when he’d been stationed abroad. Lyor hadn’t pried, but he’d liked that man.

“I am. I can’t say I’m going to miss it either.” It was best to be honest, Lyor thought, and he felt like that applied even more somewhere like this, where they were always supposed to acknowledge their feelings. He liked these men, they were a support system he’d come to depend on. Nick was one of the only other in-patients at the group sessions, so Lyor knew he needed the assurance that one day he’d be going home too.

“Home to the family you talk about in meetings. I’m glad that you’re doing well Lyor.” Nick actually sounded a little jealous there, and Lyor knew that he didn’t have that yet. It was something that Lyor hoped he’d get one day, he was still a very young man and he had plenty of time.

“I’ll still be coming to meetings, I’m not going to be ready to try and go this alone.” Alright, now this honesty was starting to annoy him. That was something that he was looking forward to when he got home. He wouldn’t be expected to explain his every thought. “I’m mostly looking forward to getting spend time with my daughter.” There, that felt a little better, focus on what he was looking forward to.

“How old is she?” It was the question that he loved getting because every time he got to think about how long he’d been with the loves of his life. Almost exactly a year longer than Anila had been alive. Of course, he also thought about Alex Kirkman too. A considerably less cheerful topic but something that was intricately connected with his life.

“Thirteen months. It’s hard to believe that sometimes.” There may be no actual biological connection to Anila or Kendra’s second baby, but they were his children too. That was the way this relationship had come and he loved it, even if he didn’t get to publicly admit how much he loved them. “I got another one on the way too.”

“That’s great, Lyor. You have supportive friends and family.” Another slightly bitter comment that Lyor wasn’t going to pretend to understand. He decided that the problem was Nick’s, not his, and he was going to just focus on the fact that Nick was right. He did have a very supportive family, and that was something that he was still surprised.

“Yeah, they are great and I love them so very much.” Alright, now he would admit it, he was bragging. He didn’t get very many chances to brag about how much he loved his family, so he was going to take it. He realised that he needed to at least make an effort, though, so he took a breath and turned the questions around. “How are things going for you?”

“Same as always. I’m now three weeks clean.” Nick was proud of that and Lyor could understand why. Every day felt like a battle he was winning. He hadn’t chosen to start taking drugs though, and while he sometimes craved the oblivion they had brought he never wanted to feel that little control. But if Nick was happy, then Lyor could be happy for him.

“That’s great man. You’ll do it this time.” Lyor wanted to be positive, but he didn’t know and there was no way that he was continuing this conversation. He took his coffee and went to his usual seat. Sitting toward the back helped him feel less like he was the centre of attention. That was something that he couldn’t deal with anymore. He would rather be in the background.

The conversations were all always the same but Lyor wasn’t tired of them the way he had expected that he would be. Each time it reminded him that they had survived and he would too. He had an hour to eat and relax before he was to go and sit with his therapist and talk about the progress he’d made. Lyor wanted to approach it all as clinically as he could. “What do you think when you’re in group now?”

“You know… when I first came here I didn’t think I was like them. I wasn’t military, I wasn’t from an oppressed country. I was different.” Sometimes he still thought that he was different, but he knew that he wasn’t. He wasn’t a victim, either. He was a survivor. “Now I realise that we’re not that different at all. Sure the circumstances are different, but the same thing happened to all of us and we all survived it.”

“And that means?” Lyor narrowed his eyes but remembered that he needed to turn off his inbuilt distaste for psychology and surrender to the process. He knew that it was important but there were still parts of him that wanted to make every step forward something he fought for.

“I could fail the same way that some of them have.” Lyor had watched as one by one some of them had failed. Dropped back into drink or drugs or suicidal tendencies and had to watch them start from the beginning. That was a fear he was going to have to learn to live with. “I don’t want to though.”

“Do you still think about the drugs?” That question was more pointed and again Lyor had to fight his instincts. The ones that told him he should lie. Tell them that he didn’t think about them anymore and he was cured, but that would be a lie and he would end up back here if he didn’t do what he needed to do. Honesty was what he needed for now.

“Yeah.” He whispered after a few lingering seconds. “I can almost taste the relief they would give me and I want that.” Sinking back into oblivion would be a beautiful perfection. Doing it would sacrifice everything that mattered to him. He couldn’t do that, he couldn’t lose Kendra, Seth and Anila. “But I want my family more. They are the most important thing in my life because I never thought that I’d have that. I never thought that I’d get the chance to have children and people I loved.”

“So you’re going through recovery for them?” The leading questions normally bothered him a lot more than they were doing today. Maybe because today he knew that they were going to get him home. He was also reminding himself that this was the way that Kendra questioned when she was on a case too. It made it easier, for some reason. His recovery though was because of them, not for them.

“No. I’m going through recovery for me. They are just my motivation.” Truthfully, Anila was his motivation. Kendra and Seth were there too but most of it was that he wanted to be able to watch his daughter grow up. He thought about Kendra for a second and mentally had to shake himself into remembering that she wasn’t Karen, but he could do that now. He hadn’t been able too before. “When I see Kendra… sometimes I can still see Karen but I can shake it off now.”

“And how have your nightmares been?” This one felt more like he was seeing a medical professional and made him feel comfortable and controlled. There were still nightmares. Every night he’d have at least one. He knew how to manage them now, and he was getting better at waking himself up.

“Controlled, mostly.” He wondered If he was sounding too positive, too sure that he was able to do absolutely everything and have no problems. He knew that that wasn’t at all what his future would be like. “I know I have a long way to go, I know I’m not cured, that I’ll never be cured but I can manage things.”

“You’ve made some remarkable progress Lyor, and I know you can logically work through it all but we’re going to talk about your feelings right now.” This was the part he hated the very most. He didn’t like facing his emotions, and he didn’t like doing it with other people but he was going to have too. “Tell me how you feel about going home. No explanations, just the emotions.”

“Excited. Scared. Worried. Happy.” He paused and thought between each word. Identifying the emotions as they came into his mind. He knew that a lot of the negative emotions were his fear that he wouldn’t be able to manage, that he might let his family down. The rest were the fact that he’d survived, and he was getting to go home to prove it.

“Everywhere on the spectrum.” A gentle nod and a smile. That was good, he hoped it was good. “What about work?” Lyor froze at that question. He’d known that it would come up eventually but he hadn’t expected it to be one of the first questions about something other than his home life or his treatment. Until this exact moment he hadn’t realised he had a decision about that… but he had.  

“I’m not planning on going back to work. Not for a long time, anyway.” It was almost a surprise to hear himself saying it. He certainly hadn’t known that was what he was thinking but now he’d said it it seemed like the most obvious thing in the world.  “I loved my job, I love the President… but I don’t think I could do it right now. I need to focus on me and rebuilding my bonds with my family.”

“That’s very wise. I agree.” The pen scratched again on the paper, and with every check mark he felt more like this was a reality. His last afternoon, his last night. He was a very different man to the one who had been admitted almost three months earlier, but he was sure that the man he was now would live up to the one he used to be.

The relief he felt when the interview was over and he was told that he was actually fit to leave the following day. He couldn’t wait to tell his family when they arrived later, and keeping his excitement to himself for the rest of the day was much more difficult than he wanted to admit. Almost the moment his toddler came through the door he felt the nervous energy building up again. “Nil!” He bent down and scooped her up into his arms as she ran in and smiled. “Hey Bumblebee.”

“Wait til you hear this.” Seth grinned as Lyor made himself company with their daughter. He was so happy that she was here and that he could give them the good news that he hadn’t expected for Seth to look quite as excited as he did. “Who is it Nil?” He then prompted and Lyor

“Papa!” Lyor had never heard anything better than that. His daughter identifying him was the proudest moment he could ever remember, and he could feel the tears welling up as he held her to him, feeling her patting his shoulder and just repeating the name they had decided would be his while Kendra had been pregnant.

“Yeah, I’m your Papa.” He smiled, just holding her close. Enjoying the solid weight that reminded him that this was his little girl and she knew that he was her papa.  “When did she start saying that?” It had only been a couple of days since she’d last visited and this was not a word that she’d mastered last time she was here.

“On the drive over here. We knew she wasn’t talking about me, I’ve been Dada for months now.” Seth smiled a little and tickled Anila’s cheek before he went to sit down at the table. Lyor kissed Anila’s cheek again for a moment then put her down too, knowing that she wouldn’t appreciate it if he kept hold of her too long.

“Still not got Mama down?” Kendra had been trying to get Anila to say that for months now. Lyor was pretty sure that that would be the last thing she said too, just to annoy her mother. Anila seemed to have inherited a wicked sense of humour and Lyor would appreciate the ability of their baby to really annoy Kendra.

“Much to Kendra’s annoyance. She’s in the bathroom.” Seth explained, though Lyor had somewhat guessed. It was nice for him to see her starting to round out again, the same way she had done in the first months with Anila. She was nearly halfway through now though, and Lyor could hardly believe it was all going so quickly. “Morning sickness has been bad today. They never tell you that it can strike at any time.”

“Hopefully she’ll be along soon.” He just excused, knowing that she’d be there when she could be. He was almost certain that one of the doctors would pull her in to talk before they went home too. “I had my exit interview today though so the doctor may want to talk to her before she comes in.”

“How did it go?” Seth asked, jumping up to grab Anila from climbing on the bed, or trying to. Lyor felt bad that he hadn’t caught that she was doing that, but at least one of them had been on the ball. He had to not take that too seriously. It didn’t matter, not really. She was fine.

“Well, I think. They are still releasing me.” To him that meant that he’d passed with flying colours, though it was probably going to be much more complicated than that. “I’ve missed being able to be with you and Kendra.” Lyor said the last much more quietly, as if he was still afraid someone would overhear him.

“We’ve missed you more than I think we could ever explain.” He confirmed and came over, kissing him softly before stepping back. “We can start putting all this behind us now.” Wasn’t that what they all wanted. They wanted to have it behind them so that they didn’t have to think about going through it again.

“I’m sorry I put you through so much the last few months.” He mumbled. He kept feeling the needed to say that he was sorry he’d caused them so many problems, so much worry. That he had made it so that they couldn’t focus on the things that parents and partners should be focusing on. He didn’t need too, but he felt like he did.

“None of that matters now. Now we learn to move on from it.” Seth reached out to stroke his cheek, reaching down to pull Anila back. Lyor was suddenly feeling rusty, but he’d pick it all up again soon. He’d be home soon. “Hopefully Emily’s investigation will be over soon and all of us can go back to normal.”

“Seth… I’m not coming back to the White House.” Lyor said quickly. There was no point pretending now that he was going to be going back to their old normal. This was something that had to change. “Not now, maybe not ever.” It was harder to say this to Seth than it had been to his therapist. “I need to keep my stress down and this way I can spend more time with you and Ken and Nila.”

“Are you sure that’s what you want?” He asked, not as though he was going to try and change Lyor’s mind, but more like he was making sure that this was what he wanted, rather than something that he’d been told to do. No, Lyor needed to leave. He needed to let this all go. There wasn’t enough time in the day for everything he wanted to do now.

“No. But it’s what I need and I have to focus on my needs now.” Focusing on himself had never been his strong suit but he knew that this was going to have to be what he did. “I have to get healthy, right. We have another baby coming.” He was hoping that he could possibly stay home with them. It would give him a calling and something he would be able to focus on. More than that, it would relieve pressure on Seth and Kendra.

“We do, you’re right.” Seth grinned and Lyor was glad that he was as excited about becoming a father again as he was. “I’ve taken tomorrow off so I can be here with Nil until they release you and bring you home. Well that and I promised Kendra I’d take Nil to the doctor. She’s fine, she’s just still got this cold.” Seth then fell into the routine of telling him about everything that was going on in their extended circle of friends. It felt normal, and Lyor could get used to this.


	16. Consequences

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we are, the final chapter. Aren't you all lucky getting two chapters in just a few hours. As always, thanks to my lovely friends who have put up with me yelling about this fic for months now. Anyway, please save your yells for the comments.
> 
> I'm hoping to post the first chapter of the fic that follows directly from this on Friday or Saturday, and that fic will be called "Okay".

Kendra just wasn’t at all sure how she was going to cope with today but she was going to have to get through it. Lyor coming home was going to be enormous and she was looking forward to getting him alone again. She knew that there were going to be other issues they’d have to tackle but she was ready for that. It wasn’t going to be the same, but one of the men she loved was going to be home with them. Seth had even taken today off to pick Lyor up, which meant that Kendra had left him with Anila and her car. She was far more worried about her car and when Seth called she was afraid he was going to say he’d done something to it. “Hey babe, what’s going on?”

“ _Well, I was hoping that maybe you’d want to come and join me picking Lyor up_.”

“You have my car, babe.” In a way that was a really sweet request, and Kendra did like that idea. She just had so much that she was doing. There was a lot that was being missed on the domestic policy front since Lyor had been gone. The President had refused to replace him, saying that Lyor was his Deputy and would remain so until he resigned. It wasn’t actually all that helpful for any of them, though, because they had no net. “Hey, Tricia… That needs to go over to the AG and I need that to go to… whoever is still filling in for Lyor.” Tricia had become a friend to them all over the last two years, and Kendra was thankful that she’d stayed to help.

“I think it’s Nathan, I’ll check.” Tricia replied, coming and taking the file from Kendra. At least she could depend on her deputies now that she’d trained them all up. It hadn’t been easy at first, she wanted to run her department in a specific way, but they were all used to it now. If she wanted to take the afternoon off she probably could. “Oh, and these came from the AG for you.”

“Thanks.” She took the stack of papers from Tricia and nodded, going back to the call while the assistant showed herself out. Her mind drifted back to going and meeting Seth and Lyor to come home. There was part of her that wanted to do that, especially to show Lyor that she would respect anything he needed, but there were other issues. “Yeah babe you have my car, I thought you were going to pick me up here?”

“ _But that means driving all the way to the White House to come back this way to go home._ ”

“Yes that’s generally what it entails.” She teased, looking through the papers for what she needed to deal with but not really concentrating. There was a thought that was just on top of her mind that meant focusing on anything else was difficult. She’d disappeared for much of Lyor’s treatment, knowing that the woman who had traumatised him had looked like her had been more guilt-inducing than Kendra would have thought. “How’s Lyor?” She asked, not wanting to intrude if he wasn’t ready for her to be there today, he hadn't asked..

“ _I’m not there yet, Nil and I are stuck in traffic._ ”

“I’ll see if I can get a ride and I’ll call you when I know.” Kendra could just imagine the words that their daughter was learning if Seth was stuck in traffic. She was thankful that at 13-months Anila didn’t really have a giant vocabulary. When this second baby arrived she was going to have to make sure that they all knew they had to watch their mouth a little more. “Check Lyor wants me there too.” She wasn’t going if he didn’t.

“ _Great, I love you._ ”

“Love you too, tell Lyor the same.” She went back to looking through the papers, listening to Seth as he spoke about whatever it was in the traffic that was bothering him most of all. Kendra enjoyed listening to it as she looked through the paperwork, then the last one grabbed her attention fully. “Babe I gotta go, see you soon.” She didn’t even wait for him to return the sentiment when she jumped up and headed toward Emily’s office, slightly regretting how fast she got up as her centre of gravity took another moment to equalise. “Emily, we need to talk.”

“What’s wrong?” Emily asked, looking confused as Kendra walked up. Given the way that the investigation had been going this really shouldn’t actually be all that much a surprise to any of them. Of course, there was going to be charges files. It was inevitable. Kendra wasn’t involved in Emily’s defence, she had private counsel just because Kendra had recommended it. Her job was to protect the President, not his staff.

But she still got the notification likely before Emily herself that the case was going in front of the Grand Jury to see if there was going to be a possibility of charges being filed. Kendra couldn’t see why they wouldn’t given all the evidence that there was against Emily here. “I just got the notification from the AG, they have enough to put it in front of the Grand Jury.”

“When?” A sigh was given and Kendra realised that Emily had been expecting it too. Kendra wasn’t actually all that surprised that Jim, her friend, would have prepared Emily for this. It was almost a favour to her for him to defend this because there was no way that he could actually win it. There was no way there would be a positive outcome.

“They’ll convene on Monday.” It was going to be interesting to see who was called. Witnesses could speak about them, and Kendra was almost certain that she’d be brought in as someone who had been there when Emily has made her initial disclosure, even after Kendra had made it clear they didn’t enjoy attorney-client privilege. “I called Jim Holland, he’s preparing for the indictment and I’ve been told by the President to say that we can support you.”

“But?” Emily knew Kendra’s inflections well by now. It had been almost three years since Kendra had joined the staff and in that time they had all learned a lot about each other. Seemingly though, Kendra hadn’t learnt that much about Emily. Aside from the one issue with Cornelius Moss that had had them at loggerheads she hadn’t thought that Emily was unprofessional. She’d been proven wrong, they all had.

“I need to look into it more. I’m not your counsel, all I can do is look at the public evidence and formulate what’s best legally for the President and for the White House.” There was not that much there that meant they could publicly support someone who had admitted breaches of national security at best, treason at worst.

“So you’re probably going to withdraw support?” Emily asked and all Kendra could do was nod. There was no point lying and pretending there could be any way for them to publicly support her. It would torpedo the approval ratings that they had managed to gain through years of hard work.

“Personally I support you all the way but… yeah.” Alright, that was partially a lie. Kendra didn’t support Emily anywhere near as much as she was saying that she did, but she didn’t think that it was worth the trouble. A little white lie would make Emily feel better, and it would save Kendra a headache she didn’t have time for.

“You going somewhere?” Emily clearly looked at her walking around with her coat and bag and finally now decided to ask what it was that she was doing. It was the end of the day, it shouldn’t really have been a surprise that she was going to leave. She had a family, and another baby on the way. She couldn’t spend all her time here anymore.

“I need to get to GW, Lyor’s being released today and Seth has my car.” She felt like she and Lyor had made good progress. He still couldn’t be near her if he didn’t have his glasses on, and they had to keep the lights on dimly at night, but they were ready for him to come home. “I’m nervous enough letting him drive it let alone with Lyor and Anila in it.”

“How you getting there if Seth has your car?” Emily asked, and Kendra thought about lying for a second but she didn’t want to get into that habit. She still had people to ask for a ride, but it wouldn’t cost that much to get a taxi from here to GW and meet them there that way.

“I was searching around for a ride but I was about to just call a cab.” She started, not really wanting to ask Emily because things were so awkward between them, now. Kendra was sure that Emily knew her complaint of the Moss situation was all part of this, but she hadn’t outright said anything.

“I’ll give you one. Just come get me when you’re ready to go.” Emily said with an over-bright smile. What she was planning Kendra didn’t know, but she did know that she needed to be careful. Whatever was going on in Emily’s mind was probably not going to be all that good for her health.

“I have to speak to the President first, but then I’ll be right there.” It was going to be easier if she spoke to the President now. She would probably forget in the next couple of days, and she wanted to remind him that they’d all be there for dinner later after they’d taken Lyor home for a while. Things were just starting to get back to normal.

She hated waiting for the President sometimes, especially when half the White House asked her if they could feel her stomach. In the 7-weeks since Christmas Kendra had mostly wished that she hadn’t started showing. She was thankful when she was waved through and was able to escape the crowd. “Kendra, come on in.”

“A Grand Jury is going to be convened on Monday.” She said as soon as the door was closed. This meant that the time she knew they had all hoped wasn’t going to arrive had actually come. They were going to have to fire Emily, and it wasn’t going to be pretty. “You have to fire her, sir. This weekend.”

“You’re sure?” He asked, pulling his glasses off and rubbing his face. Kendra understood how he felt, Emily had been his friend for a long time, and she’d been his Chief of Staff when he was still just the Secretary of HUD. Knowing he was going to have to fire her and she was probably going to go to prison.

“I’m sure.” She confirmed because there was no space for any of them to be hesitant. She knew that Emily was guilty and Kendra was fairly sure that when the President was less attached he would see that he’d known she was all along, too. “I know we said we were going to wait but now we can’t. This will go to trial, and she will be found guilty.”

“How can you be so sure?” The classic question, but Kendra knew that she was right on all of those points because if she wasn’t there were going to be even bigger investigations when the press got wind of the mountain of evidence that there was against Emily. If she dodged consequences even Kendra would have questions about the judicial system.

“Frankly, sir, because she is guilty.” Kendra didn’t have the time to be patient. She wanted to leave but she couldn’t until she knew that he understood. “She has admitted it, to me, to the AG. I would assume to her own counsel.” Kendra wasn’t party to those conversations, but it was an educated guess. “There is no way back for her, not from this. If we continue to support her it is going to tank our credibility and make us look like we aided and abetted.”

“She’s one of my oldest friends, Kendra.” The President sighed, and Kendra’s heart broke a little more for him. How much was he to be expected to get through? He had been placed in multiple impossible situations and was expected to just get through all of them. It was no wonder that he was drawn to her mother, Judith matched her saintly namesake, she was a sucker for lost causes.

“I know sir. Personally, you can still support her, privately, quietly.” Kendra really needed for him not to do it publicly, though that was entirely down to personal reasons. Seth was so tightly wound at the moment that it would not end well for their home life. “Please don’t do it publicly I don’t need to deal with Seth’s nervous breakdown if you do that.”

“When should I do it?” The pain he was feeling was evident in his voice, and Kendra knew that this was probably the hardest thing that he had ever had to do professionally. Emily had always been there for him, but part of that was her downfall and was why she was having these troubles now.

So she needed to try and think when and how he should do this, but they both knew it needed to happen. Her resigning wouldn’t be enough. “Let me sit with Seth and the speechwriters tomorrow morning when we know what you’re going to say to the world… you can first say it to Emily.”

“I hate this, Kendra.” He replied quietly, and she just dropped her head. She knew what he meant, and truthfully she hated this too. She didn’t like thinking about the fact that their friend and colleague was going to prison and was always going to have this following her around. The rest of her life Emily was going to be affected by this.

“I know, sir.” Was all she could actually say, and as she looked up she saw Emily herself stepping hesitantly into the room. Kendra had never felt herself clam up so quickly, but she knew that there was nothing that she could say while Emily was within earshot. It wasn’t going to be easy on anyone. “Emily.”

“I just wanted to bring these files before I left, are you ready?” Emily addressed the first half of the sentence to the President, the second half to Kendra. She really didn’t see any way that she could stay just then, so it was going to be easier to go now and speak to the President again after they’d figured out what to say and when. She said her goodnights and left, following Emily out to her car.

The atmosphere in the car was tense, and even though Kendra wanted to cut through it she had no idea how. Emily’s driving was making her a little nauseous, in fact, and that was something that Kendra had no idea how to mention. “It’s great that Lyor’s coming home.” Emily started after a little while, the two of them slowly crawling through the city traffic.

“Yeah, I kind of can’t wait for him to be back around the apartment.” The four nights he’d spent at home had been lovely, but she wanted him home for good. She still managed to miss him, even though she saw him almost every single day. She didn’t want to think about a case where he might never come home. “Things are going to be slow for a while but we’ll get there.”

“I’m sure you will.” For some reason, Kendra felt that comment was more than a little disingenuous but she let it go. There was no point starting and argument over something as trivial as a platitude. They drifted into silence, Kendra hating this time of day for the traffic until Emily cleared her throat. “I hate to make this about me but…”

“The grand jury?” Kendra asked though she didn’t really need too. It was all that was on everyone’s mind the last few weeks. Months really. Kendra was sure that being the subject of an investigation for this long couldn’t have been great for Emily’s mental health, but Kendra had had far more other things to be worrying about.

“Yeah. Will you be there?” That was not the question she’d expected, and suddenly Kendra remembered that Emily was politics through and through. She’d only done the bare minimum of her law classes in college. There were a lot of things that needed explaining to her and today Kendra barely had the time.

“As a witness. Grand Juries are about the prosecution. They have to prove that they have enough to convict. If they do, you get indicted.” That was the most basic explanation she knew how to give. Its how she explained it to interns and teenagers, but it got the job done. Emily was chewing her lip, her eyes darting all over the place in a way that worried Kendra slightly.

She put it out of her mind as they started moving slowly again, in the outside lane where they could not hope traffic would move quicker. “And do you think they…?” Emily started but Kendra cut her off with a mirthless laugh and shook her head slightly. She could hardly believe that question was even being asked.

“Without doubt. Emily even with the best defence that you could be given… you’re going to prison.” OK, that may have been harsh, but the truth often was. “They have the evidence and you have nothing to refute it. You did get information off of a cabinet secretaries phone without permission, you did have an illicit affair with a junior staffer. You did use illegal means to secure the contents of a bill and while the bribery charge is inflated but with everything else the assumption of guilt will be made.” Kendra wouldn’t have been able to win this either. “On top of that, you leaked three things illegally to Tiffany Gimble and Simon Day that you admitted to on the record.”

“So, there is no way I could just… resign and go about my life as a private citizen?” Desperate hope was still hope, and Kendra somewhat hated that she had to be the realist here. That she has to drill it in to Emily that she couldn’t escape the consequences of this. There was now way out.

“With this AG? Not a single chance.” The fact that the AG hated them all wasn’t helping matters either. He would use Emily as an example and tie her crimes to the administration. Kendra’s job right now was pretty much anticipating that and trying to head it off the best she could. “You’re going to prison Em.” Emily frowned and Kendra knew what she wanted to ask. How long was she looking at? “Maximum sentence if served concurrently… fifteen years.”

“Wait, what?” The volume made Kendra jump and the baby showed his displeasure at her suddenly raised heart rate the same way he did in the more pleasurable situations too. She gently rubbed her bump as she tried to just think about what to say to make that better.

“You’re more likely to get five years maximum.” That would have been her reasonable guess, and what she would have advised if she had been Emily’s lawyer. She wasn’t, though, and she needed to think about herself first. She knew that she’d probably be facing a disciplinary hearing at some point in the near future too.

“Five years in prison?” Kendra nodded as Emily mumbled to herself, more and more Kendra was getting worried about her as the strange ticks kept building. This wasn’t great news for anyone and Kendra was sure that it would be hard for Emily right now but she’d be okay in the end. “Kendra I don’t think I’d be cut out for prison.”

“Nobody is, but at least it would only be five years, then you’ll be out again. Minimum security, too. There are worse things.” She was trying to be supportive but there was really no way that she could adequately comfort her. Kendra had never really thought that much about how she would either. Their potential friendship had been stopped in its tracks right at the beginning, and they never really recovered.

Emily’s face was set into a despondent frown, the kind that always made Kendra wish there was more that could be done when she saw it on a client’s face. She couldn’t do anything here though. “I’m sorry that you’re the one that’s here for this.” Emily started muttering over and over, and when Kendra turned a little she was terrified at the calm determination on Emily’s face.

“Emily what are you…?” Kendra asked, but one look up as she felt the car turn was enough for her to realise what was about to happen, she wrapped her arms protectively around her stomach before anything else went through her mind. “Emily, no!” Kendra yelled, but that was the last thing she remembered. Emily swerved further into the opposite lane, and the sound of crunching metal was all that she could hear before the world faded to blackness around her.


End file.
